[Alty]

The title says it all.

My daughter gets invited to a lot of birthday parties. We're not rich, we can't afford to buy elaborate gifts for our own kids, much less their friends. So how much to spend?

I normally get a gift card to their favorite store, so what I spent is very obvious. This last party I got a $25 gift card to the friends favorite store. Is that too much, not enough, insulting, okay? What's the standard? Is there one?

How do you decide what to spend? Is it all based on what you can afford, and if you buy a cheaper gift do the parents think you're just cheap, or realize that you can't afford to spend more?

I always factor in what the party is. If they spent money to book a place, serve food and drinks, give a party favor, then I feel like I have to give more, since they spent so much to throw the party. But really, are they throwing the party so their child gets gifts, or are they throwing it so that their child can spend their birthday with friends?

I'm so lost on this. What's an acceptable amount to spend? What's completely unacceptable? In what cases is it okay to spend more, or spend less?

What are your thoughts?

[teacherjenn4]

That sounds like a super generous amount. $20 is super nice. I used to get stuff for my kids' friends on sale, store them, and then let them pick a few things for party gifts. We'd get a nice card and gift bag. With girls, I can imagine a nice manicure set, some nail polishes and fun stickers would be a good gift. You're way more generous than I'd be unless it was a best friend.

[Wondergirl]

My sons' friends' moms and I were good enough friends and decided the parties were enough, that gifts weren't necessary. We'd have parties at Pizza Hut or Chuck E. Cheese or bowling or miniature golf or even in the birthday kid's backyard with games. These were mostly boys and during the late '70s and '80s. Most of the moms didn't work, so most of us were fine with no gift giving. If any gifts were given, they were inexpensive and something that had lasting interest -- comic books, Legos, a pack of balloons to blow up, kits of various kinds, puzzles -- depending on the kid's interest (we knew that or would ask the mom). Parties stopped during middle school years.

You're talking about girls? Tweens? How many in this birthday-party circle? Do you know the moms? Do the girls know each other well, or does the birthday girl invite as many as she can to increase how much she hauls in? And I'm guessing most of these gifts end up on the floor of the closet or stuffed in a drawer and are never seen again.

I'd try to change how this is done. These moms are going to end up with bridezillas on their hands, if they're not careful.

[Alty]

LOL! WG, it's a good friend. They're in school together, spend a lot of time together outside of school, swimming, hanging out, going to the mall to window shop, sleepovers, etc.

I know the mom, we like each other, but as of right now we don't call each other to go out for coffee, or do things together. But I could see that happening, she's a great mom, and just my type of person. In short, I like her, and we mesh.

Syd just turned 13 yesterday, and the friend in question is also turning 13. They're teens. I got the girl a gift certificate to the store that her and Syd love the most in the mall. That way she can pick what she wants, and hopefully it won't end up in a closet or drawer. :)

Jared no longer has parties, much to my dismay. But he'll be 17 on Sept 4, and he feels he's too old for parties. I think that will change though, as he gets older. We always do something special with him, just the family, and because I don't have to throw a party for him, we always spend a bit more on his gift.

Syd's party will cost us $135 this year, for her and 5 guests. They're going bowling for an hour, then we have a room for an hour, two pizzas and two jugs of soft drinks served. Just so they can spend time together. :)

The party Syd is at tonight, 4 kids, including the birthday girl. :)

[Wondergirl]

OMG! $135??? Glad I didn't have a daughter! I love it when I read about a birthday party with a theme like bringing a toy or book that will go to children in an area hospital (of course, after talking with the hospital first) or gifts of dog/cat food or toys for a local animal shelter. Homeless shelters love donations of toothpaste, toothbrushes, soap, combs, hand lotion, shaving cream, razors, etc. that can be put into bags or kits and handed out by the shelter. It wouldn't take much Googling to find similar ideas. Our kids have so much nowadays. I'm all for sharing the wealth and learning how to give, even on birthdays.

Would that tickle any of these girls' imaginations, do you think?

