[amorius2005]

There is a girl I have been dating for about a month. She went to China with a couple of her cousins. She contacted me while she was waiting for the plane, and that's the last time she really spoke to me. She contacted me once through IM while she was gone, and said she misses me, but then when I went to speak to her, she said she has to go. I contacted her a few days later, and she kind of brushed off the conversation. I have left her alone since. Its been about 4 days since we spoke. However, she can make time to post pics all over instagram, and FB but, say nothing to me. Considering we just started dating, should I call this one quits?

[joypulv]

Considering you just started dating, and she is on a far away exciting vacation with her cousins, you should GO ABOUT YOUR USUAL LIFE, and not make one single assumption! Good grief.
I mean, if you feel like calling it quits, be my guest, but wouldn't that be foolish?
She said she misses you. If that can't hold you til she gets back, then you have real problems.
The number one way to lose someone is to glom all over them, expecting their time every hour, dumb little texts back and forth until one person goes nuts with annoyance.
The most attractive thing about a person is their life apart from yours.
The pictures? Please - she has people besides you in her life, and they are for everyone. So share the enjoyment. If you start getting jealous and start assuming there is 'some guy' they are for, then you need to curb that feeling. Most of us get some amount of worry and jealousy, but it's self defeating, so we force it down. Besides, I see not one shred of evidence to suggest that the pics aren't for family and friends - and you.
IF YOU DON'T RUIN IT!

[smoothy]

I agree with Joypulv. Stop being so needy. You've only dated for a month... this is HER vacation... let her enjoy it.

[amorius2005]

Considering you just started dating, and she is on a far away exciting vacation with her cousins, you should GO ABOUT YOUR USUAL LIFE, and not make one single assumption! Good grief.
I mean, if you feel like calling it quits, be my guest, but wouldn't that be foolish?
She said she misses you. If that can't hold you til she gets back, then you have real problems.
The number one way to lose someone is to glom all over them, expecting their time every hour, dumb little texts back and forth until one person goes nuts with annoyance.
The most attractive thing about a person is their life apart from yours.
The pictures? Please - she has people besides you in her life, and they are for everyone. So share the enjoyment. If you start getting jealous and start assuming there is 'some guy' they are for, then you need to curb that feeling. Most of us get some amount of worry and jealousy, but it's self defeating, so we force it down. Besides, I see not one shred of evidence to suggest that the pics aren't for family and friends - and you.
IF YOU DON'T RUIN IT!

Thanks, you are right so would you advise I just don't worry about it, and just do my own thing and let her be the one to make contact? I guess I am slightly paranoid because I had a similar situation where a women ditched me when she went on vacation. I didn't care because that one was a fling, but I see a little more potential in this one. I guess it just threw me off how she could nag me 2-3 times a day, and go from that to days on end without saying anything.

[talaniman]

I wouldn't worry about it. Just send her little thoughtful things so she knows you miss her and don't expect an instant reply.

Why would you want her to know how needy and insecure you can become and immature when you don't get your way? Not a way to endear someone you have been dating a month.

[amorius2005]

I wouldn't worry about it. Just send her little thoughtful things so she knows you miss her and don't expect an instant reply.

Why would you want her to know how needy and insecure you can become and immature when you don't get your way? Not a way to endear someone you have been dating a month.

Wow talaniman, you are still around? You are legend, I remember you from years ago, and you helped me then under a name I no longer remember. I agree with you. These are internal thoughts though, I would never actually complain to her about it because I know baggage and whining pushes women away... I usually handle frustration by distancing myself, and I didn't know if that was reasonable.

[Alty]

She's on vacation. Keep in mind that it may not always be easy to contact you from China. It may be difficult.

Bottom line, she's taking pictures and posting them because that's quick and easy, and she wants to share her experience in China. But sitting down to actually have a text conversation with someone, requires time, requires thought, and well, she's in China, and she has other things to do. She can talk to you when she gets back, no need to spend hours on her trip talking to you when she could be seeing the great wall, or something else. Get where I'm going with this?

I'd send her a text every few days, just something like "loved the pictures you posted. China looks amazing. You're so lucky to have this opportunity, make the most of it. Miss you and can't wait for you to get home."

Short, sweet, not nagging, just letting her know you're thinking of her, but you realize that she's on the trip of a lifetime and may not have time to chat with you right now.

[Fr_Chuck]

You have no idea how hard (plus illegal) it is to use FB in China and most of the other social medical you are used to.

If she is using her phone, and a text (the cost will be extreme)

She is on vacation and China is an amazing place. After just one month, you should not expect any updates or much talking till she gets back.
Leave her a message on FB and wait till she gets back.

I agree, totally too needly for such a short dating time.

[FiveOne_Girl]

Give her 1 week. Do not contact her. If she still doesn't contact you then call it quits because it either she's playing stupid games with you or she's not really into you.

[Alty]

Give her 1 week. Do not contact her. If she still doesn't contact you then call it quits because it either she's playing stupid games with you or she's not really into you.

She's in China! It's not cheap or easy to call or text from China. Also, she's on vacation. How does her enjoying her vacation have anything to do with playing stupid games or not being that into him?

[FiveOne_Girl]

She's in China! It's not cheap or easy to call or text from China. Also, she's on vacation. How does her enjoying her vacation have anything to do with playing stupid games or not being that into him?

However, she can make time to post pics all over instagram, and FB but, say nothing to me. ------- READ ABOVE PLEASE hehe ;)

[smoothy]

Doesn't change anything. THey have only gone out for "about a month". He barely knows her last name... and precious little more at this point. Its barely dating, its not a relationship yet... and they certainly aren't a couple that has any obligations to each other yet.

If they were married? Yes... if the were engaged... maybe... but dating almost a month... certainly not.

