[help Tyler]

Hello you can call me Tyler. I am going to be completely honest about my life except with my name. My problems may not be that big of a deal to you, but please don't Trivialize my (or others) problems I am only seeking help(not to be made fun of) I'm typing this on a phone so please excuse auto correct. I am 21 years old, and have been overweight my entire life. As long as I can remember people have been making fun of me. When I was little it was always about my weight. The sad part is not only other kids, but adults to. One time In particular I remember walking into a store and while my mom was talking to someone. A man (at least 30) said to his friend while looking at me "he could go a few weeks without eating", and they both started laughing. I began to isolate myself by playing video games instead of trying to make friends. Since I didn't talk much I developed a lisp (I'm currently trying to fix).

During middle school (starting in 5th or 6th grade) kids started making fun of me because of my lisp on top of my weight. In 7th grade I moved to a different city( both are actually small towns) not far away, but different schools. Things changed a little. Most were nice, at least to my face (not saying they talk about me behind my back, but I feel as though everyone looks down on me or makes fun of me), but there were still plenty of bullies. Throughout high school it was about the same except with gay jokes mixed in (I am straight), because I never had a girlfriend and only had one real friend, and I was always hanging out with him (let's call him A). My senior year I made two more friends(let's call them B and C) that I still talk to and hangout with but don't feel close to. I started college and asked a girl out. She said no, and I was more depressed than usual for a week or two (she turned out to be a lesbian). Not long after that I ended up falling in love with one of my friends (B) cousins who lives with him. I told her how I felt and she turned me down, because "I'm in a committed (long... long distance ) relationship. I got extremely depressed, but hoped she would change her mind. Few days later I stayed the night with B, and he had one of his friends over. We started talking and I liked him.

So let's skip a few weeks later I'm still not over her; me, B, and his friend are hanging out at his B's house. I'd thought me and B's friend had become friends. I had talked to him, hung out with him, and told him about B's cousin. That night he said he had to use the restroom, but he snuck into her room and made out with her (possible more ). Me and B got pissed, and I got over her and stopped hanging out with him in the coming few weeks. Let's skip to near the end of my second semester of college. Bullying is not really a thing anymore, but I still have all the negative thoughts (such as feeling like everyone hates me, even my friends).

Friend A has been doing drugs since our junior year of high school, and I have finally gotten sick of it. We are no longer friends. I ask out a another girl get another no. So now halfway through my 3rd semester of college. At this point I've been depressed most my life. I get to the point where I can no longer face people and drop out. I thought about suicide a lot at this point. I didn't talk to any real life friends for about a month (only people I play games online with). I started too feel better so I got a job as a bagger at a grocery store, and started talking to B and C again. Also I made two more friends (D and E). I asked another girl out she said yes. I got my hopes up and that same day she texted saying "can we go just as friends". That one didn't bother me that bad I decided I'll try to be her friend, so I could get used to being around a girl. We only talk like one time a month outside of work (she started working there shortly after I asked her out). I decided to go back to school.

After months of talking to the school and having my financial aid guaranteed, I get a call. In short " your aid had been denied you have 3 days to pay 2000$ or you will be removed from your classes." Yes I'm pissed of at this point. I talked to the school, and they didn't help me. However my boss (who is awesome) told me how to appeal, but it would not help because I have no paper work from a therapist saying I dropped out because of depression. I got over it, and am saving up to pay for it myself. So now we are mostly caught up on my life. In November I turned 21 and another new girl started working with me (this was a little before the school called me).

At first I didn't pay much attention to her (although I did think she was beautiful ). I wish now that I was a little more outgoing around her, because I quickly started to like her. She is a full time student and working part time. Two weeks ago we were working together and a customer came through our line and was joking about what we were getting each other for Valentine's Day. We were joking with him and she started talking about wanting to eat some Mexican. So I helped the man out, and when I came in I asked her "do you want to go get some Mexican" she said "when" I said "we could go tonight" I knew she had not eaten since that morning, and I got off work at 7pm which was 2 or 3 hours after her. She told me she had plans to watch a movie with a (girl) friend, and if they did go she would text me so I wouldn't be waiting, and asked for my number.

