[Wondergirl]

By dating, do you mean texting, emailing, Skyping, etc.? Or do you mean hanging out together face to face, in real time, in the real world?

[volleyball1256]

13 and 15 is not that huge an age gap. I know I'm going to get flack for saying that, but really, at that age there's not that big a difference.

If you parents are okay with you dating him (and by dating I mean hanging out, holding hands, going to a movie and nothing more) and his parents are okay with him dating you, than I see no problem. It's not like it's going to last, you're both too young for that. As long as there's no sexual contact at all, and that includes kissing, I don't see the problem if the parents are both okay with it.

You are talking about dating, right? Not sex? I know everyone jumped to sex, without you mentioning it, so I'm asking. You don't want to have sex, do you?

Thank you so much. And yes of course not sex. I believe in saving sex for marriage and would never let anything escalate that high. I doubt I would even kiss him right now. Thank you for your input it was very encouraging.

By dating, do you mean texting, emailing, Skyping, etc.? Or do you mean hanging out together face to face, in real time, in the real world?

Face to face in real time in the real world

I dated A guy when I was 13-14. He was a little older. We went to the movies and went for ice cream. It was not a big deal. I don't see a problem with it as long as you both are responsible about it and communicate this with both sets of parents.

Thank you so much

[Alty]

Thank you so much. And yes of course not sex. I believe in saving sex for marriage and would never let anything escalate that high. I doubt I would even kiss him right now. Thank you for your input it was very encouraging.


Face to face in real time in the real world

Good for you. Sex should be between adults, two people responsible enough, and old enough to care for a child, because any time you have sex, even with protection, even with 3 or more forms of protection, pregnancy is possible, and being a teen mom is not easy. There, lecture over.

I dated at 14, and the guy I dated was 16. We went swimming, to movies, bike rides, McDonalds. We held hands, and kissed once in a while, but nothing serious, just a quick peck on the lips. My parents met him, his mom met me (his dad was deceased), and they were okay with us dating. Sex was never even brought up.

My son will be 17 soon, and my daughter will be 13 soon. Both know that sex is not okay at their age, and neither of them want to have sex this young. It's just not a good idea. Do they think about it? Well my son does, but thinking about it and doing something about it, are two different things. He doesn't want to be a teen dad, so sex is not on the table, even if the girl is willing, and even if he wants to. He knows it's not right for someone his age. My daughter still thinks boys are icky. :)

But dating is fine. Dating is a part of growing up. As long as your parents are okay with it, and his parents are okay with it, I don't see the problem.

You sounds like you know what you want, and what you don't want in a relationship. So as long as mom and dad know, and are okay, then have fun, and stick to your morals.

Good luck. :)

[J_9]

13 and 15 is not that huge an age gap. I know I'm going to get flack for saying that, but really, at that age there's not that big a difference.

If you parents are okay with you dating him (and by dating I mean hanging out, holding hands, going to a movie and nothing more) and his parents are okay with him dating you, than I see no problem. It's not like it's going to last, you're both too young for that. As long as there's no sexual contact at all, and that includes kissing, I don't see the problem if the parents are both okay with it.

You are talking about dating, right? Not sex? I know everyone jumped to sex, without you mentioning it, so I'm asking. You don't want to have sex, do you?

So, you wouldn't mind Syd dating a 15 year old boy?

[Alty]

So, you wouldn't mind Syd dating a 15 year old boy?

If I met the boy, and approved of him, than no, I wouldn't mind. I'd have rules, like most good parents would, but just dating, no, I wouldn't mind that.

I trust my daughter. I know she's smart enough to say no to sex, and she knows the consequences of sex. She also has a great relationship with me, just like Jared does, and we talk about everything. I know she'd talk to me if she were planning on making that big decision, and I know she wouldn't make it at 13.

Not all teens want sex. To lump them all into one category because of a few, is not fair.

[J_9]

If I met the boy, and approved of him, than no, I wouldn't mind. I'd have rules, like most good parents would, but just dating, no, I wouldn't mind that.

I trust my daughter. I know she's smart enough to say no to sex, and she knows the consequences of sex. She also has a great relationship with me, just like Jared does, and we talk about everything. I know she'd talk to me if she were planning on making that big decision, and I know she wouldn't make it at 13.

Not all teens want sex. To lump them all into one category because of a few, is not fair.

