[shorty28]

Hi I Know How Hard It Is But U Need 2 Take Care Of Yourself Screw The Man. There Always Someone Out There Better 4 U Better Him Than U Stop Letting Him Hurt U Is Going 2 Come A Point That He Really Mite Kill U Let Him Go U Don't Need Him Do U Have Any Kids If U Do They Don't Need to be Seeing That U Know Please Help Yourself And Let Him Be.

[NowWhat]

Again, I am sorry that your parents are treating you this way. It angers me that they are using their christianity like this. My family are christians also, my mother sings in the choir, my father is one of the ushers. My sister teaches Sunday School. But, let me tell you, they would kill my husband if he was doing to me what your husband is doing to you.
From now on, don't go to them - go to a shelter. There you will get the support that you need.

I guess that your family doesn't realize that they are re-enforcing what your husband is telling you.
Let me tell you something - YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. YOU ARE NOT UNIMPORTANT.
YOU CAN MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. You have brought children into this world. You can do anything. Do NOT let anyone tell you that you can not do something. Do not believe that it is God's Will for you to be beaten down.
Do not believe that He wants you to be in constant pain - He LOVES YOU and he is by your side - you have to take the step - He will be there.
Do Not Buy into all of this BS - you are a better, stronger person than the one that is abusing you.

[Ash123]

Ok, time for a slightly controversial, but hopefully thought provoking and ultimately helpful take on this:

When someone SAYS they are Christian (your parents), that does not make them a Christian.

That is like me saying... I am an Astronaut.
It seems great, and I know a lot about it, but at the end of the day it's just words: I've never been to the moon!
May not presently... (HANG ON HERE)... Christians. They go to church.
They may believe in a resurrection.
But does that make them Christians? To my mind - No. [/U]

It seems that your parents are being a little intellectually lazy and fixating on one part of Christianity (Forgiveness) at the expense of all others. I am not going to turn this into a religious forum, but granting forgiveness is something we do for a cause.
Suffering is something we do for a cause. Your marriage does not benefit mankind (or YOU) if it is inherently flawed.
it is hard to justify it as a cause, if no one benefits.

Yes, marriage vows are sancrosanct, but they are human vows - and to err is human. And I would argue that to forgive YOU for aking that error is divine. It is not un-christian to love him the best you can - and protect yourself. And yes, leave if necessary. You are human. Not a deity. You are flesh and blood. Protect yourself.

Your life sounds like a 4-star disaster. Your parents are of no help right now, and if I had to guess, they are not exactly great role models. What you are describing must end.. NOW.
Life is short and yours is getting shorter. You are with the wrong man.

It is tragic that he has mental problems - but you cannot make him into what he is not - but he can make you into what you are not... and he is succeeding. Be a hero. Fight. Even if it's on your own.

A just God would not punish you for standing up for yourself and doing the tough things so your soul can thrive and you can show others the way to survive as well....THAT is being a Christian.

No one ever said life was easy. But doing what's right is often what makes it livable and fulfilling in the end.

God speed.



(Note: I have no denominational stake in this posting.)

[julesz7]

Just a couple of words... GET OUT!
Don't put yourself, kids etc at risk. Take care of yourself.
YOUR FAMILY DONT ALWAYS KNOW WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU

[shorty28]

U Know What I'm Sorry 2 Say This. But Who Cares What Ur Parents Want. U Need 2 Save Yourself And If It Means That Ur Parent Won't Talk 2 U Then Be Ii.they Will Talk 2 U In Some Point. Hey He's Hurting U. U Don't Need to be There Get Out While U Have Time.

[shorty28]

Now that everyone knows my situation, I would also like to ask opinions on something else. My parents and siblings are well aware of my situation. When my husband would hurt me, I would go to my parents, bleeding , and they would bandage me or whatever. I would stay with them for a few days. During that time, I mentioned to my mother that I needed to press charges against my husband for hurting me. Her response was "two wrongs don't make a right." Every time I would have to come stay with them, they would tell me I needed to go back home. I had a good life growing up, I don't understand how on Earth they could feel this way. My sisters and my parents go on and on about how lucky I am to have him, and how good he is to me, and how hard he works. All of this greatly adds to my confusion!!!!!! If I try to leave my husband, my mother quits talking to me-then I start doubting myself. I do not doubt that my mother loves me, but this just makes no sense. Also, the last time I tried to leave him, he said he was going to kill himself. He disappeared for three days, saying that he was going to commit suicide. He ended up in a mental hospital for a month. My parents felt sorry for him-and told me that they were praying for my husband and I to be reunited. I went home. Ever since then, I have just given up. Thanks to all who answered my other posts, I hope I am not getting on anyone's nerves, but I really need help with this whole family issue.

U don't need to be with this guy no matter what ur parents say. So if they go 2 church i go 2 church and i still protect my kids they are my priority. And my everything.ur parent need 2 support what u need in life.if ur were my fri3nd u would be here in my home right now so please decide what u going 2 do before is 2 late.

[Nohitter410]

What is best for your childrent? Isn't it self evident. I understand the concern of being alone but being alone is far better than ending up hurt. Your kids don't need to be around this and you will win the custody battle as well as financial support. Those two issues shouldn't be a concern.

Why make excuses for him? I am sorry he had a bad ubringing but that means nothing. It is his past he can make amends if he wants to but he chooses not to because of a lack of respect for you and your children. Please get out for your sake and the children. You understand what you are doing to your kids, no child will grow up sane seeing all this stuff and his mother allowing it to continue to go on and act like it is normal. The only way to correct it is to get out and not look back. He may be the father but that doesn't give him the right to do what he is doing. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR A JERK!! He is that and your parents don't understand what is truly going on and it is ultimately not their decision either, it is yours.

