[aseika]

This is kind of a long story... but I'll make it as short as possible.

About three years ago I fell completely in love with a man, he was a little bit younger than me. We were crazy for each other. From the very start he had told me that he was planning to move to Greece for a year to do his masters so we continued our relationship and stayed in touch when he left. He did go through a period of not speaking to me for about 6 months (which I was suspicious of but because I had just moved to a new city I was having a great time, started a new college course myself and new job, everything was great, even without him).

He messaged me out of the blue to say that he was actually going to stay for another year or two to complete another course, we then very quickly fell back into a kind of cyber long distance relationship. I was kind of disappointed because I was looking forward to seeing him again, but I guess I was happy for him. And thought as long as he visited it might work.

So here is the thing... He kept saying that he was coming home for Christmas, then his passport expired and by the time he got a new one from the embassy he had to sit exams. He then planned to make it up to me over the Summer for a few weeks. He didn't come home... he stopped talking to me for a few weeks. I don't know why I didn't question him, I was too scared? Or hurt, or confused... He then got back in touch with me to say that he was definitely coming home for Christmas. I, at this point, told him that if he doesn't, then there is no point continuing this as its not healthy. He kept messaging me a lot after this making a definite plan.

We booked a hotel, etc etc. He THEN messaged me a week before he was due to fly home saying he had strep throat and wouldn't fly. I exploded, I basically asked him why he was doing this to me and he just got defensive and gave really cold answers, so I blocked him on all social media.

It has now been three months since we spoke at all and I am in SO much pain. I don't understand why, I cannot stop crying about it and I've been like this for weeks. I get that I may have projected and dreamed a lot about this potential relationship that never left the ground, but why is it so painful. I feel like I don't know what the point of my heart is, I cry at work. Is there something wrong with me? Why did he do this to me?

[joypulv]

I'm sorry too that it took so long for you to block this young man who strung you along as someone to see when he was home, or on the back burner in case no other relationships panned out. Going off the school in another country NEVER has much chance of lasting - just think of all the women all around him, his age, taking courses in his same subjects! I would GUESS that he is in love with a woman who is stringing him along, and that's why he keeps doing the same to you. But that's just a guess, and you may never know the story, nor should you expect to know. Some of us find out many years later.

PAIN is what it is. It lasts as long as it takes, when you don't immerse yourself in friends, family, study, work, hobbies, new ventures. MAKE friends take you with them, but tell them they are absolutely not allowed to do things to cheer you up. Just prop you in a chair and mumble once in a while. By the same token, you are not allowed to talk about him. Even the dearest friends get tired of that sooner than you can imagine. You are just the little sister tagging along. Filling your time is the ONLY cure for this pain. I know this personally and so does everyone else who will be here.

The anger you showed by blocking him was good, and healthy, and he needed it, the jerk. He's a jerk, RIGHT? Say it and shout it and any other name unprintable here.
You are in love with a memory that isn't him and probably never was.

[Oliver2011]

“I was having a great time, started a new college course myself and new job, everything was great, even without him).”

In your own words you know it’s possible for you to have a great time whether he’s in your life. Breakups are difficult on everyone. If you continue your no contact, continue your focus on you and what you have going on, the pain will ease. There’s difficult, but we have all survived breakups. Don’t allow this not so honest person to have control over you. This is your life so live in the moment and live it happy. You have total control over that, so make it happen.

[talaniman]

There is nothing wrong with you except maybe you don't give yourself enough credit for the correct things you have done for yourself already. You broke things off and are just in the middle of the healing process. 3 months is simply not enough time to fully recover from this 3 year experiment. Basically I think you are still mourning your loss, and that's perfectly NORMAL.

Allowing yourself to cry is a healthy way to vent those feelings and lessen the pain. Maybe you need that GOOD cry, with the support of a good shoulder by a trusted friend(s). This is also a time to be really good to yourself, and not isolate yourself from friends, family, and activities you enjoy. That's the best medicine for the emotional pain you are going through.

Wallowing in self pity only increases the pain and stunts the healing process so get busy and indulge yourself with living your life without him, as you have been doing, and you will emerge stronger having gone through the HEALING PROCESS* PROPERLY. It takes time is all, and the best way to mark time is by actively enjoying it. That does mean no more contact with him whatsoever as you do your own thing, your own way. Don't muddy the water with anymore of his BS.

[smoothy]

I have to ask upon reading this because it remains unclear. And I do feel it is important to clear it up.

Have the two of you EVER met in person? If you haven't... this has all the hallmarks of someone having a pseudo romance with someone they really don't intend to meet in person. He might be a she, he might be married, engaged... or something completely different than he portrays himself to be. Thus the excuses when it comes time to take that final step.

In any case, time does heal all wounds... but if you keep picking at the scab.. its going to take longer. As was mentioned... forget him, move on... don't look back, and soon enough you will be over him.

If you ever tried walking forward while looking backward... you bump into things, trip or fall... You have to look where you are going... not where you've been. Life is like that.

