[joypulv]

The men weren't 'way meaner.' I said I was no meaner.
I do NOT want a diagnosis. I did a ton of reading about borderline about 45 years ago, back when I was interested. Other than being perpetually depressed or just disaffected, I could fit the definition. But the only really USEFUL thing I took away from it was that I was good at talking circles around both myself and any therapist.
I only care about usefulness. Too often diagnoses are used as crutches. Trite but true.
That's where my sarcasm came in - being wistful about not having a nice neat crutch oops I mean diagnosis.
If you find it helpful (and I don't discount that!), then that's wonderful.

[smoothy]

Well... You are the one with some personal issue, and can't seem to let go of anything that ever happened in the past, I'm a bigger person than that. I work with people all day, every day... people all around the world. I am VERY good at it. If you would get over whatever problem you have listening to others... you would only be helping yourself by learning from them.

Nobody is twisting around anything you say. If your perspective and viewpoint is wrong to others... then its wrong and you need to consider that.

If I was a mean person... I'd let you wallow in your problems. Rather than take time out of my busy day pointing out things you need to hear if you expect to be able to function better with the rest of the world.

[Jake2008]

I am a little late responding to this, and my first thought is, you have pretty much a messed up life, and the 'stalking' boyfriend, who you dated for only 7 months, 16 years ago, is not the problem.

It often happens that people post a sort of cover story, something concrete indicating the problem, and then the original question/problem, turns into very long narratives, that come with a hint of distain at not being understood. Yet, the information provided in the original post, eventually becomes dust, and the real issues, are far more serious. But, like your 'question', it is much more an issue of how you cope with all the problems in your life, and quite often includes others for your own disappointment- your parents, friends not understanding you, difficulty in relationships, etc. etc. etc. The brief relationship has nothing to do with any of it, other than you can't get over him, even now. Somehow you allow him to keep filtering through your thoughts, and becoming larger than life.

It's like a bait and switch. First the question, then it gets all switched around to your multitude of problems, ranging from your parents, to your autism, to your lack of relationship success, to time is running out for you to have a baby.

You put a lot of meaning into events that should, by now, have no consequence. As to the relationship of so long ago, it seems that you ruminate about it, and that is the starting point for everything else that is wrong in your life.

If he were a threat to you in any way, after 16 years, and you haven't got over figuring him out, and you are still fearful (?), you need far more advice than can be offered here. I don't know how many years of therapy you need before you can stand on your own two feet, and live a productive, happy life, but I wish you some success, that doesn't seem apparent right now.

Getting back to the original question, you put far too much in your analysis of him, even when he's mostly been no more than a blip in your radar, and ghost-like in your thinking. To carry on thoughts of him, in which everything else seems to bring out more and more troubles, really is, as I've said, more than can be dealt with here.

I think that, from what YOU have said, he is only one of many problems you have, that you seem unable to deal with, settle with, or get over. It would be a shame to think another 16 years could go by, and you'd be in the same place as you are now.

I wish you success in your therapy.

[talaniman]

Geez guys, the lady has trouble with the concepts of social norms. Not her fault. Half the humans on the earth have the same problem... heck most of us have undiagnosed issues we struggle with.

If it were so easy to get over ourselves we would have done it. My whole point is sometimes you cannot force others to see your point which while OBVIOUS to you, may not be as obvious to others. We... all of us, can only cope with the nuance of our lives through the lense of our perceptions.

Some see the world differently, and the first law of self preservation is applied differently. You have to be VERY PATIENT when a human struggles to cope with whatever circumstance they face. Without patience you lose the ability to understand or have empathy for the struggle of others.

In this case, ignoring someone who has disrupted your security is not rude but the logical thing to do. Coping emotionally with the most recent instances takes longer, and fortunately MissP, you have a support group for that. Maybe your group can help you through the logic of others, that is not an attack, but their own logic, which doesn't apply to you. You have already acknowledged your awareness of the effect of YOUR logic on others, as well as your own sensitivity.

Can you acknowledge the logic of others now, and not be INSENSITIVE to it?

[misspurple77]

Dear Talaniman, I am really confused now. What do you mean by me not acknowledging the logic of others? What logic didn't I acknowledge? People have stated that I was wrong for avoiding my ex and I verified it just in case today in my therapy group, how much more can I acknowledge other people's logic?