[richcali]

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!

The abuse will not stop with you soon as the children get on his nerves they will be next to be abused. This is a proven fact in almost all cases. This teaches your children that hitting and hurting anyone when your mad is OK and they will grow up to be abusers.

This is domination with pain and not a relationship and certainly not an environment for children to be raised in.
PLEASE
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
Additional contacts for the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
Help via email: [email protected]

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Help, Treatment, Intervention, and Prevention

This link will lead you to a page on how to get out of a abusive relationship they have great information that is proven to work THIS IS ALL THEY DO AND THEY CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN.

I am sure your parents think they are doing the right thing or they just don't know what to do. Religion should never allow one to cause pain to another... isn't that the whole point?
You should tell your parents that forgiving him is only hurting him and not getting him the help he needs and if he won't get help while in the marriage all you can do to help him is to leave him. This is Bullsh*&# but it may help them see something needs to be done and then show them how many women in abusive relationships die at the hands of their spouse when they tell you to go back to him. Ask them why they want you to die and have an abuser raise your children alone, how scary of a thought is that?

GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN I WISH ONLY THE SAFEST AND BEST FOR YOU

From
richcali with love

[candy98]

Wow , That What The First Thing That Come To My Mind After Reading Your Email. I'm A Woman That Dealth With A lot Of Abuse From My Husband , Your Family Is In A Hard Place, They Try To Keep Peace But The Peace Will Only Be Found In The Bible Right Now. Do You Stay Many Would Say No But There Only One Person That Could Answer The Question In You Read It Now. No One Can Answer But If Ever You Need A Friend Voice Im Here Email Me At [email protected] . At You Time Of Pain I Pray That God Will Will Guide You He Will Teach You What It Take To Make It Work Or Just Walk Out. After 15 Hard Years My Husband Was Killed Not By Me But At A Bar, People Ask Me Did That Give Me Peace My Anwer Is No. I Wish That I Could Had Seen Him Be The Man The Man That God Knew He Could Had Been.

[Marcusstorm]

Geez that's a really bad situation. I once had a boyfriend who used to self harm, every time I had a fight with him he would slash up and talk about suicide. The difference in my situation is my mum has a severe psychiatric disorder so not only am I more skilled in dealing with this type of things, I would also never tell her about him because she simply would not understand. Im sorry but I can't understand why your parents would be acting like that, maybe your mum wants you married and away or maybe she just feels responsible for him. Im not sure. What you need to think about is what makes you hapopy. I f you are only staying with him because of his threats or because you feel pity for him it is not working. Its your life, you only have one chance to make it perfect. Everyday is a blessing... dont ever let another person pin you down with their problems. He needs help, he is holding you back. He may well be clinging to you for the last glimmer of life but you cannot be responsivble for that kind of thing. Get out!!

[Marcusstorm]

Do not stick by with the abuse. You do not deserve it

[Maricruz]

No one should have to endure a situation of abuse, be it emotional or physical. Your parents sound like they are very old fashioned and hold on to the belief that the husband should be the provider and the woman the nurturer. Marriage is a partnership and both partners should be equal, I am not talking women's lib here, what I am saying is that both partners should respect each other, and the way he is abusing you doesn't show any respect. Your kids are learning that it is o.k. to treat women like dirt and if you don't break the cycle now, it will continue when they grow up.
Don't stay just because he can provide "nice things", he could be dirt poor and love you to death and you would be much happier than you are now.
Yes, leaving is scary, but staying could be worse. I don't know where you live, but if you live in a community property state remember 1/2 of everything is yours.
Counseling only works when both parties want to get better, it doesn't sound like it's the case here.

[talaniman]

Counseling only works when both parties want to get better, it doesn't sound like it's the case here.

It is way to late for marriage counseling. You should see someone to help you heal from his abusiveness though, after you get away from him.

[dreamgurl068]

Yeah you may forgive but never forget what he did to you but you don't need to stay with a man who hurts you and does not make you happy if you have given up then you need to leave him because it will never work as long as he hurts you and don't worry about your family because they are always going to be there even if you are not with them and the suicide thing don't worry about that all that is him trying to make you feel sorry for him so you won't keave but don't fall foe that stuff leave him that's the best thing you can do with yourself and your life

[teachermama3]

After enduring years of mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse, I have come to the realization that I can not continue on this way. Living with this man, living in this relationship is wearing me down. It is taking a serious toll on my physical health. I never feel good anymore. I can hardly eat without experiencing severe stomach pain and/or nausea. For a couple of months now, I have been seeking advice on here about whether I should leave my husband. The response has been overwhelming. I had begun to look for a place to go for me and my children, and found a suitable apartment. It would be based on my income. The other day, the lady called me and said I had been denied the apartment due to insufficient credit. I was really upset. It seems like there is no way out of this. There is no escape. I have no money saved up, I am a substitute teacher and it is summer, so right now I don't even have a job. My family is not supportive of my leaving him, so I can't go there. And I absolutely will not go to a shelter. I feel like I have nowhere to turn to? I have been with him since I was 16- and I am 28 now. Is there any starting over for someone like me? Does anyone have any suggestions? How do you go about finding a place to live when you don't have very good credit? Any advice would be appreciated...

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, you move, period, pack and go, you go to a women's and family shelter and let them help you with counseling, job skills and getting and starting a new life.

[talaniman]

A women's shelter is the place to get started and they can give you the services you need to get your life in order. There are probably several groups in your area to help you. Just do it, and don't look back.