I got off at 7 she didn't text so I thought she would be outside, but she wasn't. The next day she was off but came to talk to our boss about needing a day off. She told me she forget to text. I said "it's OK do you still want to get some Mexican sometime" she said yeah. We sent each other our schedule and decided on Friday and also to go bowling. She got really sick Thursday, and I told her if she needed to cancel it would be fine we could reschedule. So, she canceled Friday morning. I texted her Saturday just saying hey, (I was just wondering if she was ok) but she never replied. I'm still wondering if she knew I meant as a date. Sorry about going on a rant about her but it's the freshest thing on my mind right now.

I am currently trying to fix my life. I'm trying to eat less and/or health foods, trying to walk when I'm off work, and working on that lisp. My problem is I keep losing motivation, getting depressed, telling myself what a piece of I am (and much worse). I'm trying to find something I'm passionate about, and I really want a girlfriend. The girl doesn't have to be the last one I talked about, although I would really like her to be. I just want someone I can really talk to, someone I could fall in love with, and them love me. I want to be passionate about something I can have a career in. I always grow bored of everything I try.

Recently I have began thinking about a job helping people in similar situations or kids that need help, but I don't know where to start (especially since I can't escape my state of depression ). There's not really a question at the end I just wanted to get this out. Except can anyone give me advice about how to get over my depression, and what do you think of my life?

[Fr_Chuck]

If you are overweight, do something about it, exercise, diet and change.

If you have a speech issue, get help and change it. (but many people do)

But the main issue, guess what in middle school, high school, people make fun of you, and others, do you wear glasses, they make fun of you, do you have freckles, they make fun of you, are you too smart, all A's, they make fun of you, if you don't use drugs they make fun of you, if you are gay, they make fun of you, if you are a girl and get breasts to early, they make fun of you, if you are a girl and don't get large breasts they make fun of you, boys in the showers at gym, make fun of those with smaller penis or not that much hair,

You did not see all the other, because you were too concerned over yourself.

Do fat people get joked about, yes, is it harder for a really fat person to get some jobs, yes, those are real facts of life, so if you don't like it, change.

But I learned something, I don't personally give a... what anyone else things about me, so if someone things I am fat, so what, if they think my hair is bad, so what, I am almost blind in one eye, guess what, I hate it, since it effects my vision.

Adults, not imature young people, do not say that much to others, if they are properly raised ( not as many are any more)

Try going around the city in a wheel chair ( I did for almost two years) see if you get talked about, (perhaps you talked or joked about someone who lost a leg or a arm ?)

[Wondergirl]

Please list three positive things about you, things that would make me want to know you better.

[joypulv]

I had a lisp til I started 9th grade, when I forced myself to concentrate on keeping my tongue in. Before that, I studied the dictionary to learn as many words as I could that had no s, and I got very good at finding substitute words immediately. I have a very short jaw, so my tongue wants to be part way out of my mouth, and it took me years to keep it in without thinking. I was teased but not bullied, and had no trouble having friends and boyfriends. I wasn't fat but had a fat butt, and got teased about that from other girls only. I didn't get fat until pains from injuries limited my activity. I've been depressed most of my life, but that was because of a demeaning, bitter mother who hated all of us, and I wasn't very good at hanging on to relationships. Added to that was pain starting in my 30s, and it took over 30 years to get it diagnosed correctly.
I have often felt suicidal. In my late 60s, it's less angst of youth and more 'let me go, I've seen it all, I'm tired and in pain.'

Advice? I learned a few things in therapy, both individual and group. Each has it's attributes. I learned about taking responsibility for my actions, number 1. In fact that is basically all most of us need to learn, but how to appreciate what it means and then enact it can take years. In group you not only hear from people who are in similar situations as yours, but also people who are worse off. You get to help each other while helping yourself. That can prepare you for a job someday in the field.

I learned to stop feeling guilty for being depressed and suicidal. People don't want to hear about it because they are powerless to help, and that is frustrating for them. Talk about it with people who are trained and paid to listen, and maybe a good friend who understands. But don't overload on friends or you lose them.

How much of a childhood family basis of love did you have? If it was pretty good, then you can get through this a lot faster. Make a serious study of how to eat and how to control a lisp.

Stop asking girls out on dates. Ask to do spontaneous things together, daytime, short events that each of you can get out of quickly. Get a coffee and walk around town a bit. Even as a group from work. After a while, do things that border on dating and eventually really are dates. So much less pain!