I really don't want to be insensitive towards others, but some things I really don't get. So if I have been insensitive on this thread, please tell me where and how, because I am really not aware of that. I am not denying that it could have happened, there are things that neurotypicals can sense that I really can't. Before I am getting accused of using it as a crutch again, well too bad, this is reality for me. Sometimes I hurt people unknowingly and unwillingly and I don't understand why and how, until someone explains it to me. Being insensitive is also part of autism. I really wished that I could cure that part of my character, but unfortunately I can't. These reproaches, that I have been receiving all my life and really can't understand, are the main reason why I say that I rather be neurotypical and that although being autistic as some advantages they do not outweigh the disadvantages.

[misspurple77]

I am a little late responding to this, and my first thought is, you have pretty much a messed up life, and the 'stalking' boyfriend, who you dated for only 7 months, 16 years ago, is not the problem.

It often happens that people post a sort of cover story, something concrete indicating the problem, and then the original question/problem, turns into very long narratives, that come with a hint of distain at not being understood. Yet, the information provided in the original post, eventually becomes dust, and the real issues, are far more serious. But, like your 'question', it is much more an issue of how you cope with all the problems in your life, and quite often includes others for your own disappointment- your parents, friends not understanding you, difficulty in relationships, etc. etc. etc. The brief relationship has nothing to do with any of it, other than you can't get over him, even now. Somehow you allow him to keep filtering through your thoughts, and becoming larger than life.

It's like a bait and switch. First the question, then it gets all switched around to your multitude of problems, ranging from your parents, to your autism, to your lack of relationship success, to time is running out for you to have a baby.

You put a lot of meaning into events that should, by now, have no consequence. As to the relationship of so long ago, it seems that you ruminate about it, and that is the starting point for everything else that is wrong in your life.

If he were a threat to you in any way, after 16 years, and you haven't got over figuring him out, and you are still fearful (?), you need far more advice than can be offered here. I don't know how many years of therapy you need before you can stand on your own two feet, and live a productive, happy life, but I wish you some success, that doesn't seem apparent right now.

Getting back to the original question, you put far too much in your analysis of him, even when he's mostly been no more than a blip in your radar, and ghost-like in your thinking. To carry on thoughts of him, in which everything else seems to bring out more and more troubles, really is, as I've said, more than can be dealt with here.

I think that, from what YOU have said, he is only one of many problems you have, that you seem unable to deal with, settle with, or get over. It would be a shame to think another 16 years could go by, and you'd be in the same place as you are now.

I wish you success in your therapy.

I totally agree with you that I have bigger problems than my exboyfriend. That is what I am in therapy for, I thought that this little problem was something for which I could get an easy answer from strangers on the internet.

I never said that my friends misunderstand me. Fortunately they understand me. I only tried to explain to Joypulv that my friends have families of their own and therefore less free time to go on vacation with me or spend the Holidays with me and that that makes me feel lonely at those occasions. Yes, I can join a group travel with a bunch of strangers, I looked into that, but there are no grouptravels in which you can just lay around at the beach and just visit one village or city a day if you want to. All of them are packed real fully and I find that exhausting. I just want to relax on my vacation. I went by myself to Aruba and Curacao and lying alone at the beach, when all other people on the beach have company just ain't fun for me!

I only told the story about how hard autism is, because joypulv acted so demeaning and said that she envied me, so I wanted to make clear to her that autism is nothing to be envied. But I don't see any connection with my ex boyfriend for that whole story. I was born this way, I don't blame that on my exboyfriend from 16 years ago. I had a relationship of six years after him, so I really don't blame him for me not finding a suitable mate or whatever, all of that was just to explain to joypulv what life is like with autism.

I hadn't think about my ex before in 2015, until I received the LinkedIn request. I ignored it and blocked him. All I really wanted was some assurance that that was enough and that I shouldn't worry about being in danger.

But then I got misunderstood, so I tried to explain some more. I didn't wanted to come across as if I blame others for things that go wrong, so I disclosed that I am autistic and that that can lead to misunderstandings.