Now, the issue I have is that the OP was going, originally, keep this a secret from her parents. BIG red flag here. I'm still not convinced she really did talk to her parents.

I would never allow my 12 year old to date a 15 year old. Never, nada, no way. Another 12 year old, or 13 year old maybe, but not a 15 year old. Most 12 year olds are in 7th'ish grade, while most 15 year olds are freshmen or sophomores in high school.

[Alty]

Now, the issue I have is that the OP was going, originally, keep this a secret from her parents. BIG red flag here. I'm still not convinced she really did talk to her parents.

I would never allow my 12 year old to date a 15 year old. Never, nada, no way. Another 12 year old, or 13 year old maybe, but not a 15 year old. Most 12 year olds are in 7th'ish grade, while most 15 year olds are freshmen or sophomores in high school.

She says she is now 13, in her first post she said she was almost 13. Syd is almost 13. She could post now as a 12 year old, and at the end of August she'd be posting as a 13 year old. Birthday's happen.

She didn't really say she was going to keep it a secret from her parents. She just said she hadn't told them yet. Now she claims she has. You may not believe it, but it's not our place to guess. We go by what the OP says, not what we think is true, or not true.

[Alty]

Bottom line, and I think we can all agree on this. If her parents say she can date this boy, then she can date this boy. It's not up to us, we're not her parents. We all agree that her parents have to be okay with it, and she says that they are. We can only go by what she says, it's not up to any of us to determine if she's telling the truth or not, because that's not possible.

She sounds like an intelligent young lady, she says her parents are okay with her dating this 15 year old, and that's good enough for me. She says she's not going to have sex until marriage, and I commend her for that, and hope she keeps that promise.

Give her the benefit of the doubt people. Not all teens are irresponsible. I happen to know 2 personally that are very responsible, because they were taught right from wrong. If you're going to assume anything, then assume that her parents are just as great as you all are or were.

I wish you luck Volleyball. Stay safe, and stick to your beliefs, and always always talk to your parents about any big decisions you make as a teen. If you do that, you'll be just fine. :)

[volleyball1256]

Now, the issue I have is that the OP was going, originally, keep this a secret from her parents. BIG red flag here. I'm still not convinced she really did talk to her parents.

I would never allow my 12 year old to date a 15 year old. Never, nada, no way. Another 12 year old, or 13 year old maybe, but not a 15 year old. Most 12 year olds are in 7th'ish grade, while most 15 year olds are freshmen or sophomores in high school.

I did tell my parents. They said that if I was responsible then I could in a way date this boy. My dad then made a joke saying that if I had sex puppies die :-(. I respect you thinking that but I know the truth and my parents are supporting me so that's fine. Thanks for your input. :-)

She says she is now 13, in her first post she said she was almost 13. Syd is almost 13. She could post now as a 12 year old, and at the end of August she'd be posting as a 13 year old. Birthday's happen.

She didn't really say she was going to keep it a secret from her parents. She just said she hadn't told them yet. Now she claims she has. You may not believe it, but it's not our place to guess. We go by what the OP says, not what we think is true, or not true.

Thank you so much

[volleyball1256]

Bottom line, and I think we can all agree on this. If her parents say she can date this boy, then she can date this boy. It's not up to us, we're not her parents. We all agree that her parents have to be okay with it, and she says that they are. We can only go by what she says, it's not up to any of us to determine if she's telling the truth or not, because that's not possible.

She sounds like an intelligent young lady, she says her parents are okay with her dating this 15 year old, and that's good enough for me. She says she's not going to have sex until marriage, and I commend her for that, and hope she keeps that promise.

Give her the benefit of the doubt people. Not all teens are irresponsible. I happen to know 2 personally that are very responsible, because they were taught right from wrong. If you're going to assume anything, then assume that her parents are just as great as you all are or were.

I wish you luck Volleyball. Stay safe, and stick to your beliefs, and always always talk to your parents about any big decisions you make as a teen. If you do that, you'll be just fine. :)

Reading what you have to say really make me smile. Thank you so much.

[smoothy]

I don't know Alty. Being I'm a guy and know how guys think at that age... its their life mission to get the girl to change her mind by hook or by crook (meaning any story or lie it takes) until well in their 20's when it dawns on them there are other things in life. I was NOT the most persuasive guy much of my life... and certainly wasn't then... but I still managed to change many minds.

