Check out some similar questions!

Precious7 · Oct 30, 2015, 03:54 PM

Can a Man become so ambitious to do well in life and successful, and in that ambitions sometimes can look over connecting with families? Is it even healthy?
Is it sometimes OK to be like this if the man is stressed about the life and future and to provide for family. And Work so hard that, doesn't get the time for family. And weekend and holidays goes by just resting after the hectic work schedule. And from Monday, again those busy cycles starts. So, does every couples experience this stage in their life?

talaniman · Oct 30, 2015, 04:01 PM

I don't think every couple goes through this and some adjust better than others to very ambitious breadwinners. I would imagine the divorce rate is high among those that choose career over family. It's a tricky balance for many couples.

Precious7 · Oct 30, 2015, 06:30 PM

Oh wow! Really? But isn't it because of the family the man wants to provide that's why they are so stressed and work hard! And its not going to be that way when they are settled financially.

Tal! Also, what do you mean when you say adjust better. What kind of adjustments the couple supposedly go through?
Thank you. Its helpful.

Wondergirl · Oct 30, 2015, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by Precious7

Oh wow! Really? But isn't it because of the family the man wants to provide that's why they are so stressed and work hard! And its not going to be that way when they are settled financially.

Tal! Also, what do you mean when you say adjust better. What kind of adjustments the couple supposedly go through?
Thank you. Its helpful.

Why can't he do restful activities with his family? It sounds like he will burn out quickly the way he's going and not do well at work AND at home.

Precious7 · Oct 30, 2015, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why can't he do restful activities with his family? It sounds like he will burn out quickly the way he's going and not do well at work AND at home.

Yes, he can during weekends then also there is other stuffs like doing his hobbies.. and that also takes an immense amount of time out of family time together. But its not like that we cant participate in his hobbies and spend time together that way.

Wondergirl · Oct 30, 2015, 06:46 PM

What does he do at work?

What about evenings?

talaniman · Oct 30, 2015, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by Precious7

Oh wow! Really? But isn't it because of the family the man wants to provide that's why they are so stressed and work hard! And its not going to be that way when they are settled financially.

Got kids? They get more expensive not less, and being "financially settled" usually comes after they can manage a life on their own. After the house is paid for. Sometimes life doesn't go smooth, or as planned and reality has been known to change people, sometimes not for the better.

Tal! Also, what do you mean when you say adjust better. What kind of adjustments the couple supposedly go through?
Thank you. Its helpful.

To be able to stay together and work together for the same things in life requires adjustments just because people can change and not be on the same page and that's just reality. Life throw a lot of stuff at us, some we see coming, sometimes its out the blue... stuff happens. People and priorities change.

Life changes.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 31, 2015, 12:52 AM

Many men can get obsessed with work. It happens with many professional people. For years I put my career and wealth ahead of family, friends and anything.

It is a choice the person makes.

ma0641 · Oct 31, 2015, 09:50 AM

For a lot of people, success is an ego trip. "I made $XXXX last year and got a new BMW".

smoothy · Oct 31, 2015, 10:10 AM

Look at it this way... he could be one of the lazy ones that can't hold a job because he shows up when he feels like it... and you live in the projects or a run down trailer park because you can't afford anything better.

Precious7 · Oct 31, 2015, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Got kids? They get more expensive not less, and being "financially settled" usually comes after they can manage a life on their own. After the house is paid for. Sometimes life doesn't go smooth, or as planned and reality has been known to change people, sometimes not for the better.

To be able to stay together and work together for the same things in life requires adjustments just because people can change and not be on the same page and that's just reality. Life throw a lot of stuff at us, some we see coming, sometimes its out the blue... stuff happens. People and priorities change.

Life changes.

Thanks. And No kids yet! :). But planning for one soon.

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What does he do at work?

What about evenings?

Recruitments! And all other kinds of works. The work place is not organized.. so sometimes one person has to do multiple stuffs.