You totally misunderstand me. This is the first time since 2001 that I discussed this exboyfriend with a therapist, because I really thought that he was of no relevance. I always and still only see my relationship with him as a symptom of my deeper issues, he is a symptom not a cause. Today in the group I also said that I suffer from submission and that that is the reason why I stayed so long with him. I really hate it that I always get so misunderstood.

Years and years of therapy, in which I am trying to learn how to communicate with others, so that they don't misunderstand me, but it still happens. That is really disheartening.

[misspurple77]

The men weren't 'way meaner.' I said I was no meaner.
I do NOT want a diagnosis. I did a ton of reading about borderline about 45 years ago, back when I was interested. Other than being perpetually depressed or just disaffected, I could fit the definition. But the only really USEFUL thing I took away from it was that I was good at talking circles around both myself and any therapist.
I only care about usefulness. Too often diagnoses are used as crutches. Trite but true.
That's where my sarcasm came in - being wistful about not having a nice neat crutch oops I mean diagnosis.
If you find it helpful (and I don't discount that!), then that's wonderful.

OK, I misunderstood what you said, I apologise for that. If you do not want a diagnosis, that is your prerogative, but the way that you reacted yesterday came across as very demeaning towards me. I have some problems. I could chose to denie them and blame everything on everybody else but me, but I chose to find out what exactly is the matter with me and I searched professional help, to learn how to deal with all the people on this world that just keep on misunderstanding me. Often when people try to insult you, they say that you need professional help, but that insult doesn't work on me: yes I do need it, I acknowledge that and have it. I read books that can help me, I talk to my friends, that do understand me, I never said that they didn't, all that I said is that they don't have time to go on vacation or spend the Holidays with me, because they have their own families.

Now you say that you don't discount that knowing that I am autistic can be helpful, but from the way you reacted yesterday, it seemed as if to you, psychology is just nonsense and that autism doesn't even exist. There really are people that don't believe that autism is a real thing and that call it just the latest fad or something and you came accros as one of those.

[talaniman]

Thank you that was very honest and I can understand the confusion you feel. My point was NEVER take the perceptions of others personally. It's NEVER about you, even though it may affect you adversely. Does that make logical sense?

In the case of your EX, he can only act as he does, like your own parents, they are stuck being themselves, like your own sister who can only act as she can. Like you can only act as you do. Is that logical? I don't know what it says about me, but while I can see your acknowledging the gaps in your understanding and perception, others outside your group CANNOT always see that, especially here on an international public site. It's like WG says, even locally in the US, the differences between "normal" and different is vastly misunderstood (A fact you have acknowledged).

Is it accurate to say that you have "normal" friends outside your support group? What make them your friend? What makes ME your friend?

[talaniman]

Never mind, I know the answer... they UNDERSTAND you. LOL, we all chose our friends that way no matter what our issues may be. That's human nature, and in this you are the same as any human.

These reproaches, that I have been receiving all my life and really can't understand, are the main reason why I say that I rather be neurotypical and that although being autistic as some advantages they do not outweigh the disadvantages.

You are human, and your logic can be flawed, as the logic any human has can be flawed. Autism is no better or worse than any other human condition. All humans have something they would like to change about themselves, things they don't understand, things that others don't understand about them.

No logical reason to envy the neurotypical, that's like wishing you were someone else. Like me wishing I was RICH instead of just HANDSOME. We all want everyone to love understand and support us... but it is illogical to expect it from EVERYONE.

Can you not be grateful for who you are, and what you have and what you have accomplished? If so you can accept and deal with the illogic and frustrating actions, and words of others, and cope with this crazy world. You are unique, and confusion is human. I think you are a good human, albeit rather wordy, but hey that's cool too!

[misspurple77]

Thank you that was very honest and I can understand the confusion you feel. My point was NEVER take the perceptions of others personally. It's NEVER about you, even though it may affect you adversely. Does that make logical sense?

In the case of your EX, he can only act as he does, like your own parents, they are stuck being themselves, like your own sister who can only act as she can. Like you can only act as you do. Is that logical? I don't know what it says about me, but while I can see your acknowledging the gaps in your understanding and perception, others outside your group CANNOT always see that, especially here on an international public site. It's like WG says, even locally in the US, the differences between "normal" and different is vastly misunderstood (A fact you have acknowledged).

