[misspurple77]

Thank you.

Unfortunately this is a part of me that will never change. Autistic people always think too much in the eyes of neurotypicals and I am always shocked, at all the things people do without thinking about it, it really annoys the crap out of me. I often ask: what were you thinking? And then I hear I wasn't. And I am like, how can you operate without thinking!?

My therapy is more about learning how to get along better with neurotypicals, to understand you better and to confuse you less. On the inside I won't change, I will still think as much, but I hope that I will reach a point where I know what I can share with people, without confusing them.

[Wondergirl]

Autistic people always think too much in the eyes of neurotypicals and I am always shocked, at all the things people do without thinking about it

I hear ya! I live with TWO autistic people. Imagine the fun we three have!

[joypulv]

Autism is now defined over a very broad spectrum, and Asperger's is now a subset of it. Saying you are autistic is not very meaningful.
As for the rest of us being neurotypicals, WHERE did you find that word and concept?
I sure as hell ain't no neurotypical. Sounds awful.
I had a lousy childhood too, probably at least as bad as yours, and the 51 years after leaving at 17 haven't been so hot either.
I suppose (groan) I should say that your nice neat little diagnosis that sets you apart from 'neurotypicals' is a very typical Aspy remark.

[Questionair]

Good luck with this narcissistic threat in your life. Your best bet is to just ignore him until he completely forgets about you. Pay it no mind and do not worry. If he continues to try to contact you, call the local authorities and get a restraining order.

[Wondergirl]

Autism is now defined over a very broad spectrum, and Asperger's is now a subset of it. Saying you are autistic is not very meaningful.
As for the rest of us being neurotypicals, WHERE did you find that word and concept?
I sure as hell ain't no neurotypical. Sounds awful.
I had a lousy childhood too, probably at least as bad as yours, and the 51 years after leaving at 17 haven't been so hot either.
I suppose (groan) I should say that your nice neat little diagnosis that sets you apart from 'neurotypicals' is a very typical Aspy remark.

Neurotypical is the medical/psychology establishment's word for "not autistic." The DSM-V clumped Asperger's under autism; the autism spectrum is huge. And MP77 was medically diagnosed (before DSM-V).

[joypulv]

Maybe I'm just envious that I don't have a nice neat little diagnosis.
I'm in a bad mood anyway so I'll refrain from any more comments.

[Wondergirl]

Maybe I'm just envious that I don't have a nice neat little diagnosis.
I'm in a bad mood anyway so I'll refrain from any more comments.

I knew that wasn't the real you. I finally got that same "nice neat little diagnosis" for my son after three long appointments. Now he has something to hang his hat on after I'm dead.

[misspurple77]

I really don't understand why you feel the need to lash out at me. I really wished that I didn't were autistic, my life would be so much easier if I was neurotypical! People would understand me better, I would understand others better, I wouldn't be so sensitive and I wouldn't get overstrained so easy. Autism really isn't something to be envious about.

Do you have children? I am almost 39 years old and single for more than nine years. I just don't seem to have what it takes to make a relationship work. I really love babies, todlers and children, but I really don't want to be a single mother. My friends always told me that if I want children that much, I should just do it on my own, but I always knew, that I can't raise a child on my own, being responsible for the finances and the emotional wellbeing of a child all by myself, would be overwhelming for me.

Now that I have my diagnosis my friends finally realise that I was right about that all along. Because of my autism I will probably never become a mother, time is running out for me. 11 years ago I already asked my then therapists if I might be autistic, but they said that that was impossible, and didn't even bother to take the test. I went on struggling for 10 more years, in that time I lost my boyfriend of six years and my job. When I came back, completely overstrained, jobless and single for eight years, they finally saw that I could be right about the autism and I got tested.

In hindsight I did lost multiple jobs due to my autism and my autism also complicated my relationships. People don't understand me and find me difficult and selfish. My mother even admitted, when they did the interview for the autism research, that she thought that I was selfish for the first 34 years of my life. It wasn't until my father got cancer and died after three years and she saw how much I did for my parents, that she realised that I really wasn't selfish. Unfortunately, I did too much for them, which led to me getting overstrained and losing my job because of that. On top of it all, my mother and baby sister just can't handle the fact that I am autistic. My therapists wanted to educate my mother and baby sister about what it means that I am autistic, what they can expect from me, what they can't and how they can best handle me. My baby sister wasn't even interested in meeting with my therapists. She is tired of dealing with me and my problems. When we were growing up, my parents were always disciplining me, taking me to psychologists etc. because I was so difficult and untreatable and they just forgot to take care of her. She knows that that is not my fault, but she clearly resents me for it, because she doesn't wants to deepen herself in autism, because that is all about me.

