[enlighten_me]

For me, each day is a battle - for acceptance, approval, self-esteem, and happiness. I'm not good at talking to or chatting with people at all. If I try, it comes across as sounding very dumb, so I rather stay quiet in the presence of other people. As a result, I do not have any close friends I can talk to - only friends I hang out with once in a while. People around me are nice in general, but they don't like to include me or let me in on things on a more personal level because I'm boring and not cool to hang around with. I know I sound demanding and needy, but I just feel so left out and unwanted. I like this guy, but I know I am foolish and won't stand a chance because I'm not good enough to deserve it. As I am typing this, the solution seems so obvious... just tell myself to think positive, the choice to be happy is mine, and self-acceptance is the key to high self-esteem and confidence. But being a person who is fun to talk to cannot happen overnight because it is hampered by my lack of confidence. And it does not help that people around me seem to exclude me more and more. This cycle just keeps going, and I find it hard to truly believe that one day I will find happiness and confidence. I also find that this depression is also making it hard for me to concentrate on daily activities. What should I do to gain more self-esteem?

[phillysteakandcheese]

Understand this: You have inherent value just being who you are.
You have unique ideas and perspectives that you can bring to the table. You can do things that make a difference to yourself and the way you feel. We all have potential. You have value, just for being who you are!

You shouldn't feel dumb.
The most brilliant people in the world are the "off thinkers". People that don't think the same way as most others do... People with "outside the box" ideas. You may have a unique perspective on a subject that is outside the thinking of others. When you share that idea, it might be the case that they just don't "get it" the way you do. You may feel you come across dumb, but that's just a matter of learning to express yourself more eloquently. And if you don't have enough information, you can always learn...

Perhaps you are looking for the wrong kinds of people to be your friends?
True friends are tough to find. A true friend doesn't care you are "not cool", and will ensure you are not "left out". A friend values those inherent qualities that are inside you.

As for what you may or may not be "good enough" to deserve... That is entirely in your head. Absolutely everyone has the ability to be happy. We may not all be millionaires, A list actors, lingerie models, or sports superstars, but we can all lead a satisfying life doing what makes us happy, with people that make us happy. Don't you think you deserve to be happy?

What you are doing about improving yourself?
It takes work and effort to feel good about yourself. No one is going to hand over a wonderful life to you just because. Yo've got to make it happen for yourself. You have to learn a lot about yourself and the way life is, and then work hard to make changes and open up opportunities for yourself.

[BlakeCory]

Each day is a battle - for acceptance, approval, self-esteem, and happiness. I'm not good at talking to or chatting with people at all. If I try, it comes across as sounding very dumb, so I rather stay quiet in the presence of other people. As a result, I do not have any close friends I can talk to - only friends I hang out with once in a while. I'm boring and not cool to hang around with. I just feel so left out and unwanted. I'm not good enough. I find it hard to truly believe that one day I will find happiness and confidence. I also find that this depression is also making it hard for me to concentrate on daily activities.

I have felt this way my whole life. I knew like you do that confidence was the key. Knowing something and doing something are two very different things. How do you become confident? How do you believe in yourself?

First take off your glasses, not the ones on your face, the ones on your heart. When you look in the mirror how many good things do you see? Do you spend tearing yourself down or building yourself up? These glasses are telling you that people are excluding you when you might be excluding yourself. They tint everything in a negative light, this is why you are depressed. Make a list of the things you are good at, things you enjoy. Really, write them down on paper and read them everyday.

Do you know Will Ferrell? In my opinion the funniest guy around. Why? Because he is dumb and different. Instead of trying to be like everyone else, instead of being normal he became himself. That's why people love him.

If you hide in silence you will never give anyone the chance to know you and appreciate you. There are no cool people, just confident people. Do you like comedy? Watch comedians and funny movies, everyone loves to laugh. Whatever you do, do your best.

Don't give up and don't base your opinion of yourself on what people think. Write down positive things about yourself and keep adding to it as you become more confident. Take the steps necessary to be successful and happy.