Is it accurate to say that you have "normal" friends outside your support group? What make them your friend? What makes ME your friend?

I totally understand this. I first thought that you meant in this thread. I have known for a long time now, that the way people treat you, says more about them than about me. Unfortunately, there are some people that blame others for the way that they are behaving and always point fingers at others. For my parents I was always the scapegoat for example. That was unfair of them and I resent them for that. When I lived at home food disappeared from the fridge for example. It was never me, but I was always blamed for everything. I heard from my baby sister that after I moved out, food still disappeared from the fridge (I suspect that it was my father) but my parents never took the effort to vindicate me, and this is just one small example, there are lots and some far worse. Those were blatant lies and blatant lies aren't logical.

Yes, I fortunately do have some normal friends that understand me. My best friend, who now lives in Suriname, but we Whatsapp and talk on WhatsApp or Skype daily and I also send her the message that my ex send me for example. My former college roommate, who has the cutest 21 month year old daughter, that I really adore and love to babysit for, 2 friends I met through salsa dancing and some other friends, that I see less often. They are my friends because we understand each other and we appreciate eachothers company. Unfortunately one of my friends even has a 13 year old autistic son, also PDD NOS, that just a few months ago, tried to commit suicide. So we understand each other all too well!

I also joined a club online, where you can place appeals (?) for people to do something together. Now that lots of my friends have a family, I use that club to go to the movies with for example. I am not a mother, so I don't like being forced to stay indoors at my friends houses after 7 pm, because the children have to sleep at that time and their husbands or boyfriends aren't at home to stay with the children. But I don't feel a connection with those people and some of those people are really weird. If I want I can spend the second day of Christmas (in The Netherlands Christmas is two days and so is Easter and Pentecost/Whitsun) with those people, but I think that I prefer to stay at home then. For now only two guys are going, one of them I don't even know.

For now, I see you as a nice, friendly person, I don't consider you my friend yet. I do consider Wondergirl my friend, but that is because I know her real name, already had a lot of private chats with her and we are also Facebook friends, I have no idea how old you are where you live etc. I do know those things about her. But I hope that I can consider you a friend someday! (I really hope that I haven't offended you by saying that I don't consider you a friend yet, lying just felt wrong.)

Never mind, I know the answer... they UNDERSTAND you. LOL, we all chose our friends that way no matter what our issues may be. That's human nature, and in this you are the same as any human.



You are human, and your logic can be flawed, as the logic any human has can be flawed. Autism is no better or worse than any other human condition. All humans have something they would like to change about themselves, things they don't understand, things that others don't understand about them.

No logical reason to envy the neurotypical, that's like wishing you were someone else. Like me wishing I was RICH instead of just HANDSOME. We all want everyone to love understand and support us... but it is illogical to expect it from EVERYONE.

Can you not be grateful for who you are, and what you have and what you have accomplished? If so you can accept and deal with the illogic and frustrating actions, and words of others, and cope with this crazy world. You are unique, and confusion is human. I think you are a good human, albeit rather wordy, but hey that's cool too!

I know that wishing that I am not autistic would make me someone else, but I suspect that that other person would be happier. She might even have a family, she wouldn't struggle this much. Autism really is a disabilty, even so much that I am on disabilty income because of it right now. I just want to be someone who is fully functioning with a job, a homeowner and a car, just like my neurotypical baby sister for example. I really don't have much to be proud of.

[Wondergirl]

Our marriage has worked out for over 48 years because a quirky guy with undiagnosed autism married a woman who's 100% German heritage (my family of origin tends to be pragmatic, ultra-logical, not huggy-kissy, very focused, black-or-white thinking, very literal, insists on having a "stiff upper lip," says to fix the problem and stop complaining about it). Now, MP77, certainly there are NTs like me in your world, aren't there? :) Maybe you and I should hang out together on WrongPlanet.net!

MP, you have been a wonderul help to me in getting my son diagnosed. You patiently explained how it worked out for you and how a diagnosis has helped you. Every morning I whisper thanks to you that you inspired courage in me.