[Alty]

OMG! $135??? Glad I didn't have a daughter! I love it when I read about a birthday party with a theme like bringing a toy or book that will go to children in an area hospital (of course, after talking with the hospital first) or gifts of dog/cat food or toys for a local animal shelter. Homeless shelters love donations of toothpaste, toothbrushes, soap, combs, hand lotion, shaving cream, razors, etc. that can be put into bags or kits and handed out by the shelter. It wouldn't take much Googling to find similar ideas. Our kids have so much nowadays. I'm all for sharing the wealth and learning how to give, even on birthdays.

Would that tickle any of these girls' imaginations, do you think?

It's not cheap nowadays WG. $135 is cheap compared to other things. I wanted to do a shelter birthday party. The animal shelter near us does parties. The kids get to spend a few hours with the shelter pets, then have cake (which I provide), and a lecture on pet care, and it's way out of my price range. No way I could afford it.

Bowling was the cheapest, and Syd really doesn't care as long as she can be with her 5 best friends.

She doesn't want gifts, or any of that, just a day with her friends, or 2 hours in this case. :(

I would do it at home, but Rascal is not fond of people he doesn't know. They'd be running around, and there's too big a chance that Rascal would fear bite because kids move too fast, and not all of them understand what a fearful dog is.

We went camping this last weekend, and he did great with a group of people he didn't know. But the adults all understood dogs, and approached him slowly, on his level, gave him time and space. The two kids (other than Syd) that were there, one was a year older than Syd, the other 8, no experience with dogs. I kept telling her to approach him slowly, to let him sniff her, to not lunge at him, or scream or jump around near him, because he's afraid. But at 8 she didn't get it. She kept running by him, being hyper, like an 8 year old is. At one time he barked at her and scared her, and she still didn't get it, still came to our campsite running in and wondering why Rascal was barking out of fear. If he hadn't been on a leash I don't know if he would have stopped at barking. He's always been a fearful dog.

So a party at my house, with 6 kids he doesn't know, that don't understand fearful dogs or how to be around them, is not an option. I don't want to end up losing Rascal because he bit someone out of fear.

So bowling it is, the cheapest party I could find outside of having the kids over to my house. :(

[Alty]

I'd love that. Invitations haven't been sent yet I could still have the bowling party for her and her friends, and ask Syd if she'd be okay with donations to the shelter in lieu of gifts, which I know she'd go for.

[Wondergirl]

I'd love that. Invitations haven't been sent yet I could still have the bowling party for her and her friends, and ask Syd if she'd be okay with donations to the shelter in lieu of gifts, which I know she'd go for.

You and she could ask the shelter what they would want/need, the guests could wrap them, Syd could open them at the party, and then deliver the gifts later in person.

Might start a whole new kindness tradition. :-)

[Alty]

You and she could ask the shelter what they would want/need, the guests could wrap them, Syd could open them at the party, and then deliver the gifts later in person.

Might start a whole new kindness tradition. :-)

Love love love this idea! Thank you so much WG. Syd is at her friends birthday party sleepover right now, but I'm totally going to talk to her about this, and knowing her, it will happen. She's all about giving back, especially to animals.

Do you know what Jared wants to do for his 17th birthday on September 4th? He wants to spend $100 at Burger Baron, his and Syd's favorite restaurant, burgers and fries to die for, and then go downtown to hand out the food to homeless people. That's his dream.

I may be screwed up in many ways, but I have to say, I'm pretty darn proud of my two kids. Don't know what I said or did to get them where they are, they're not great at school, they don't get good grades, but they're amazing human beings, and that matters so much more than a score on a test.

[Wondergirl]

Let me know what she thinks. Jared's idea is also excellent. My library homeless buddy Jerry always was careful what he ate, especially "gifted" food (for fear of needing a bathroom quickly), so be careful what they buy. Burgers, fries, drinks should be okay. No hot peppers! ;-)

[teacherjenn4]

Thanks for making sure I don't get any inaccurate posts! I am into week 4 of a new school year and can hardly move at the end of the day, let alone answer many questions.
We also did parties at home for the boys, but we did bowling parties, too. Some of my students have parties at a rock climbing place, and other places like it. My favorite one was a boy who asked for canned goods instead of gifts. Almost the whole class showed up and the local food pantry was thrilled.
Keep doing what you're doing, Alty. You're a great Mom!