God Bless

[1badchoice]

There's no simple, easy solution to your problem. There are so many people that feel the same way you do... if it were just a matter of "thinking positive" no one would feel this way. Unfortunately, there is a lifetime of experiences that make you feel this way. The most important thing is that you recognize the problem. Now time to take action to get help. I know, easier said than done. Talking to a therapist/counselor would be the primary step to take... There are also tons of support groups out there. I would like to refer you to another site that might give you more insight/support on the road to getting well. NAMI | All Discussion Groups I think the discussion groups here will give you insight/strength to tackle this difficult issue. Hope this helps in some way. Cathy

[Illusion]

It sounds like you have had some difficult times and you need a new way of thinking. Say to yourself each day - something like this, "I now release the past, all pain and all denial. I affirm happiness, friendship, love, truth, goodness, success. Wherever I go I find friendship, acceptance, and love. I love people and people love me. I am confident and serene." Know that your spiritual self is perfect, whole and complete. There is one life, that life is perfect and that life is your life right here and right now. The universe holds nothing against us, ever.

There are opinions - wrong opinions in this life - made up by people that serve no purpose and that hurt. There is an answer for you. I would urge you to read the Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes. Check out the Science of Mind website. You can buy the cds and books online. It deals with why we feel negative and hopeless - and how we can change this. And it works. You must read every day, each day. It will tell you how to go about changing your life, to talk to yourself, how to go about accepting yourself like never before. It will change your life. No matter what you have been through. I tried everything in my life - therapy, art, exercise, relationships, college, making money, spending money, friends, buying things and I still felt like something was missing. I still had trouble feeling confident. I read psychology books that went no where. I asked God to help me, that I needed an answer right here and right now. I got an answer. I have found great comfort and truth about myself. I can't believe some of the wrong ideas that I was given as a child - and it was those wrong ideas - opinions if you will, that caused me a lot of heartache. I have learned a lot about myself and my life. I have found what I was looking for for years. There is an answer and available to you. Bless you.

[bikerguy]

I feel you need to treat the problem "Depression" not all the symptoms that come with being depressed. Although I firmly believe in the power of positive talk. You may need to speak with a Doc to evaluate your depression. All your symptoms will fade away after you address the root problem.

[Beachgrl]

I have the same problem, I rarely talk to anyone. I like to think its just because I don't like anyone but the truth is its because I don't like how I interact with people and it makes me feel bad about myself. I have a boyfriend but no friends and it's been that way for many years. However, it has recently started to improve and I don't know if this will help you but it has helped me. First, you have to try and find yourself and learn to love you, even the parts that aren't so desirable. This takes a very long time so I would suggest just doing this in the mean time but actively pursuing it. Another thing is you have to stop caring what other people think, that is the main problem. You feel like everyone is always judging you, but you have to not care if they are or not. Easier said then done, I know, and it takes time but it'll help in a huge way. Another thing is you can practice on strangers. Think of each person you come into contact with as a new chance to change yourself- to become more confident. If someone says something to you say something back, if it turns out stupid it doesn't matter because you'll never see them again. You can even be the first to comment but practice every day. If you're standing in a line, use that or start with something simpler like commenting about something to a cashier(easy get away). Keep doing this and you'll receive positive feedback more and more and then it will transfer over to the rest of your life. Just don't give up. Even if you have horribly embarrassing moments just keep trying, it will get better.

[vlee]

I used to be terrified to talk in front of groups of people, let alone attempt to be funny or good company. I always thought everything that came out of my mouth sounded so stupid after I had said it.

I combated my awkward shyness head on by taking a speech class. I had to give prepared and impromptu speeches and debate an opponent where the winner was selected by a class vote. It absolutely terrified me. I must have been 10 shades of red for my first few speeches. But, I did it, and after that, it didn't seem like a big deal to talk to a group of people anymore. You could try looking for a public speaking class at your local community college, if you think it might help you.

Also remember, no one is as hard on you as you are on yourself. I think a counselor could help you figure out why yourself esteem has been damaged, and how to repair it. Have you ever considered going?

[YeloDasy]

Good posts here! Treat depression, not just the symptoms... and self esteem and confidents comes from effort, practice, and ACCEPTANCE OF ONES SELF! I would highly suggest counseling and asking them for homework to do... someone to hold you accountable that you trust to practice with... BUILDING self esteem, you will learn a lot about yourself, accept who you are, flaws and all. None of us are perfect and accepting that is the key! You will find friends who love you for who you are... but if you don't get out the cycle somehow, you will find yourself here again and again. You teach people how to treat you!! People probably don't think you want to be included, by your actions... maybe its not that you are different at all! :)

[bikerguy]

Sounds like anxiety disorder rather than depression. Fearful thoughts are indications of G.A.D or other anxiety problem. Agoraphobia is another common, but never talked about emotional illness. They all are learned behaviors that can be treated easily!