[joypulv]

I DO believe:
that there are psychologists who are full of nonsense and there are those who aren't.
that there are some 'patients' who fall too easily into a diagnosis for all the wrong reasons.
that diagnoses are designed for pretty much one reason: to put a code number on insurance forms.
that good, smart doctors realize this, and downplay them, in favor of working on ways to handle life instead.

(Wondergirl, isn't your husband a successful scientist? Career, wife, children, a quirky guy who handles life, whereas misspurple struggles? That to me is the ONLY subject worth discussing. A diagnosis might be a framework for working on ourselves, but that's about it.)

[Wondergirl]

Joypulv, my husband is a retired telecom installer, the perfect job for him -- few people to deal with and no social life at work, lots of mechanical and electronic things to work on and repair, a place to use his logical thinking skills. I've been the one who raised the kids, kept the household accounts paid, acted as social secretary while keeping in mind Husband's aversions and preferences.

With a solid medical diagnosis of autism, our son will now have mentors and a place to live once my husband and I are in nursing homes or dead. He doesn't drive, is smart but doesn't have a lot of common sense, and would possibly become homeless without that diagnosis.

My point was a person with autism can succeed, especially with willing helpers and understanding people nearby.

[joypulv]

IF that person really is autistic.

The US and perhaps the world are awash in the diagnosis. I have never encountered such a talkative one. Nor one so willing to hand out diagnoses to others. Nor one whose older posts don't fit any autism characteristics either.

I have a psychologist friend whose specialty is evaluating students for special needs and testifying in court, if need be. She knows how much it goes on.

[misspurple77]

Our marriage has worked out for over 48 years because a quirky guy with undiagnosed autism married a woman who's 100% German heritage (my family of origin tends to be pragmatic, ultra-logical, not huggy-kissy, very focused, black-or-white thinking, very literal, insists on having a "stiff upper lip," says to fix the problem and stop complaining about it). Now, MP77, certainly there are NTs like me in your world, aren't there? :) Maybe you and I should hang out together on WrongPlanet.net!

MP, you have been a wonderul help to me in getting my son diagnosed. You patiently explained how it worked out for you and how a diagnosis has helped you. Every morning I whisper thanks to you that you inspired courage in me.

Hi Wondergirl, I have friends that are comparable to you, but they are all busy, busy, busy with their families and or careers. In my family I unfortunately don't know people like you. I was completely shocked when I found out that my uncle and aunt from my fathers side disowned a cousin of mine for being lesbian! My uncle died of cancer, but refused to talk to his daughter! An uncle (from whom I suspect that he is autistic as well) and aunt from my mothers side (the Muslim side) threw my cousin out on the streets, when she got pregnant at seventeen! She was literally living in the streets for a while together with her boyfriend and miscarriaged. My uncle told us that my cousin had ran away from home. But I come from a family with backwards people like that. I don't speak to another brother of my mother, because he considers me a whore, because I had multiple boyfriends. My mother and baby sister reacted badly, so I really don't have much confidence in my family.

But thank you so much for that wonderful compliment:-D!

I DO believe:
that there are psychologists who are full of nonsense and there are those who aren't.
that there are some 'patients' who fall too easily into a diagnosis for all the wrong reasons.
that diagnoses are designed for pretty much one reason: to put a code number on insurance forms.
that good, smart doctors realize this, and downplay them, in favor of working on ways to handle life instead.

(Wondergirl, isn't your husband a successful scientist? Career, wife, children, a quirky guy who handles life, whereas misspurple struggles? That to me is the ONLY subject worth discussing. A diagnosis might be a framework for working on ourselves, but that's about it.)

The right diagnosis can give you the right tools to work on yourself. Without the right diagnosis I was still in the dark, I tried and tried, but couldn't fixed my problems without understanding why. Now that I have a diagnosis I unfortunately realised that some of my problems will never be solved, but at leastI know understand myself, my problems and I do know what I can remedy.

[misspurple77]

IF that person really is autistic.

The US and perhaps the world are awash in the diagnosis. I have never encountered such a talkative one. Nor one so willing to hand out diagnoses to others. Nor one whose older posts don't fit any autism characteristics either.

I have a psychologist friend whose specialty is evaluating students for special needs and testifying in court, if need be. She knows how much it goes on.

