[pandooraPSA]

I have known my boyfriend for over 20 years and only began a relationship in January 2016. I do not know where I stand with him. When I ask him any question he always say he do not know or he have to think about it and get back to me ( which is never). Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I bought him a gift and some medication because he wasn't well. I as so excited t go at his home give him he stuff. When I reached at his home I told his mum Happy Valentines and give her a hive also. I then handed by boyfriend the medication and the gift bag with a big smile on my face. His response was a big suck teeth and I felt like because I went out of my way to do something nice for him. I stated to cry because I felt so hurt and his mum started crying also, telling him he is not a nice person. I left and sent him a text message expressing how I felt and I know myself worth. I bought stuff and he never buys me anything. I told him I am independent woman and all I want from him is appreciation and respect. He is now saying to me that he do not celebrate holidays and birthdays and I told him that I just an excuse that to buy me gifts. I do not want a man for gifts. Just to love and respect me for me. Should I bête one to call him and start back talking or wait on him.

[joypulv]

Oh no, you are my worst nightmare - and I'm a woman! You've been in a relationship less than a month, yet you are all over him with expectations and gifts with strings attached, wile he's sick. Awful, awful, triple awful.
You say you are an independent, yet your actions and words are full of demands to reciprocate.
You want appreciation while he's sick, for a gift that he isn't ready to appreciate or reciprocate.
He has made it clear that he is not a gift giver, yet you persist in giving and then feeling hurt. UGH!
Respect has NOTHING to do with any of this.
You want to 'know where you stand with him' even though that's the kind of question you ask (if ever) after about 5 YEARS or so of living together and you hope to get married and have children.
You are well over 20, yet sound about 14.

You wait. In fact, you sit down with yourself alone and think about all the 50 things you need to wait about. I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't last.

[J_9]

You've known him over 20 years? Why is he still living with his mother? That's a big red flag in and of itself.

[I wish]

How did he respond when you asked him about why he doesn't buy you anything? What kind of explanation has he given you? Does he pay on dates?

[dontknownuthin]

He's living with his mother.
You don't understand his actions after knowing him for 20 years.
It took this long to date and he's still not acting romantically toward you.
He had no Valentine for you and didn't realize or care that it would hurt your feelings.

If you want to be hurt and confused endlessly, stick with him. Otherwise, move on. He doesn't celebrate birthdays or holidays? What a boring jerk. Why be with someone who skips all the fun in life? I can't imagine dating someone who didn't get excited about fireworks, appreciate gifts from me, think a bit about making me feel special once in a while, feel a little romantic generally about special occasions - forget it. That's a morose and negative person and won't add anything to your life.

The point isn't to have "a boyfriend". Alone is fine, being with the right person is even better. Being with the wrong person is the most lonely thing ever - far worse than being by yourself.

[Oliver2011]

"I stated to cry because I felt so hurt and his mum started crying also, telling him he is not a nice person."

Drama much? Even though he sounds like an insensitive person, your reaction would be a relationship deal breaker for me.

[talaniman]

At some point you will see you are wasting your time trying to make a loving, caring, relationship with someone that's not loving or caring. Ignore the red flags if you want to but that's on you, NOT him.

I can only imagine what dating him has been like, worse knowing him for 20 years and not seeing his insensitive side.

[Fr_Chuck]

Of course don't get me started on Valentine Day, to celebrate the death of a religious person and change his church holiday from a religious day to a day of dating, even matching people up, long ago.

With that said, he has said, he does not buy gifts, birthdays and holiday, So you know, if you want or expect gifts they will not happen.

What happens on dates when you go out?

[CravenMorhead]

I won't belabor any of the points already made here, but just give a little wisdom: In every relationship there is someone who is more into the other then the other is into them. Someone has always fallen harder, you are the one that has fallen harder. You're expecting him to be like you exactly, you do something thoughtful and you expect him to do the same. You should know, at this point what type of person he is based upon what you've seen of him in previous relationships. Nothing should be much of a surprise at this point.

The second piece of wisdom here is you need to figure out where in the relationship you are. Do you think the 20years of friendship is time served in the relationship? Does he? What I mean, and I have seen it mostly in long distance relationships, is how deep do you think your relationship is. Is it like you've been dating for years, or the several weeks that you are? How fast do you think this relationship is going? Do you expect to be married within a year, or just be dating for the next four? Where does he stand? Have you two talked about this? How many serious conversations have you had? Communication seems to be a big issue here.

A last piece of wisdom. People show their love or affection in different ways. Some do it through poetry, some through gifts, some physically, or what not. There are many languages of love and if you expect someone to speak exactly like yourself then you'll be sorely disappointed. You need to talk to him, and him alone, leave the mother out of this, and figure yourselves out.

In answering of your question, I don't think he is cheap. I just don't think he knows you deep enough and you don't know him deep enough to properly know how to express and receive affection.