[volleyball1256]

Okay so my best friends cousin told me he likes me. We only met once but he got my number from my friend and we have been texting for a few days now. We are mainly asking each other questions about each other just to get to know each other (I said each other a lot in that sentence) We talked about like... dating I guess but agreed that we didn't know each other well enough. I like him and I guess you could say I have a crush. I just want to know if it's okay that he is fifteen and I'm about to be thirteen. My parents are pretty much okay with the idea of dating and going out with friends and they trust me. But I haven't told them about this boy yet and I want planning too anytime soon. What are your thoughts about the "appropriateness" of a thirteen year old dating a fifteen year old?

Complete honesty please and thanks!

[smoothy]

Inappropriate.

13 is way too young... and 2 years at this stage is a significant different in maturity. A 15 year old guy fooling around with a 13 year old to his peers would be considered to be cradle robbing as a result. Speaking as a guy who remembers being 15 VIVIDLY.

[Jake2008]

Smoothy is right on. And I agree- 13 is too young to have a steady boyfriend, or even date.

While it is 'only' a 2 year difference in age, you are wise to consider this with caution. Not necessarily as to the motives of a 15 year old boy, but to entering this stage of your development too quickly.

I am impressed that you can think beyond your parents being okay with this, and look for more insight before you make this important decision, on your own.

You will likely be double the age you are now, before you find the right person to have a serious relationship with.

Why push that envelope now. Stay young as long as you can. Enjoy the company of many, as long as you can, and maybe consider setting the age of 15 as when you would consider dating.

Best of luck to you.

[ScottGem]

What bothers me is your statement that you weren't planning on telling your parents. That is a fast way to lose their trust. If you have discussed dating with them and they have given you permission to date, then you need to tell them about this boy ASAP.

While I agree with the others that 13 is really on the young side to date, especially a 15 yr old, times are changing. A lot depends on what you consider dating. But the main thing here is you need to be totally open with your parents about this.

[Homegirl 50]

Be open with your parents about this. I'm not sure they would be OK with it.
While you are soon to be 13, how soon and how soon is he to be 16? 12/13 and 15/16 is a big deal. I'm wondering why the guy would be interested in someone as young as you.

[talaniman]

Why aren't you planning to tell your parents? Why take a chance of going behind their back, maybe lying about who you are with, and where you are going, and breaking their trust.

That's not appropriate at any age under any circumstances. You want to have fun "dating" then do it right, and talk to your parents FIRST.

[J_9]

Let's back up, shall we? You are actually 12. You aren't 13 yet. So yes, this is totally inappropriate. The fact that you don't plan on telling your parents is very alarming.

[mugwort]

I think at your age a two year gap is significant. I'm thinking too you're much to young to be going steady. I'd say forget him. You're not ready imo

[volleyball1256]

Update: after reading what people said I should clarify. I meant that I wasn't going to tell my parents because I didn't think anything serious was going to happen. And I already turned thirteen. Still wondering what people have to say. Thanks!

Let's back up, shall we? You are actually 12. You aren't 13 yet. So yes, this is totally inappropriate. The fact that you don't plan on telling your parents is very alarming.

I turned thirteen already and the reason I wasn't going to tell my parents was because I didn't think it was going anywhere. Thank you for your input though. I appreciate it.

[smoothy]

Update: after reading what people said I should clarify. I meant that I wasn't going to tell my parents because I didn't think anything serious was going to happen. And I already turned thirteen. Still wondering what people have to say. Thanks!


I turned thirteen already and the reason I wasn't going to tell my parents was because I didn't think it was going anywhere. Thank you for your input though. I appreciate it.

That's still no excuse... even if you was 17 you would still be obligated to tell your parents. 13 is still 13. And its still too big of a difference developmentally and in maturity at this stage. 2 years difference at this point is equal to more than 20 years difference for someone that is 30.

[ScottGem]

If you have only been texting and not meeting him face to face, I would say its OK not to tell your parents. But as soon as it progresses past that and before you meet, then your parents need to know.

[Jake2008]

I think it is better to put the horse before the cart here, and not the cart before the horse.

In other words, that you are 13 and even considering dating, it is time to have a talk with your parents. If you are talking to a young man with the possibility of dating, or even just talking to a 15 year old male by texting, your parents should know.

Many kids your age have been lured by simply texting, into meeting people that were not who they said they were. I am not saying this young man in question is that person, but the point being, any conversations about meeting up, or dating, or becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, needs to be talked about to your parents, particularly because you have not yet met in person.