So you doubt my diagnosis. Okay, well that is your problem. I tried to explain things to you, because you didn't understand them, but I was right all along, you just don't understand that autism can appear in a lot of different ways. Yes I am not a stereotype autist, but have you ever watched The Big Bang Theory? Sheldon also annoys everybody arounds him because he is so talkative. I told my therapists that he reminds me of myself and that my sister was ashamed to admit to me that he also reminded her of me. That finally made them realise that it was worth testing me. If I was a stereotypical autist, I would have gotten my diagnosis a lot earlier on.

Are you calling me liar? Do you think that I suffer from Munchausen syndrom or something? Or do you doubt the skills of my former and my current mental health provider! They went to medical school and they studied psychology, why you didn't. Whatever it is, your kind of ignorance is what makes the world extra difficult for people like me! The slogan from the Dutch Association for Autism is, you can't cure autism, but you can cure ignorance. But really, since I have my diagnosis and I see how people react to it, I seriously doubt that!

Anyways, I am back to thinking that you are narcisstic, narcisstic people also have difficult personalities that can lead to them losing their jobs and in addition to that they are huge know it alls. Without having any expertise, you think that you know more about autism than Wondergirl professionals or me and you also seem to think that you know everything better than your own therapists, regarding you, so you also suffer from wilfullnes, just like a real narcissist, but what is really the most narcistic part about you, is your arrogance.

I really tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you really have an attitude problem. You are in our late sixties, got fired 37 times, but instead of trying to improve your life, all you can do, is put someone down who is trying to improve her life. Putting others down, in order to feel better about yourself is another narcistic trade!

[smoothy]

Since I see this word Narcissist thrown around incorrectly and freely... here is what it really means so everyone gets it right.


What is Narcissism?
A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.
Most narcissists (75%) are men.
NPD is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B").
Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD.
NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviors ("dual diagnosis").
NPD is new (1980) mental health category in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM).
There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural, economic, genetic, or professional predilection to NPD.
It is estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer from NPD.
Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud. Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg, Million, Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare.
The onset of narcissism is in infancy, childhood and early adolescence. It is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even peers.
There is a whole range of narcissistic reactions - from the mild, reactive and transient to the permanent personality disorder.
Narcissists are either "Cerebral" (derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or "Somatic" (derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and "conquests").
Narcissists are either "Classic" - see definition below - or they are "Compensatory", or "Inverted" - see definitions here: "[COLOR=#0088cc]The Inverted Narcissist[/COLOR]".
NPD is treated in talk therapy (psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioral). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is poor, though his adaptation to life and to others can improve with treatment. Medication is applied to side-effects and behaviors (such as mood or affect disorders and obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success.
Please read CAREFULLY!
The text in italics is NOT based on the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual, Fourth Edition-Text Revision (2000).
The text in italics IS based on [COLOR=#0088cc]"Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", fourth, revised, printing (2003)[/COLOR]
An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:

• Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
• Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion
• Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)
• Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply)
• Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations
• Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends
• Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others
• Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her
• Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted

Some of the language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from:
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition, Text Revision (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.
The text in italics is based on:
Sam Vaknin. (2003). [COLOR=#0088cc]Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, fourth, revised, printing[/COLOR]. Prague and Skopje: Narcissus Publication.
For the exact language of the DSM IV criteria - please refer to the manual itself !!!


Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Definition - HealthyPlace

[joypulv]

Wow, do you EXTRAPOLATE!! No, I didn't call you a liar. At most, I'm thinking your doctor got exasperated and gave up and said here, by my guest.
The Sheldon character is a self-centered genius. I have to laugh - if that's you, then you aren't a narcissist (minus the genius)? You seem determined to make me into one.
I could care less about my future because of my age. I'm retired. I own my own home. This isn't about me. I'm not the one here asking for help.

[misspurple77]

Wow, do you EXTRAPOLATE!! No, I didn't call you a liar. At most, I'm thinking your doctor got exasperated and gave up and said here, by my guest.
The Sheldon character is a self-centered genius. I have to laugh - if that's you, then you aren't a narcissist (minus the genius)? You seem determined to make me into one.
I could care less about my future because of my age. I'm retired. I own my own home. This isn't about me. I'm not the one here asking for help.