My therapists did explain things about my autism to my mother, like that I can be pushy without realising it, but the next session she complained again about that I was so difficult and pushy to my therapists. The therapists immediately ended the systemic therapy for my mother and me and in the next individual session, advised me to cut contact with my mother. I did cut contact with her, but my baby sister has always and is still rejecting me, so now I am all alone: No parents, no sister and no boyfriend. I do have friends, but they all have their own families, and my best friend lives at the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, so I have no one to go on vacation with or spend the holidays with.

If I had my diagnosis ten years earlier, I probably would have learned to deal with neurotypical people in a constructive way, so that I could have a healthy relationship, before my childbearing years were over, but now my biological alarmbells are all going off, when I didn't even kissed a guy in the last four years! My sexlife is so pathetic, that I had to throw away condoms, because they expired!

My life has been hard from the start and all the misunderstandings, all the people that rejected me, classmates and colleagues that picked on me for years, led to dysthymia. If you don't know what that is, it is is a mood disorder consisting of the same cognitive and physical problems as in depression, with less severe but longer-lasting symptoms.^[2][3] The concept was coined by Robert Spitzer as a replacement for the term "depressive personality" in the late 1970s.^[4] (From Wikipedia)

So really there is no reason to be envious or to be so demeaning about my diagnosis. Just because I have a diagnosis, doesn't take anything away from your struggle. And by the way that you are behaving right now, I must honestly say, that you should get yourself tested, maybe you will get a diagnosis as well! In over a year, you are the first person ever that reacts that mean to me honestly trying to explain what my struggles are. So maybe there is also a "nice neat little diagnosis" that you could get, I am thinking about narcism personally, but hey, I am not a psychologist and even a psychologist can't diagnose you over the internet based on a few reactions. But really, that you find it necesarry to act so demeaning about my diagnosis, doesn't come across as very mentally healthy to me! I never did anything to hurt you, so why are you acting so mean towards me!

I never called myself an Aspie or said that I have Asperger's, because I don't. If you must know, I am diagnosed with PDD NOS.

[misspurple77]

Neurotypical is the medical/psychology establishment's word for "not autistic." The DSM-V clumped Asperger's under autism; the autism spectrum is huge. And MP77 was medically diagnosed as an Aspie (before DSM-V).

I am diagnosed with PDD NOS. DSM V is formally not translated yet in Dutch, so here in The Netherlands, everybody still works with DSM 4. Although my therapists do know about what DSM V says of course and they are already anticipating for it.

[Wondergirl]

I am diagnosed with PDD NOS. DSM V is formally not translated yet in Dutch, so here in The Netherlands, everybody still works with DSM 4. Although my therapists do know about what DSM V says of course and they are already anticipating for it.

I apologize. I edited that post. The hyperlexia diagnosis (on the autism spectrum) fits my son like a glove, but because of the doctor's training, she diagnosed him as having Asperger's. DSM-V says that no longer is a diagnosis, so apparently the U.S. and the APA are quite confused.

[misspurple77]

Don't worry about that. I knew that that was an honest mistake:-). I just don't feel comfortable using a label that I didn't formally receive:-).

But my friends and even the parents of a friend that I discussed this with, and that already possesed some lay men knowledge about autism, also assumed that if I am autistic, it automatically means that I have Asperger's. Because I am clearly highly functioning, but people with classical autism, like Temple Grandin for example, or PDD NOS can also be highly functioning. Exactly because of all the overlay, between the different labels and because it is hard to differentiate between then, the DSM V only speaks about , instead of all the sublabels.

[Wondergirl]

Because I am clearly highly functioning, but people with classical autism, like Temple Grandin for example, or PDD NOS can also be highly functioning.

I've read that it's genetic (often through the male genes) for about 90% of people diagnosed with autism. My husband has never been diagnosed but knows he's an Aspie. Nearly everything fits. His father (now deceased) also manifested many characteristics as does his daughter (my husband's sister). Do you know of other family members like your dad or an uncle who may be/have been on the spectrum.

Be sure to value all of the pluses autism gives you. That's a big topic at my house.

[misspurple77]

I've read that it's genetic (often through the male genes) for about 90% of people diagnosed with autism. My husband has never been diagnosed but knows he's an Aspie. Nearly everything fits. His father (now deceased) also manifested many characteristics as does his daughter (my husband's sister). Do you know of other family members like your dad or an uncle who may be/have been on the spectrum.