I feel as I do KNOWING what guys that age are like and the lies, stories and pressure they are capable of (they really DO only have one thing on their minds, and everything involving a female revolves around getting it no matter what they might claim). And know few girls will not change their minds after enough of that pressure. Certainly there are some... but they are few and far between.

Maybe she will beat the odds. Who knows. We can only hope. Which I do hope is this case.

[ScottGem]

Its unfortunate but children are growing up faster these days. I fault the media for this because it glorifies romantic relationships that young people want to emulate before they are ready.

That being said, as long the parents are involved, I don't see a problem.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't care mature she is, she is a 13 year old girl and he is a 15 year old boy. Oftentimes hormones outweigh maturity. She says she has her parents approve so what we think is irrelevant.

[Alty]

I don't know Alty. Being I'm a guy and know how guys think at that age... its their life mission to get the girl to change her mind by hook or by crook (meaning any story or lie it takes) until well in their 20's when it dawns on them there are other things in life. I was NOT the most persuasive guy much of my life... and certainly wasn't then... but I still managed to change many minds.

I feel as I do KNOWING what guys that age are like and the lies, stories and pressure they are capable of (they really DO only have one thing on their minds, and everything involving a female revolves around getting it no matter what they might claim). And know few girls will not change their minds after enough of that pressure. Certainly there are some... but they are few and far between.

Maybe she will beat the odds. Who knows. We can only hope. Which I do hope is this case.

So basically you're saying that girls have no minds, that guys can easily persuade them into doing things they don't want to do by telling stories and lies, because all guys think about is sex, and girls are too stupid, brainless, or weak to see through those lies and say no?

Really?

Just an fyi, teen boys aren't the only ones that think about sex. Girls do too. But if a girl isn't ready, and at 13 she really isn't ready, and has a backbone, and a bit of common sense, unless the guy rapes her, she''ll be just fine.

Not all girls are easily mislead by idiot boys that only want one thing. Most girls see through the lies and stories, they educate themselves, and I think volleyball won't let some idiot boy fool her into having sex when she's not ready. She's smarter than that!

I don't care mature she is, she is a 13 year old girl and he is a 15 year old boy. Oftentimes hormones outweigh maturity. She says she has her parents approve so what we think is irrelevant.

You can raise your kids, and forbid them to date until a certain age when you think they're ready. But we can't do that here, and we shouldn't do that.

Look at her writing. She's not some dumb kid. She's not going to throw it all away for 2 seconds of passion because of some guy. She's smarter than that. If she weren't, her parents wouldn't be okay with her dating.

Yes, often times hormones and a moment of passion get in the way. But she's not going to let that happen. I have faith in her. Her parents have faith in her. And maybe if we showed more faith in the teens today, they'd be more willing to do the right thing. Lectures don't work, it just makes them want to do dangerous things even more. Faith works, and I have faith in volleyball. She's going to make the right choices. She's a good kid.

Reading what you have to say really make me smile. Thank you so much.

You're very welcome.

I hope you make the right choices in life. I hope you stick to your beliefs, and stick to what you want. Wait until marriage, or at least until you're older, and in a stable relationship.

I have faith in you. You're a smart girl, that's very evident in your writing. Concentrate on school, get good grades, go to college, and date, and have fun. But stick to just dating, nothing sexual until you're ready, and you're not ready until you're an adult and can not only financially, but physically support a child. Sex has consequences, always.

You have a good head on your shoulders. Stick to your guns. Don't let any horny boy talk you out of what you want in the future. Don't let a moment of passion ruin the rest of your life. Dating should be fun, and sex really isn't fun until you're older, and I'm not saying that as a mom, I'm saying it because it's true.

Any time you want to talk, I'll be here to post. You're a breath of fresh air, a smart kid, and I know you'll go far in life.

[smoothy]

So basically you're saying that girls have no minds, that guys can easily persuade them into doing things they don't want to do by telling stories and lies, because all guys think about is sex, and girls are too stupid, brainless, or weak to see through those lies and say no?

Really?

Just an fyi, teen boys aren't the only ones that think about sex. Girls do too. But if a girl isn't ready, and at 13 she really isn't ready, and has a backbone, and a bit of common sense, unless the guy rapes her, she''ll be just fine.

Not all girls are easily mislead by idiot boys that only want one thing. Most girls see through the lies and stories, they educate themselves, and I think volleyball won't let some idiot boy fool her into having sex when she's not ready. She's smarter than that!