I never said that you called me a liar. That was just one of the many options that I mentioned. Sheldon isn't a narcissist, he really is that much smarter than other people are and he also really lacks social skills, selfreflection etc. He doesn't realise that how he treats everyone else is unacceptable and I am fortunately not as clueless about that as he is. Unfortunately I am not a genius either, otherwise I might have had a job as a scientist as well, in which people skills aren't that important.

What help am I asking for? All that I wanted to know was if ignoring and blocking my ex was enough. I wasn't understood right, so I tried to ellaborate in order to clear up some things, which led to follow up comments and questions to which I also tried to reply and unfortunately people lost track about what my question is really about.
I don't need help with any of the other issues, that is what I am in therapy for and also in a autism support group. There are also things that I do and say that my fellow autists in the group recognize as being autistic, from which I never even realised that those traits are autistic. There is so much recognition in the group, that it is clear to me and to the other autistic people in the group that we really are autistic. Yes, I am verbally very strong, unfortunately I am very bad at math, my capacaties are the exact opposite of the most wellknown autistic people, but I read Aspergirls by Rudy Simone and there are other woman like me.

I really don't mind educating people about my autism, and no I am not being arrogant, my therapists and the Dutch Association for Autism clearly mentioned that everyone who is autistic is automatically an ambassador for the autistic community. The Dutch Association for Autism actually already said to me that I can explain autism so well, that I would be suited to inform people about autism. Google someone like Birsen Basar, she is a very talkative young autistic woman, a professional autism speaker in Turkey and The Netherlands of Turkish descend. Or do you think that she got her diagnosis as well, because her psychiatrist wanted to get rid of her! She also wrote books about autism. Rudy Simone also wrote multiple books, so why do you question my autism based on my writing skills? There are lots of autistic authors BOOKS BY PEOPLE WITH AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS. They suspect that Jane Austen was autistic, the famous in The Netherlands writer Judith Visser has Asperger's syndrome.

Psychiatrists don't give labels like autism to patients just to get rid of them. In this case, giving me that label, only means that they will have to see more of me. I am on disability income now, the Dutch government agency in charge of that, wanted a letter from my mental health care provider, including my diagnosis, if I wasn't really autistic that would be fraud, for which a psychiatrist can lose their license and end up in jail! So do you really consider that a logical option! If it were that easy, lazy people would have themselves declared autistic, so that they can get benefits!

You're the one that out of the blue attacked me, by calling my autism a "nice neat little diagnosis" that you envied. You're the one that took offense by me calling most people that aren't autistic by the proper name for them.

I tried to give you some background information, because I gave you the benefit of the doubt, you said that you weren't having your day. But that was yesterday, and you are still lashing out. The way you are lashing out towards me, really says more about you than about me. You do have either a neurologcal disorder, like autism or something else or a personality disorder, which would make you neurotypical, but something is off with you, if you feel the need to lash out like that, got fired 37 times, suffer from depressions and got all kind of labels that you aren't willing to accept. It could also be borderline, borderline means that you are on the border of being neurotypical, it is the most severe psychological disorder that isn't neurological. Autism, bipolarity, epilepsy, ADHD, schizophrenia, dyslexia, learning disorders are all examples of neurological disorders, which makes people like us not neurotypical, we are called neurodiverse.

You were the one who was annoyed by me calling myself autistic and started to lecture about the broad sprectrum that autism is, as if I didn't know that. You wanted to know what I was exactly, while calling something an aspie trait, when I never used the word Aspie myself. Then after proclaiming that the autism spectrum is very broad, you did proclaim that it wasn't broad enough to include me. You acted all high and mighty as if you were some kind of expert on autism, but then you exposed yourself as a fraud, because you weren't even familiar with the word neurotypical. You tried to ridicule me with that. But I am the one that knows what I am talking about, you clearly aren't. Acting as if you know it all, is yet another narcistic trait. If you hadn't acted so ridiculous towards the word neurotypical, I would have taken you a lot more serious, but the moment you did that, you lost all credibility as a socalled expert.

[talaniman]

This really has been a nice debate even if it has gone far beyond the original question.