[aseika]

We had a 6 month relationship before he left, so yes I have met him quite a few times! :) I just felt an amazing connection with him I guess, and while I thought he was only meant to be gone for a year I guess I handled his absence a little bit better than I am now. If he did meet somebody else over there, he never mentioned it to me, although I have my suspicions, definitely. I sort of got the feeling he even may have actually come home and not call me, instead made lame excuses. Who doesn't come home ever again, even for a visit? What about his parents? I've never been abandoned like this before I guess, maybe he was confused himself. I'll never actually know. If he just said, I'm never coming back again, I'm sorry, I could work with that. I don't know what to think! Thanks for all your help anyway. I do feel way better even having typed this up!

There is nothing wrong with you except maybe you don't give yourself enough credit for the correct things you have done for yourself already. You broke things off and are just in the middle of the healing process. 3 months is simply not enough time to fully recover from this 3 year experiment. Basically I think you are still mourning your loss, and that's perfectly NORMAL.

Allowing yourself to cry is a healthy way to vent those feelings and lessen the pain. Maybe you need that GOOD cry, with the support of a good shoulder by a trusted friend(s). This is also a time to be really good to yourself, and not isolate yourself from friends, family, and activities you enjoy. That's the best medicine for the emotional pain you are going through.

Wallowing in self pity only increases the pain and stunts the healing process so get busy and indulge yourself with living your life without him, as you have been doing, and you will emerge stronger having gone through the HEALING PROCESS* PROPERLY. It takes time is all, and the best way to mark time is by actively enjoying it. That does mean no more contact with him whatsoever as you do your own thing, your own way. Don't muddy the water with anymore of his BS.

You're always so spot on! I felt like it was an experiment, sometimes. Thank you for that!

I'm sorry too that it took so long for you to block this young man who strung you along as someone to see when he was home, or on the back burner in case no other relationships panned out. Going off the school in another country NEVER has much chance of lasting - just think of all the women all around him, his age, taking courses in his same subjects! I would GUESS that he is in love with a woman who is stringing him along, and that's why he keeps doing the same to you. But that's just a guess, and you may never know the story, nor should you expect to know. Some of us find out many years later.

PAIN is what it is. It lasts as long as it takes, when you don't immerse yourself in friends, family, study, work, hobbies, new ventures. MAKE friends take you with them, but tell them they are absolutely not allowed to do things to cheer you up. Just prop you in a chair and mumble once in a while. By the same token, you are not allowed to talk about him. Even the dearest friends get tired of that sooner than you can imagine. You are just the little sister tagging along. Filling your time is the ONLY cure for this pain. I know this personally and so does everyone else who will be here.

The anger you showed by blocking him was good, and healthy, and he needed it, the jerk. He's a jerk, RIGHT? Say it and shout it and any other name unprintable here.
You are in love with a memory that isn't him and probably never was.

JERKBAG! Haha, thank you so much :)

I have to ask upon reading this because it remains unclear. And I do feel it is important to clear it up.

Have the two of you EVER met in person? If you haven't... this has all the hallmarks of someone having a pseudo romance with someone they really don't intend to meet in person. He might be a she, he might be married, engaged... or something completely different than he portrays himself to be. Thus the excuses when it comes time to take that final step.

In any case, time does heal all wounds... but if you keep picking at the scab.. its going to take longer. As was mentioned... forget him, move on... don't look back, and soon enough you will be over him.

If you ever tried walking forward while looking backward... you bump into things, trip or fall... You have to look where you are going... not where you've been. Life is like that.

Just to clarify again, I moved to the city he was leaving, so we had 6 months of living in the same place together. I can barely even stomach tinder! :)

[aseika]

As for this emotional pain, it's just overwhelming. I'm just doing my daily thing, totally fine, and then this HUGE wave of grief comes over me and I have to sit down, go to a different room and actually sob. I feel like I cant breathe. I've never felt like this before, honestly. I have started to meditate because I dont know what else to do, its affecting my college work. I've had breakups, heartache, and yes I've cried a lot over my ex boyfriends but I cant explain this feeling at all. Over something that ended up not being a real thing in the first place! Feels like I'm losing my mind completely.

[joypulv]

I was dumped in one little moment after 13 years.

[Oliver2011]

You're not losing your mind. It's normal and everyone is on a different time table as far as the recovery goes. You need to find things to do that help. Go out with friends, exercise, take tennis lessons, anything that will keep your mind active. And then little by little you will feel less pain and move your life forward.

As for this emotional pain, it's just overwhelming. I'm just doing my daily thing, totally fine, and then this HUGE wave of grief comes over me and I have to sit down, go to a different room and actually sob. I feel like I cant breathe. I've never felt like this before, honestly. I have started to meditate because I dont know what else to do, its affecting my college work. I've had breakups, heartache, and yes I've cried a lot over my ex boyfriends but I cant explain this feeling at all. Over something that ended up not being a real thing in the first place! Feels like I'm losing my mind completely.

[jammy23]

I wonder what he'd say if you told him you were coming to Greece... say for three
Months... I'm beg to think he has a wife there... or like others were saying, a g.f.
You have every right to feel heartbroken... sad... angry... but you also see, it's
Glaring - that he does not care about your feelings otherwise how could he
Do this to you. When you feel you're ready.. please go forward. You sound like
A very bright young woman with a future. As everyone has said: keep busy,
Enjoy your friends and put him behind you. Good luck