[hurricane]

I was with someone on and off for 3 years, we don't live in the same country now. He broke it off with me, after a while before I had broken it off with him. It was an up and down relationship,and I never felt understood or valued. I dated someone else, which turned into a short fling, which he found out about. When he found out, it had happened about a year before, but I hadn't told him as I was scared what the consequences would be. Any way he broke contact with me, despite every effort I made to try and put things right. It was very traumatic, and I can feel I am starting to heal now. But I really miss him ,and would really like some closure. I do feel like I want him back, but don't want to hold on and keep hoping to hear from him. His career seems to be doing very well, and I am very hurt that he completely dropped me, and focused on that - like it never meant anything. I just need some advice on how to get over this, as it's so painful.

[JoeCanada76]

First - He is in another country, does it really matter anymore. It should not. Even if you both got back together it would not really truly be together because he lives in another country.

Second - If your starting to heal but trying to make contact again will just open everything up again and cause more heartache.

Third - He is in another country. He is not with you anymore. You can not control somebody else's reactions. That is a choice he made and you need to find the respect to let his choice be.

Fourth - Keep yourself busy.

Fifth - Stop living in the past. The future is without him and you need to live your life as if it is your last day. Do not live in the past but actually learn from the past.

Joe

[hurricane]

Thank you for your reply. I think though if we wanted to be together, we could be in the same country- not that he wants to be with me. I think I know not to contact him, as I would want it to come from him anyway, if it ever did.
I know I can't control his reactions, it's helped me to think I need to find the respect to let his choice be, and you're right. If I do really love him, I'll do that. I do try and keep busy, but this happened a year ago and I still am finding it hard to forget. I went to visit him and he would not speak to me. I even paid back some money I felt was owing and nothing was said. I suppose I am afraid to live my life, and to totally let go in my mind, as I do really love him. I now that sounds crazy. I just don't understand how he has managed to let go so easily.

[hurricane]

PS The visit was straight after it happened, to try and put things right. I thought I would add that in