Be sure to value all of the pluses autism gives you. That's a big topic at my house.

I read the part about it being 90 % genetic as well. I also suspect that both my parents are/were autistic, I suspect it of two uncles and of my grandmother.

Once I was complaining to my psychiatrist about my mother and she said that maybe my mother is a little autistic too. I replied with: A little! I think a lot! She lacks any empathy and I even told my mother that I suspect that she is autistic as well, but since she also lacks any self reflection, she didn't want to hear any of it. According to her all our problems are my fault, she finds it very convenient to use my autism as a scapegoat for everything that goes wrong and refuses to take a critical look at herself:-(.

I really don't see much upsides on being autitistic. They really don't outweigh the downsides. The people in my autism supportgroup told me that it will get better, now that I got diagnosed, I really hope so. Now I see my life as hopeless, that I am destined to die lonely and poor, but I am doing whatever I can to change that, through my therapy.

[Wondergirl]

I really don't see much upsides on being autitistic. They really don't outweigh the downsides. The people in my autism supportgroup told me that it will get better, now that I got diagnosed, I really hope so. Now I see my life as hopeless, that I am destined to die lonely and poor, but I am doing whatever I can to change that, through my therapy.

An Aspie on Quora wrote, "Aspies are literal minded and rule oriented. That is why there are so many in the computer and software related trades. Aspies tend to be overly logical (if that is possible) by not inferring context in an intuitive way."

My son asked me, "Is autism a bad thing?" I told him no, that his brain is wired a bit differently than mine. When he uses his eidetic memory to remind me when we bought our refrigerator and help me with crossword puzzles plus when his supervisor praises him for work well done and when our cats (who also are autistic -- all cats are) hang around him and sit on him and follow him from room to room, I remind him of the advantages of having an autistic brain and nature.

[misspurple77]

Good luck with this narcissistic threat in your life. Your best bet is to just ignore him until he completely forgets about you. Pay it no mind and do not worry. If he continues to try to contact you, call the local authorities and get a restraining order.

Thank you for your advice. I blocked him on LinkedIn now, but I will certainly contact the Police if he contacts me again. Better save than sorry!

[misspurple77]

An Aspie on Quora wrote, "Aspies are literal minded and rule oriented. That is why there are so many in the computer and software related trades. Aspies tend to be overly logical (if that is possible) by not inferring context in an intuitive way."

My son asked me, "Is autism a bad thing?" I told him no, that his brain is wired a bit differently than mine. When he uses his eidetic memory to remind me when we bought our refrigerator and help me with crossword puzzles plus when his supervisor praises him for work well done and when our cats (who also are autistic -- all cats are) hang around him and sit on him and follow him from room to room, I remind him of the advantages of having an autistic brain and nature.

Being autistic is a lot easier and nicer with you as a mother or spouse, than with the people that I am surrounded with! But unfortunately I can't change my family and at my age it is not that easy anymore to find a boyfriend as back when I was still in my twenties. Most good guys are taken by now.

I also believe that you can't be too logical. Unfortunately neurotypicals are very emotional, I don't understand that and they don't understand me. It sometimes works to my advantage, when exes tried to make me jealous and I was too rational for that, but usually it works against me. People perceive me as arrogant or icecold because I often don't get why they make such a big fuss about the littlest things or even worse, how they can be so mad at me for what they perceived that I said, instead of what I literally said. My words don't have hidden meanings. Even after my diagnosis my baby sister often got mad with me and accused me of saying things that I never said, just because she perceived them like that.

[misspurple77]

I just come from my therapy group where I shared this story. None of my five group members, nor the psychiatrist or psychologist that lead the group said anything bad about my avoiding behaviour towards my ex.

We dissected why this had this much impact on me. I didn't realise it myself, but because my parents always emotionally neglected me and now he does again, by not respecting my wishes to leave me alone, this has an emotional impact on me.

I acted as a responsible adult by ignoring and blocking him and if he leaves me alone now, I can probably be at ease:-).

[smoothy]

I just come from my therapy group where I shared this story. None of my five group members, nor the psychiatrist or psychologist that lead the group ssaid anything bad about my avoiding behaviour towards my ex.

We dissected why this had this much impact on me. I didn't realise it myself, but because my parents always emotionally neglected me and now he does again, by not respecting my wishes to leave me alone, this has an emotional impact on me.

I acted as a responsible adult by ignoring and blocking him and if he leaves me alone now, I can probably be at ease:-).