[Wondergirl]

Thanks for making sure I don't get any inaccurate posts! I am into week 4 of a new school year and can hardly move at the end of the day, let alone answer many questions.
We also did parties at home for the boys, but we did bowling parties, too. Some of my students have parties at a rock climbing place, and other places like it. My favorite one was a boy who asked for canned goods instead of gifts. Almost the whole class showed up and the local food pantry was thrilled.
Keep doing what you're doing, Alty. You're a great Mom!

I won't give you a greenie ever again on this board! LOVE the food pantry idea!

[Alty]

Thanks for making sure I don't get any inaccurate posts! I am into week 4 of a new school year and can hardly move at the end of the day, let alone answer many questions.
We also did parties at home for the boys, but we did bowling parties, too. Some of my students have parties at a rock climbing place, and other places like it. My favorite one was a boy who asked for canned goods instead of gifts. Almost the whole class showed up and the local food pantry was thrilled.
Keep doing what you're doing, Alty. You're a great Mom!

I'm not a great mom, not at all, I'm average at best. I just happen to have great kids. Don't know how that happened, but they turned out, so far (ask me again when Syd is 16 and dating some guy with multiple piercings and tattoos, and a motorbike) really great.

Not sure it's my influence. Maybe a bit, but it's mostly all them. You can preach and preach, teach and teach, but ultimately it's what's in them that comes through. It has to be inside of them, it can't be taught. :)

[cdad]

Other things you may not have thought about as a party theme. But what about a crafty party or a cooking party. Kids love those kinds of things. Im sure that there are independents in your area that have classes and you could attend one as a party. Throwing clay is great fun.

Also I have to caution you on the TMI. Its killing me. lol

[Alty]

Other things you may not have thought about as a party theme. But what about a crafty party or a cooking party. Kids love those kinds of things. Im sure that there are independents in your area that have classes and you could attend one as a party. Throwing clay is great fun.

Also I have to caution you on the TMI. Its killing me. lol

LOL! I know, I always kill you with how much info I give. I'm surprised you're not 6 feet under already because of me. But you know me, I have a hard time not sharing all about my life, in fine detail, with lots of info. It's just me. Can't change me, I've tried. :(

We have cooking places for kids that throw parties, it's $300 plus for 5 kids or less. Pottery parties, not available in our hamlet. Remember I don't live in the city, I live in the burbs. Unless I want parents to drive into the city, pay for parking to drop their kids off, and then pay $300 plus for the facilities without food, drinks or cake, I'm stuck with planning where I am.

Bowling for 6 kids, 1 hour bowling, 1 hour room rental with two large pizzas, and two pitchers of pop, is $135. It's a great deal, and Syd loves bowling.

It really is a win win. :)

[CravenMorhead]

The title says it all.

My daughter gets invited to a lot of birthday parties. We're not rich, we can't afford to buy elaborate gifts for our own kids, much less their friends. So how much to spend?

I normally get a gift card to their favorite store, so what I spent is very obvious. This last party I got a $25 gift card to the friends favorite store. Is that too much, not enough, insulting, okay? What's the standard? Is there one?

How do you decide what to spend? Is it all based on what you can afford, and if you buy a cheaper gift do the parents think you're just cheap, or realize that you can't afford to spend more?

I always factor in what the party is. If they spent money to book a place, serve food and drinks, give a party favor, then I feel like I have to give more, since they spent so much to throw the party. But really, are they throwing the party so their child gets gifts, or are they throwing it so that their child can spend their birthday with friends?

I'm so lost on this. What's an acceptable amount to spend? What's completely unacceptable? In what cases is it okay to spend more, or spend less?