And the meeting in person part, is to assess possibilities. You may find at your age you are in far deeper than you ever meant to be, because you are too young, and inexperienced just with life, to know or assess the motives of anyone, let alone someone you are meeting for the first time that you have fallen for.

That he is related to someone you know, does not make it any safer.

IF you decide not to talk to your parents, and decide instead to meet with him without their knowledge, at least take someone with you. But above all, be careful, and be prepared for this to not work out as you think it might.

[Cat1864]

I am going to take a different route when it comes to texting with him.

I think you should be open with your parents that you are making a new friend and texting with him. To me, it is better to be upfront from the beginning instead of worrying later about how you will tell your parents you want to meet him in person or if the texting becomes inappropriate.

Too many teens of all ages think texting is safe and nothing can happen that they don't want. That isn't quite true. Inappropriate behavior can start with very small requests such as keeping it from your parents because you don't think the relationship is serious. Once you are holding one secret from your parents it is easy to start keeping more secrets that are more serious than talking about the weather. It is how innocent 'get to know you discussions' turn into sexting and sending sexually suggestive pictures. For some, it leads to sneaking out and doing other things they know they shouldn't.

I know this sounds like a parent worrying too much about someone you think you can trust. Unfortunately, I have seen the aftermath of what happens when a young female doesn't pay attention to the warning signs.

Your parents trust you at this time because you probably haven't hidden anything from them. If you begin hiding who you are texting and what is being said, you will damage that trust. Don't put yourself into the position of feeling like you need to hide your phone from your parents. They will notice and worry if you start being secretive.

[volleyball1256]

Update: I told my parents. . And they were supportive and just wanted me to be happy. I was surprised by their reaction but am very glad that it turned out the way it did. Any more thoughts on the situation would be much appreciated. Also I still don't know if I would really date this guy, it's not like he asked me out yet. Would it be better to wait a year? Or forget him altogether?

[Homegirl 50]

I can't imagine a parent telling their 13 year old daughter "I just want you to be happy " when it comes to a 15 year old boy but that's between you and your parents. If you have their OK why are you still asking?
Personally there is no way I'd let my 13 year old go out with a 15 year old.

[J_9]

I'm a mother of a 13 year old. I am not believing a word you say. I would never allow my 13 year old to "date" a 15 year old. And, when it comes to "dating" at this age, my husband and I would never say "I just want you to be happy."

If if what you say is true, that is poor parenting at best and I see you pregnant within the next year.

[smoothy]

As was mentioned... EVERY and I do mean EVERY girl I have ever known... and I am 53... that has fooled around with boys at 13... has ended up pregnant or dropped out of school by 16.

And they will struggle the rest of their lives on average just to pay the bills... much less live a "comfortable" life. Meaning not having to worry how to pay at least some of the bills before the end of the month or even the next paycheck.

I also find it impossible that your parents would "be happy for you". Unless they are horrible parents with zero parenting skills who really don't care about you or your future.

This may not make a lot of sense to you now....but its going to in just a few more years.....sooner if you end up one of those 13 or 14 year old "mom's" that the guys only go out with because you are easy...not because they care about you.

And you wouldn't find a guy that's willing to overlook the fact you have someone elses kid for at least the next 15 or more years. And statistically....the guy who would have knocked you up won't going to be anywhere around to help after he find out how expensive and how much work a kid is.

And no matter what or how many precautions you take....you can still get pregnant..

[Alty]

13 and 15 is not that huge an age gap. I know I'm going to get flack for saying that, but really, at that age there's not that big a difference.

If you parents are okay with you dating him (and by dating I mean hanging out, holding hands, going to a movie and nothing more) and his parents are okay with him dating you, than I see no problem. It's not like it's going to last, you're both too young for that. As long as there's no sexual contact at all, and that includes kissing, I don't see the problem if the parents are both okay with it.

You are talking about dating, right? Not sex? I know everyone jumped to sex, without you mentioning it, so I'm asking. You don't want to have sex, do you?

[Homegirl 50]

At 13 she is probably in middle school. She just turned 13. He is in High School. Those are two different phases. Sex aside, a 13 year old should not be dating, let alone dating a 15 year old.

[Enigma1999]

I dated A guy when I was 13-14. He was a little older. We went to the movies and went for ice cream. It was not a big deal. I don't see a problem with it as long as you both are responsible about it and communicate this with both sets of parents.