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ShadowFoxSP · Feb 15, 2016, 07:09 PM

All right, so, there's this young lady that works in the same building as I do. I see her often enough, and when I do I make a special effort to talk to her, and I mean a real special effort. Not just hello and how are you but I engage her about likes and dislikes and stuff. Anyway though, I ended up friend requesting her on Facebook, assuming and hoping this would further imply and signal my interest in something then just a passing high and bye relationship. I talked to her for a bit on there, and recently got up a bit of courage and just said we should go out some time... and I'll admit it was kind of out of the blue.

The problem now is she hasn't responded at all, and it's been over a day now. So I'm worried, and lost as to what to do next if anything other then just pretend like it didn't happen at all. This could get pretty awkward if I see her at work for example... but she hasn't say, deleted me from her friends for example. So... what do?

I wish · Feb 15, 2016, 07:13 PM

No need to overreact. Just be cool about it. Her non-response is a signal that she's not interested. But it doesn't mean that you have to ignore each other.

If you see her at work, just keep things professional and talk to her like you would with any other colleague. You don't need to go out of your way to talk to her again, but you also don't need to go out of your way to ignore her.

Just let things flow and treat her just like any other colleague and move on to someone else!

ma0641 · Feb 15, 2016, 07:17 PM

Wow, a whole day! Just continue to talk to her. Maybe she isn't on Facebook all the time.

talaniman · Feb 16, 2016, 04:14 AM

It's only awkward because she hasn't given you any clear signals to keep pursuing, and that's pretty normal for clear out of the blue, so relax and just keep it friendly. Online, and in person. Maybe that's all she wants from you is a friend. So keep it real. Not all people are that quick to jump into a date or romance especially with a work colleague, or a new Facebook friend.

Not just hello and how are you but I engage her about likes and dislikes and stuff.

If this were true and you paid attention you would already have a idea what to do.

ShadowFoxSP · Feb 16, 2016, 04:30 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

It's only awkward because she hasn't given you any clear signals to keep pursuing, and that's pretty normal for clear out of the blue, so relax and just keep it friendly. Online, and in person. Maybe that's all she wants from you is a friend. So keep it real. Not all people are that quick to jump into a date or romance especially with a work colleague, or a new Facebook friend.

If this were true and you paid attention you would already have a idea what to do.

I'm just not very good at planning these type of things out, I'm below average when it comes to romantic interest, gauging it and anything of the sort really.

talaniman · Feb 16, 2016, 04:48 AM

No dating experience? How old are you?

ShadowFoxSP · Feb 16, 2016, 05:10 AM

I wouldn't say none, it's been... 5 years or so though, close to six. I'm 26 so not all that young... not all that old.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 16, 2016, 05:10 AM

You just keep talking to her as friends, don't stop talking to her at work,

It sounds like she wants to be friends, was OK with Facebook friends but not interested in dating.

If you want to date, ask girls out, and not get too upset over no's

talaniman · Feb 16, 2016, 05:21 AM

Are you saying you have no social life outside of work with the opportunity to interact with females?

ShadowFoxSP · Feb 16, 2016, 05:53 AM

Of course I do. I've got plenty of female friends and the like. Just getting anymore then friendship that ends up as my problem

smoothy · Feb 16, 2016, 12:30 PM

This is one of the prime reasons I say it's a really bad idea to date anyone you work near.

If you find THIS awkward... image how bad it would be if you actually dated each other or more... and it ended badly.

I've seen it many times... Always ended ugly.. usually one person ended up fired.. sometimes both... I've even seen the police called to carry them off once

talaniman · Feb 16, 2016, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by ShadowFoxSP

Of course I do. I've got plenty of female friends and the like. Just getting anymore then friendship that ends up as my problem

I think I would have already asked this particular female out for coffee or a bite after work already and in person, and not be tripping over a delayed/ignored Facebook reply. Smoothy makes a valid point about those workplace relationships though they can turn ugly rather easily, and a female may hesitate to even consider it.

I think the difference between a guy who dates a lot and the one who can't get a date is in the risks of rejections they take. So why are you not simply asking more girls out?

CravenMorhead · Feb 17, 2016, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by ShadowFoxSP

All right, so, there's this young lady that works in the same building as I do. I see her often enough, and when I do I make a special effort to talk to her, and I mean a real special effort. Not just hello and how are you but I engage her about likes and dislikes and stuff. Anyway though, I ended up friend requesting her on Facebook, assuming and hoping this would further imply and signal my interest in something then just a passing high and bye relationship. I talked to her for a bit on there, and recently got up a bit of courage and just said we should go out some time... and I'll admit it was kind of out of the blue.

The problem now is she hasn't responded at all, and it's been over a day now. So I'm worried, and lost as to what to do next if anything other then just pretend like it didn't happen at all. This could get pretty awkward if I see her at work for example... but she hasn't say, deleted me from her friends for example. So... what do?

She's just not that into you. You might be looking really desperate at the moment. I would have asked her in person to be honest. The question is, do you want to be friends with her or JUST be romantic. Surprisingly enough, this stuff happens. You just need to roll with it. You can just be friends.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 18, 2016, 10:00 AM

Sounds like she may not be as interested as you or she does not go out with guys she works with. Keep it casual. Speak like you always have but back off the dating thing.

ShadowFoxSP · Feb 23, 2016, 02:37 PM

So update I suppose.

She never did reply, but she seemed a little distant so I asked her if we were still "Cool". She answered in the affirmative but she doesn't smile when I wave or say hello anymore, doesn't stop and talk anymore... I'm disappointed because she was a cool gal to talk to. Bah, so disappointed.

catonsville · Feb 23, 2016, 03:29 PM

It may be for the best. Maybe she is not into having a serious relationship with a co-worker and is aware of the pit falls of such, Good time to look else where.

smoothy · Feb 23, 2016, 04:38 PM

She was being nice... so consider her a lost cause at this point and don't pay her any more attention than anyone else. Its obvious she has zero interest now. Any attention you give her would be clearly unwanted by her based on her response and it would not be good for you if she complained.

talaniman · Feb 24, 2016, 08:31 AM

Frustrating as this experience was, don't dwell too long on rejection, that's a waste of time, and better to look at other dating options, preferably outside of work.

ShadowFoxSP · Feb 24, 2016, 09:05 AM

I'm not worried about the rejection, rejection happens often enough. Im just bummed we can't still be friends, she was cool.

talaniman · Feb 24, 2016, 09:27 AM

When the dust settles she may still be cool. Never know.