What are your thoughts?

I am curious about this because it is going to become relevant in the next few years for us. This post is all over the place.

My opinion is that $25 is more then enough. The parents will know your situation, one way or another, and will understand. The parties are to celebrate the kids birthday, not to fleece their friends for presents. For me and my wife I think it is going to be more a matter of what we will think that the child will like. Our daughter is easily amused by cheap things, it doesn't need to be an expensive leapPad or something like that. Some days my wife's shoes will be enough to entertain her.

This is similar to the wedding present problem. (And you can think of it as the same). You go to a wedding, you know roughly what it would cost to hold the wedding and reception and give accordingly. The first time I was married there were a bunch of presents we got that meant a lot to me (Who knows about her to be honest) and they weren't the most expensive ones.

I think it would be wise to call up the parents and see what their child is into and see what they want to her to have.

I think a good price range, depending on age is $15-40. With the hump of the bell curve at 20-25. If it is family then more is acceptable, less... If you can't afford it is acceptable.

I think the party is for the kids to have fun with each other. Not just for gifts.

[J_9]

In my neck of the woods the parties stop around the age of 8. They just aren't popular here.

I had a party many moons ago for Rae when she turned 7. It was a bowling party and we invited about 10 kids. Only 2 showed up and she was heartbroken. She is almost 22 and remembers that party to this day. I've never had another party for my children, nor will I my grandchildren.

We give our kids $100 and go out to dinner, they get to take their best friend. They choose the restaurant. Little J always chooses Huey's. It's a burger joint/bar, but it's fun because you try to make toothpicks stick in the ceiling by shooting them up with a straw. But I digress, the friend gives our kids a card with $10 or $20 and we reciprocate in kind and visa versa.

[Alty]

I guess it's very different from family to family, and where you live. Here birthday parties are thrown usually until they turn 21, the big one, and then it ends for the parents and it's up to you to have your own party.

Jared hasn't had a party in years, his choice. I ask him every year if he'd like to have friends over, or go somewhere special, or have a friend spend the night playing games etc. But no, he's not into that.

Syd loves having her friends get together for a party. Then again, she's only just turned 13, and is invited to more birthday parties than she ever was as a child. It gets expensive, seems like there's one at least every month.

When they were little it was easy. Family over, cake, food, and fun, and a few friends with kids their age. As they got older it got harder. No more family party (well, us, but not extended family), and all about the friends.

This year Syd will be having a bowling party, and she's asking that any gifts be donations to the Edmonton Humane Society, in her name. :)

Oh, and the biggest shock, but not really a shock, just a bit surprised that this turned into a birthday wish, is my son. He turns 17 on September 4, and he wants to feed the homeless on his birthday. He wants to take the money his Aunt gives him every year ($100) buy bread, sandwich meat, thermos's, hot chocolate, and go to the worst part of the city and feed the homeless. That's his birthday wish.

Anyone have a pitbull I can borrow when we do this?

[teacherjenn4]

That is so sweet! I love the idea! You need a nice off-duty police officer to accompany you on your trip to feed the homeless. I can't wait to become a meal deliverer for senior citizens when I retire. The little beagle can come with me if she's still around. I'd send her to you to sniff out anything bad as you feed the homeless, but she never ever barks. Well, if there's a bug on the ground...

[Alty]

That is so sweet! I love the idea! You need a nice off-duty police officer to accompany you on your trip to feed the homeless. I can't wait to become a meal deliverer for senior citizens when I retire. The little beagle can come with me if she's still around. I'd send her to you to sniff out anything bad as you feed the homeless, but she never ever barks. Well, if there's a bug on the ground...

I'd take my beagle but all he does is great everyone with tail wagging, waiting for loves. He wouldn't help at all if there was danger. The border collie would, but he'd try to attack everyone. He's fearful of people he doesn't know, and taking him downtown would just be a huge mistake.

Hubby said we should do it on a weekend when he's off work, he'll come along, and so will another male friend of ours. I think I'll be able to protect them all. :)