Sorry to tell you but you are still OVER reacting. You can't expect the rest of the world to bow to or follow your every wish. Expecting otherwise is only going to cause yourself more drama and aggravation. Because that's how the world works... and how the world is always going to continue to work. Doesn't matter what anyone's disability or sensitivity is... the fact remains the world doesn't conform to you... you conform to the world. Those who do not... or can not... find themselves having problems of their own creation.

Based on what you have said.. all he has done in the years since you broke up was be cordial. And civil. If he had done otherwise, it would be different. Ignoring someone you know when you bump into them is rude, Saying something kind to them as a greeting when you see them is not, even if it is very brief... you don't have to take them to dinner or engage in a conversation, but it is totally unreasonable to expect them to cross the street if they see you, or change their direction from where they were headed just because you happened to be there or to move someplace you are not. It is of course up to you if YOU wish to do that... but you would only be continuing and reinforcing a behavior that you would be best served by modifying and reducing. Because the rest of the world is not subservient to any one individuals demands.

I take the time to say that because the better you understand how the rest of the world thinks..and reacts...the better you will be able to fit in to it. Because fighting the rest of the world is a battle you can't win, and will only cause you stress trying.

This is why holding grudges hurts yourself more than the people you have the grudge against. It diverts energy you could best be using in positive pursuits.

[joypulv]

WHOA, I wasn't that mean. And no more so than any of the men here, who in shorter comments told you to dispense with the drama.
No, I never had children, a wise choice that hurts once in a while, especially now that I am in my late 60s.
I have had 37 jobs.
I have had much therapy and many diagnoses all revolving around depression (and if otherwise, I ignore them).
I am not narcissistic. I don't know how to emphasize enough how little regard I have for diagnoses. I was being facetious about being wistful.
I am often sarcastic and facetious. I don't consider myself very mean. You came here to total strangers, opening up about all sorts of details that you find fascinating, and most people don't.

[misspurple77]

WHOA, I wasn't that mean. And no more so than any of the men here, who in shorter comments told you to dispense with the drama.
No, I never had children, a wise choice that hurts once in a while, especially now that I am in my late 60s.
I have had 37 jobs.
I have had much therapy and many diagnoses all revolving around depression (and if otherwise, I ignore them).
I am not narcissistic. I don't know how to emphasize enough how little regard I have for diagnoses. I was being facetious about being wistful.
I am often sarcastic and facetious. I don't consider myself very mean. You came here to total strangers, opening up about all sorts of details that you find fascinating, and most people don't.

I don't find the details fascinating, I only thought that they might be relevant, that is a huge difference.

I don't know how long you are active on the internet, but you must have figured out by now, that it is hard to get sarcasm over the internet, because you don't hear the tone of voice of someone nor is it possible to see the facial expression. And as an autistic person, I am totally disadvantaged, we have difficulty with sarcasm to begin with. I think that in real life I mostly get sarcasm, but according to my baby sister, I also miss it in real life sometimes. Unfortunately I don't know what I don't know.

37 jobs, from what you are telling me, there is even a possibility that you are autistic too! If you are interested in finding that out, it is something that you could look into. Before my diagnosis I was misdiagnosed with personality disorder Not Otherwise Specified with narcistic and borderline traits. Autists are often misdiagnosed as narcissists because of our lack of empathy and with borderline because we tend to think in black in white. Also with schizoid personality disorder, because we avoid people but fortunately that never came up with me.

I admire that you made the wise choice to not have children, my parents should have made the same choice as well, now they messed up my baby sister and me. I always wanted to undo their damage before I continued the cycle myself. I am still making that same choice for myself. Like a lot of autistic people, I wish that I was never born at all, I really don't want to put children on this earth with the same wish. I only want to have children if I am able to give them a sense of belonging. Since you simply can't give your children what you don't have, I have to find that myself or at least find them a father that has that, to prevent them feeling like me when they grow up.

I totally get that it hurts once in a while, I feel the same pain.

About the men that are way meaner, I only have that opinion about one man in particular. It seems as if he is bound to always twist my words around to my disadvantage, if you read the entire thread back, you can see that I didn't even responded once to all the nonsense that he uttered. I experienced his mean streak before on another thread, where he called me naïve, delusional and all kinds of things and since then, I just ignore him. On other forums I would have blocked him, but since that isn't possible here, I just ignore him. I really don't understand why he even bothers to still respond to my posts actually, that is just a waste of his time.

But there is no reason for you to think that I am harsher to you than to him and that that is unfair. I feel like conversating with you is still worth my time, it is still constructive, while with him I only see him as a waste of my time:-).