[FiveOne_Girl]

Doesn't change anything. THey have only gone out for "about a month". He barely knows her last name... and precious little more at this point. Its barely dating, its not a relationship yet... and they certainly aren't a couple that has any obligations to each other yet.If they were married? Yes... if the were engaged... maybe... but dating almost a month... certainly not.

Well even if they are not yet a couple IMO the girl's behaviour is screaming I'm playing games with you or I'm just not that interested on you. I'm just advising the question asker not to waste time with this kind of girl. :)

[J_9]

Well even if they are not yet a couple IMO the girl's behaviour is screaming I'm playing games with you or I'm just not that interested on you. I'm just advising the question asker not to waste time with this kind of girl. :)

Come on! The girl's behavior is screaming she is having fun on vacation.

[smoothy]

Well even if they are not yet a couple IMO the girl's behaviour is screaming I'm playing games with you or I'm just not that interested on you. I'm just advising the question asker not to waste time with this kind of girl. :)

I have to ask just how old you are. I'm guessing really young.

There isn't a relationship to speak of yet, it's HER vacation... she is doing what most people do on their vacation, enjoy themselves. There isn't any game playing going on. There has to be something going on NOW for there to be games to be played... and there isn't yet.

[talaniman]

No need to argue and attack each other's opinions folks, I think the OP gets the drift.

I agree with you. These are internal thoughts though, I would never actually complain to her about it because I know baggage and whining pushes women away... I usually handle frustration by distancing myself, and I didn't know if that was reasonable.

And

Thanks, you are right so would you advise I just don't worry about it, and just do my own thing and let her be the one to make contact? I guess I am slightly paranoid because I had a similar situation where a women ditched me when she went on vacation. I didn't care because that one was a fling, but I see a little more potential in this one. I guess it just threw me off how she could nag me 2-3 times a day, and go from that to days on end without saying anything.

[FiveOne_Girl]

I have to ask just how old you are. I'm guessing really young.

There isn't a relationship to speak of yet, it's HER vacation... she is doing what most people do on their vacation, enjoy themselves. There isn't any game playing going on. There has to be something going on NOW for there to be games to be played... and there isn't yet.

I'm 30 years old. It's actually on my profile. Playing games IMO usually happens more on the dating/courtship stage and not really on the gf/bf level.

[smoothy]

Less than a month is barely even dating yet. If I was on vacation overseas (not a cheap thing more than a few people will ever do more than once)... and I found out they were spazzing out because I had the audacity to try to enjoy myself on vacation. I'd have sent them packing in a heartbeat. Heck... if they did it when I went to my parents over a weekend I'd have done the same.

Its not playing games on her part, to expect her to do other than what she is doing on her own vacation at this point is being exceptionally self centered. Her memories of this trip will most likely far outlast any relationship that may or may not happen in this case.

After my first trip to Europe... I was through about a dozen different relationships before I finally met my wife. I'm glad I didn't spend any of it worrying or even thinking much about who I was dating at the time. It would have distracted from my vacation. And the memories I have of it. Because if you have never been on such a trip... you would not know how almost overwhelming it is to take everything in knowing you may never see or experience them again. Not even thinking about how much it cost, and knowing you REALLY want to make the most of it for that reason too. When I went I saved up two years of vacation time and saved for 2 years to pay for it. Nothing and nobody would distract me during it.

And at that time I had no idea a different job would have me moving there to live and work for 6 years just 4 years later and develop friendships with people I have been friends with for 28 years, that I would have property there and spend almost a month a year there. I've even been eligible for citizenship there, I know it almost as well as the own I live in here too. And my friends will still wait until I get time or I get back before they hear from me. The few times my wife went before I could she didn't even expect to hear from me more than once a week. And a spouse is the one person who does have the right to expect more.

The other aspects have already been discussed so I won't go into them again. But being needy, clingy or demanding are sure fire ways to kill a relationship.

[amorius2005]

Less than a month is barely even dating yet. If I was on vacation overseas (not a cheap thing more than a few people will ever do more than once)... and I found out they were spazzing out because I had the audacity to try to enjoy myself on vacation. I'd have sent them packing in a heartbeat. Heck... if they did it when I went to my parents over a weekend I'd have done the same.

Its not playing games on her part, to expect her to do other than what she is doing on her own vacation at this point is being exceptionally self centered. Her memories of this trip will most likely far outlast any relationship that may or may not happen in this case.

After my first trip to Europe... I was through about a dozen different relationships before I finally met my wife. I'm glad I didn't spend any of it worrying or even thinking much about who I was dating at the time. It would have distracted from my vacation. And the memories I have of it. Because if you have never been on such a trip... you would not know how almost overwhelming it is to take everything in knowing you may never see or experience them again. Not even thinking about how much it cost, and knowing you REALLY want to make the most of it for that reason too. When I went I saved up two years of vacation time and saved for 2 years to pay for it. Nothing and nobody would distract me during it.

And at that time I had no idea a different job would have me moving there to live and work for 6 years just 4 years later and develop friendships with people I have been friends with for 28 years, that I would have property there and spend almost a month a year there. I've even been eligible for citizenship there, I know it almost as well as the own I live in here too. And my friends will still wait until I get time or I get back before they hear from me. The few times my wife went before I could she didn't even expect to hear from me more than once a week. And a spouse is the one person who does have the right to expect more.

The other aspects have already been discussed so I won't go into them again. But being needy, clingy or demanding are sure fire ways to kill a relationship.

Thanks for the in depth reply. I know clinginess is a killer. So I always been pretty good at hiding it, but I was more or less wondering from a mentality perspective was I being reasonable or not, but apparently I wasn't lol.

[talaniman]

It's normal to have such feelings and a good thing you did not express them impulsively.