[dancorm]

Hello -

I am writing on behalf of my sister's situation... She has visitation rights with her son ( she is supposed to have him every Tuesday night and every other weekend).

To make a long story short, due to a bitter divorce and no love lost between husband and wife, the son doesn't want to visit with his mother... He won't get out of the car when she goes to pick him up for visitations...

The father says its not his problem and does nothing to encourage the son to go with his mother... He is 12 by the way... Its been almost a year since her son has visited with her and its breaking her heart... She asks why he doesn't want to come visit and just shrugs his shoulders and says he doesn't know why... so sad...

What to do to get him to visit?? Even the courts say he has to go with the mother, but he will not budge out of the car...

[Fr_Chuck]

I would like to say he is 12, and why is he even given a choice.

And perhaps she could and should take the father back to court for not obeying the visitation order and perhaps seeing if court ordered counseling may be approved, to see if father is saying negative things, or if the court battle has destroyed the child's trust in the parent.

Even today, the mother normally still gets either custody or joint custody, for a mother not to get custody, there is often a underlying reason? Is there one?

[dancorm]

Well, they had shared custody at first, but she struggled with him during the visits... (he wouldn't listen, shower, dress, eat, etc.) until she got to the point that she would call the father to come and get him...

The problem now is that he will not budge out of the car... No matter what a court document says, he will not physically leave the car to go with her... the court did order him to stay overnight... but he will not budge and she obviously is going to drag him out of the car, kicking and screaming...

[talaniman]

I feel for your sister, but until someone gets to the bottom of his issues then it's hard to find a solution for them. No telling what he has seen, been through, or going through with this bitter divorce by his parents, and counselling is all I can come up without knowing more.

I venture the father is not cooperating to his fullest either, not unheard of but as was said maybe court ordered counselling is the solution. All of them should be in counselling for that matter.

[ScottGem]

The father is required to make the child available for court ordered visitation. He is not required to force the child to go. At 12 the child can refuse to get out of the car and doesn't have to be forced.

So what the mother needs to do is find out WHY the child doesn't want to go. I would enlist a therapist to do some family counseling to see what the issues are. The mother may need to go back to court to get a judge to order the counseling.