[bbfuller1]

Hello all.
Me and my ex girlfriend dated for a little under a year. I'm 29 and she is 32. At about the 6 month mark she told me she loved me and was falling in love with me. It put me in an awkward position because I wasn't close to there yet. It takes me longer to get to know someone before I can/tell them I love them or am in love with them.
She was a great girlfriend. Supportive, caring, loving, but for some reason I had in my mind that she just wanted anybody. She kept pictures up of her and her ex on her Facebook page and every post she made about him was almost the exact stuff she made about me...
I know worrying about that stuff is kind of dumb, but it made me feel like I'm no different.
It got to a point where I wasn't really attracted to her anymore and I didn't really want to do things with her anymore. That is when I broke things off.
She kept in contact almost EVERY week. Calling me or texting me. Seeing and asking how I was. I was polite and answered back. I met someone about a month later and we dated for about a month and things didn't work out. About a month ago my ex has been calling me more and texting more. I started to think, OK maybe I should give it another try.
So here's the problem... Over the past month we slept together twice. We went out on 2 dates. Sometimes she is VERY SWEET to me and I see the girl she use to be, but sometimes she is VERY rude and mean to me for no reason. We talked about getting back together and she said she's very confused. I find out on Monday that she is on Match.com.
I addressed this to her and she said she was, but hasn't met anyone and isn't talking to anybody and isn't really to date anyone. We went out 2 days ago for dinner and things went OK. We gave each other a small kiss goodbye and that was that.
I'm just so depressed and confused over this situation. Right when I'm about to forget her, she reaches out and gives me a sweet/kind text or phone call. Calls me handsome etc. I just don't know what to do. She's single and I know she's free to do what she wants, but I don't want to date her if she's dating around with other guys. If she's confused, dating me and other guys at once isn't going to help the situation.
What should I do?

[smoothy]

If you even have to ask... then NC is the way to go. Not many people can break up, remain friends and there not be some sort of hard feelings etc on one side or both. Its just how it is...

And the old "If at first you don't succeed, try try and try again" doesn't work with relationships when its the same person over and over again.

If it didn't work the first time...its not going to work the second, third or fifteenth time either.

You are just wasting time....and it might seem like you have all the time in the world...fact is it passes by very fast. And when its gone, its gone.

[Homegirl 50]

Go NC. Tell her you think it best to leave her alone. Then really stay away from her.

[westernrider19]

Okay well I'm going to tell you some things you might not want to hear but will help you. Okay first off, the way you described her sounds like she just wants a title. No girl goes on a dating site and doesn't find someone to talk to especially if she's got some looks. This is more of an expression but don't kill yourself over a girl, she will only bring another man to your funeral meaning don't get your panties in a twist over something that's not meant to be because the second she realizes your upset shell find someone else. Sometimes we make all this room for someone and its like an option for them to sit but its your obligation, so stop making room for her wait until she asks for room. I am girl, take it from me... girls are confusing. You probably didn't understand any of that. Your feelings are the way they're supposed to be. Sounds a bit like she's leading you on though. Stop sleeping around with her! You, nor her needs that. The next time she tries to get you under the blankets tell her you don't want to do this if its just going to be a one night stand kind of thing. Sex if meant for showing someone you truly love them often people forget that. Sound like she's meant to play a role in your life, maybe not a serious girlfriend though. And even if she's not just remember it's the end of a chapter not the book! Hope it all works out in your favor.

[Jake2008]

The most important part of you question, to me, is, you seem to know there is no future with this woman, you can clearly see that she has qualities and behaviours that you do not like (the dating site), her abrupt change of moods, etc.

Indeed, you have already broken up with her once, but you allow yourself to slip back into the same old patterns with her.

It seems she wants you as much as you want her, or you would end it, walk away, and move on.

From what you have said, clearly she does not meet your expectations, needs, or wants. From what you have said about her, as has been said in the above posts, she 'needs' a boyfriend, and you are handy, until perhaps she gets a better match on the dating site.

It is also a customary thing, when you are in a relationship with someone, or even beginning to have an interest in someone, that you do NOT continue to be active on a dating site. Right there shows that she is interested in you, not in the same way you are interested in her.

I also think that, at her being 32, there is a history of similar behavior, with others that came before you. Maybe she is simply not relationship material, for whatever reason(s).

I would not expect change from her. And from that realization, you should be able to determine what you need to do, in order to move on and find a more suitable relationship.

[bbfuller1]

Thank you for the replies everyone. It is much appreciated. Here is the only thing I feel guilty/depressed about. She use to be so sweet and kind, but now she gets rude and she has this "I don't give a crap" attitude. Is this her true self? Or did I make her like this since I broke up with her and she's bitter towards me? We went on a date this past Tuesday to the mall to do some shopping. They had a beautiful Christmas Merry Go Round in the middle of the mall that you could ride. I thought it would be fun and cute. I asked her if she wanted to ride it together. She looks at me in a pissed off and annoyed manner and says "Uh, No". It put a damper on my night. So, I guess I am just struggling with the question... Is this who she really is and it took a year for it to come out? Or is she just bitter with me? Bc if this is who she really is I'm glad I ended it months ago and dodge the bullet then...
Any thoughts on that?

[talaniman]

She doesn't mind a friends with benefits type of thing but obviously you can't handle that so leave her alone period. Nothing wrong with being an old fashion type of guy, but that does mean stay away from the ladies that have no interest in that. I doubt you have changed or even influenced her behavior in any way... she just is the way she is, and yes sometimes it takes a while to see and understand the true nature of a person, or do something about it.

Try not to be so disappointed this experiment didn't work like you expected, just accept it for what it was and move beyond the experience. Isn't that what dating is about? Having fun getting to know someone? You tried, TWICE, time to move on with no regrets.

[catonsville]

Time to say "Adios Amiga" and mean it. NC means NC

[bbfuller1]

She text me this lastnight "Hey! I hope you have a great start to your week!"
I took everyone's advice and went NC. Although I feel bad ignoring her. I know its for the best.
Is it safe to say that she does this stuff (Texting, seeing how I'm doing etc) To keep me on the back burner? Because feeling that way, makes it a bit easier to move on.

[Wondergirl]

She text me this lastnight "Hey! I hope you have a great start to your week!"
I took everyone's advice and went NC. Although I feel bad ignoring her. I know its for the best.
Is it safe to say that she does this stuff (Texting, seeing how I'm doing etc) To keep me on the back burner? Because feeling that way, makes it a bit easier to move on.

She probably wants to see if you miss her. And, yes, back burner time. Continue NC. She'll live through it.

[talaniman]

I think she is just checking to see if you have changed your mind about being her booty call when she needs it. That's what a non exclusive friends with benefits relationship is all about. She isn't worried about getting over you at all since you can be replaced and have been.

No need to feel bad about ignoring her and staying out of her game.