Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    PDonnelly's Avatar
    PDonnelly Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 12, 2015, 11:20 AM
    Is this scene appropriate to include in a story?
    When he got to school , Peter was feeling quite elated. He was glad Rachel had noticed his trousers and cap, and had called him Mr. ' in response to his greeting. It had made him feel grown up, as he wanted to look. At his locker he met his two friends, Frederick and George.
    . 'Look at Peter all dressed up,' said Frederick. Like the cap.'
    Thanks,' said Peter.
    'And grey trousers,' George remarked.
    . 'You're allowed,' Peter replied as he took off his cap and put it away with his bag.
    . 'Are you going somewhere?' asked Frederick.
    'You know where I'm going,' said Peter, and they all laughed as they headed for the toilets.
    . They usually congregated around the urinals at this time of day. This morning however Peter walked past them, heading for the cubicles. Both his friends it seemed, were today doing the same. There were only three in the block, and luckily all free.Peter had hoped for one on the end but the other two got there first and he had to take the one in the middle. At least it was clean, he thought as he shut the door and put the seat down. As he unfastened his belt Frederick, already sitting on the toilet said, 'So are you trying to impress Rachel Pearson then?'
    . 'What do you mean?' Peter asked as he sat down. He had hoped for some peace but saw that was unlikely.
    . 'Your new clothes,' said. George.
    . Before he could reply Peter let out a loud fart which lasted several seconds and c caused the other two boys to laugh.
    . 'I might be,' he said, and farted again.
    . 'Wait till we tell her,' teased Frederick.
    . 'Tell her what?' Asked Peter.
    . 'The way you fart when you're on the bog,' said George.
    . 'Shut up,' said. Peter and they all laughed. Then they pooed in silence.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Nov 12, 2015, 11:42 AM
    Who is the audience reading this? Why go for toilet humor? Can't they have this conversation in the cafeteria or playground without the farting?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
    Expert
     
    #3

    Nov 12, 2015, 01:28 PM
    10 year old boys might think it's funny.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Nov 12, 2015, 01:40 PM
    True!
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
    Expert
     
    #5

    Nov 12, 2015, 02:17 PM
    Personally, I find it vulgar. But, I'm not a boy, and I'm not 10 years old.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #6

    Nov 12, 2015, 03:33 PM
    P, if you are going to keep asking questions about your writing, then we need to know who your audience is and what reaction you are trying to evoke.

    If this is for a class, you might consult your teacher who would know what the assignment covers and can give guidance based on what he/she is looking for.

    If this is for your self, decide who your target audience is. Write your story as though you are sitting down telling them the story. Would this catch their attention? Would it cause them to want to hear more?

    To me, this doesn't seem realistic and seems like it is written to gross out the audience instead of add to the plot development.

    A last thought, if you are male, do you stand in front of the urinals and hang out with your mates? If you are female, is that what you really think males do? Would you want to read about it if they did?

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

How to efficiently cool a two story home if top story not used? [ 7 Answers ]

We only use the top floor for guests but we noticed that this week when we had guest over the downstairs stayed cooler (the rooms that get air last were much cooler) because we were cooling the upstairs what is the appropriate way to efficiently cool upstairs and down what temp should we set...

Twisted love story or not-such-a-sad-story? [ 2 Answers ]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. Its been my first long term relationship and I have learnt a lot about love. In the past I was a big flirt and was never shy around boys. I only went on dates and hada few men chasing me. (not trying to sound too big headed) But this...

Please help me : an horror story but true story [ 5 Answers ]

Please this is only 1/3 of the actual story: Hi all. I ve worked at several financial institutions , this one being a pretty large bank in America. In the years I have been there we had been going through a lot of management changes. Please note: I didn't know anyone that worked there other than...

A love story just remember a scene from a gas station I think a 60s theme.. [ 0 Answers ]

.. it was a love story.. all I remember was a gas station scene , guy had those fonzie style.. the black leather jacket.. and don't think others wanted the relationship between them.. think one of them died.. not sure.. :(

Can't remember movie title.detective story.one specific scene [ 2 Answers ]

If somebody can help me about this one... So, it's something like detective story On the beginning a man spends night with some girl and findes her dead in the bed next morning ( we know that he is not guilty, but local detective, or something like that, doesn't think he is innocent ). I...


View more questions Search