You are the only one who knows if you need professional help. You manage school, work, and most importantly, you manage to interact with people and even ask girls out, so you aren't in a seriously acute depression. It doesn't mean that aren't you chronically hurt and sad about how unfair life is and how much is missing from your life, such as feeling loved. (I like to avoid the word depression and to look for the emotions behind it. Depression is a state of stifled emotions, not an emotion itself. It's a set of symptoms.)

You have within you the seeds of one solution, and that is to help others who are in a similar situation. You can make a life and career of this. You can rescue animals, and they will love you. There are ways.

[talaniman]

Your self esteem seems to take a lot of hits because you depend too much on what others think. A little work on yourself will solve that so make a list of things you want to change and make a plan on HOW to go about it. I think you already have the groundwork in the ideas of what you want to do, and just need to find out how.

Volunteer at a few things, like church groups, and charities, or community projects, and as you learn more about what other people go through, maybe you will start having a more positive outlook on yourself, and a better direction to channel your frustrations. I mean you can hardly think of yourself as piece of crap if you are busy trying to better yourself and want to help others now can you? What better way to meet people like you than doing things you like? See if positive actions and good orderly direction doesn't change your whole attitude.

If your depression persists, and not just a reaction from your teenage years (that you haven't unpacked your emotional BAGGAGE from) and the frustrations of rejection by a few girls, then change that tactic too! Stop looking for love and romance to ease your loneliness, or the fact you are alone. Make female FRIENDS just to hangout for fun. Never know who you meet under those circumstances rather than letting rejection be your guide. Get off those video games and get in a gym, not only is it healthier, but more productive for a young overweight guy.

What do I think of your life? Typical young guy looking for direction. High school is over, and it's time to build a life that you enjoy with friends, FAMILY, and ACTIVITIES that make YOU HAPPY, and in this way you will attract those that want to share that happiness with you, and be to busy to be depressed, not just about your "past", but also the present obstacles we all face while trying just to be happy with ourselves.

At this point I have to ask about your family which you make no mention of. Are they around? Or relatives? If NO, why not? You did mention cousins, but never did I get the impression of older males you respect and can emulate (Uncles, FATHER). To this day I can always point to older males that have had a profound influence on my life and outlook that got me through the bad times and obstacles of my own youth. Gratitude is my attitude for having them in my life.

I think that's your problem young guy, your attitude about your life sucks, and you cannot find a thing to be grateful about... everything seems to be a problem, or frustrating disappointment. If nothing else start being grateful for everyday you get to make positive changes in your life, and then get busy. So the way I see it, your plan is simple, when you are not bagging groceries, hitting the gym, and making time to volunteer, you ask your boss to teach you other jobs in the store you work in, while you try to get back in school.

You probably make a good counselor or social worker. So get busy with MY PLAN, until you can make your own... Just sayin'.

Life is 99% ATTITUDE, so change yours and start LIVING. I just told you how..........start being good to yourself and do good things for yourself.

Homework: Smile at the guy you see in the mirror every morning and he will smile back.........that's a fact and a great way to start the day before you get busy. Hope you're listening because that's the first step in learning!

[Illusion]

Man, if we all just knew we are good humans it would save us from so much suffering. I was an emotional child who was so hurt by all kinds of stuff that happened in my family and it left me so devastated that by the time I was 18 years old I wondered how I was going to make it. If only I had known then what I know now, it would have saved me a lot of grief. You can do all kinds of stuff - therapy, college, going out and trying to make friends and trying to meet the right person but nothing is going to help you more than to know that you are OK and that you matter in this life - no matter what has happened to you. Whatever has happened in the past has not changed who you are and what you want in this life. Yeah, it helps to talk about what has hurt you, but you have to know that whatever challenge you have faced is only going to help you know yourself, so that the next time you don't make the same mistake. Just remember that you, like most people, want a good life and you are a good person and then move to what you want to do, don't give up no matter what. Go out, make friends, talk to people, get to know people - make it about finding out if you like a certain girl - if she says no then she wasn't the right one. If she was then she would want to know you also and want to talk to you to find out who you are, what you like, if you are a nice guy. I made so many mistakes with guys, I thought if a guy was cute then he was worth knowing - what a big mistake because some of those guys were real jerks. The way I see it, I had to go thru some of those lousy experiences because I had to learn about myself, about why I made the wrong choices. Listen, the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept yourself and know that you want a good life, a happy life and then move forward and find people that are also going to recognize and accept you and appreciate you. I wasted so much time on people that were cruel and did not care when I should have moved on. Just don't give up no matter what.