Evening! Very tired, and want to rest either or watch something important, and do the school works bcos he is studying also part time. :/

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Many men can get obsessed with work. It happens with many professional people. For years I put my career and wealth ahead of family, friends and anything.

It is a choice the person makes.

Ditto chuck! So is healthy or not!

Originally Posted by smoothy

Look at it this way... he could be one of the lazy ones that can't hold a job because he shows up when he feels like it... and you live in the projects or a run down trailer park because you can't afford anything better.

Oh! No I don't want that too. I guess, I have to adjust!

DoulaLC · Oct 31, 2015, 12:28 PM

Sometimes a middle ground will have to be found. If the hectic lifestyle is seen as only temporary, and both people can see that and agree on it, that is one thing... some jobs, new opportunities, goals, etc. will take a good deal of time and effort, but if there doesn't seem to be an end in sight, and one person, or the family, is feeling as though they always get the last of that person, it will be a problem.

He may see it as providing for his family, and what he should be doing... the partner may see it as time being taken away from the family, and not feeling like a priority. Communication about goals, expectations, and compromise are key.

Precious7 · Oct 31, 2015, 02:45 PM

Thank you for the advice.
If there is something more to learn, I would love that too.
Thanks.

talaniman · Oct 31, 2015, 03:00 PM

Communication about goals, expectations, and compromise are key.

It's an ongoing process that both have to be willing to do... for life.

Precious7 · Oct 31, 2015, 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

It's an ongoing process that both have to be willing to do... for life.

What if he says - no! Now its my time to focus on work. We will always have time to be together in life. :/

talaniman · Nov 1, 2015, 05:31 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...lp-792160.html

Let me ask you first if you intend to be a stay at home mother after you have kids, or will you be looking to continue your career after giving birth?

Precious7 · Nov 2, 2015, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...lp-792160.html

Let me ask you first if you intend to be a stay at home mother after you have kids, or will you be looking to continue your career after giving birth?

Ok to be honest, I already saw this past post of mine coming here in this one.
Anyway, I will stay home for a while when my kids are very young, but then I will continue to work. So I am not going to work after giving birth but I will wait for few years or ''may be'' I will work part time from home.

talaniman · Nov 2, 2015, 03:38 PM

I remember well the working many hours while in school to qualify for a better job. There was no time for much else except whatever rest one could get. It had to be done. The regrets for missing the family stuff and the kids growing didn't come until much later when they were almost grown and gone.

Most men have little choice but to take the opportunity to provide when it happens and expect the wife too understand and see when the family starts to grow, and the wife isn't working the financial burden grows also.

Can you not see his point of view that your plan means more responsibility with less money later? Life is messy and unpredictable as is the interactions of married people. You have your ideas, and goals, and ways of doing things, and he has his... work together as best you can. It's never easy.

Plenty of obstacles along the road of life. You have it made now with no kids, it gets harder after they get here.

Learning to communicate, and work together is an ongoing process for life.

Precious7 · Nov 3, 2015, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I remember well the working many hours while in school to qualify for a better job. There was no time for much else except whatever rest one could get. It had to be done. The regrets for missing the family stuff and the kids growing didn't come until much later when they were almost grown and gone.

Most men have little choice but to take the opportunity to provide when it happens and expect the wife too understand and see when the family starts to grow, and the wife isn't working the financial burden grows also.

Can you not see his point of view that your plan means more responsibility with less money later? Life is messy and unpredictable as is the interactions of married people. You have your ideas, and goals, and ways of doing things, and he has his... work together as best you can. It's never easy.

Plenty of obstacles along the road of life. You have it made now with no kids, it gets harder after they get here.

Learning to communicate, and work together is an ongoing process for life.

Thank you Tal! And all of you. Yes I will understand. And I am working too part time to partner with him. And yes, I will do all the adjustment, compromise. And also communicate and work together. :). Thank you. :)