Not saying that is the case with all girls... but it IS true with many. Mostly due to the huge amount of false information they spread between friends.( and guys aren't any better with false information between them too)... the fact most females tend to associate sex with love... and so many of them think sex is how you can get and keep a guy... you've seen the many, many threads here... and while you were likely a lot sharper than average at that age, I'm sure you've know more than a few that weren't.

The younger they are the more easily manipulated by older more mature people. That's why there is the age of consent in most of the world. There certainly are female agressors..and I've known a few....but on average the guys at least in the beginning. Take advantage....but most women learn, quickly , To spot them. The average 18 year old woman is a lot better prepared than the average 13 year old is, and the average 20 something woman has the upper hand until the guys catch up in the maturity dept.

There is such a thing as power of persuasion... she may start wanting to do the right thing... but given the right persuasion by the right person... she's going to change her mind about wanting it... and so many of those cases end up in a pregnancy. At 13 its inexperience and lack of knowledge....at 18...they can't use that excuse.

Not to mention how easily and quickly a line can be crossed... which happens far too often (actually happening at all is too often).

I think we are more in agreement than we are in disagreement on this... we just view it from opposite perspectives.

[Homegirl 50]

I think parents should have the final say on when their child can date. As a parent myself, my 13 year old did not. She could talk on the phone, go to a school dance... but this was with another 13 year old. This girl just turned 13. She is in middle school. The bot is in high school. There is no way.
At any rate I think this may be major crush on an older boy and the boy not being that major with her. The age difference makes no sense. She just turned 13, she was 12 and he is 15. I don't get that.

[Alty]

I completely agree, girls fall in and out of love easily, and often times equate sex with love. But not all girls. There are still many women that wait until they're married to have sex. They date boys, men, until they're married, but never cross that line. Who are we to say that the OP (original poster) isn't one of those girls? Based on what, her request to date? She never asked about sex, just dating. She even said that dating, for her, wouldn't even include kissing.

Yes, there is such a thing as power of persuasion, but why are are the majority of posters on this thread, thinking that the OP isn't smart enough to see through that, and walk away? She's not a dumb kid, stop treating her like one.

Will she have sex before marriage? Stats say she will, but that doesn't mean that she'll have sex in her teens, or especially at 13. People are getting married at an older age now. I was 24 when I got married, and when I tell people that nowadays, I'm told I was way too young. Yet 20 years later, 2 kids later, I'm still married, and happy, and no, I didn't wait for marriage, or even my husband, to have sex. I wasn't smart about it. I wish I could go back and change that. I can't.

Volleyball has something I didn't have, info, people supporting her, not just her parents, but others. Us! So start supporting her.

Stop assuming she's going to have sex. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Treat her as an individual, not like the majority of teens we see that are stupid, having sex, getting pregnant. She doesn't deserve to be lumped into a group. She's herself, and she's not a stupid kid. Just look at her posts! She's not dumb.

I truly believe she'll be smart about this, and any passionate moments that happen before she's ready. She's not an idiot, so stop treating her like one. Please.

[Cat1864]

I have a some questions that touch on continuing to text with him or to see him in person.

What does your friend think about their cousin? Does the friend think he is a good person?

You have now been talking to him for about a month. What have you learned about him? Do you have enough in common to make discussions comfortable or are you both pretty much repeating the same things over and over? Has he given you any reasons to stop talking to him?

Do you still feel like you have a crush on him or has the flattery of having a male notice you worn off?

The main piece of advice I give my children and I will give you, be careful and pay attention. Do not make excuses for any bad behavior. Walk away if the person asks or encourages you to do things (including those that are not sexually related) you know are not right or correct or are flat out wrong.

Always remember that your parents are there for you. If you ever feel like you are getting in over your head, go to them.

I think you have a good chance of being one of the good examples instead of a negative one. I am hoping you are listening to all the advice you are getting. Some may or may not be what you want to hear. But all of it is about keeping you safe.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't think she is a dumb kid, I just think she is a young one. One who has just turned 13 and is talking to a boy who is 15. That to me is a problem. Why is a 15 year old boy chatting up with a 12 year old. (she was 12 when this started) She says her parents say it's cool so that's it, why is she still asking what we think? I'm not understanding how a parent could be OK with it.
I'm done.

[Alty]

I don't think she is a dumb kid, I just think she is a young one. One who has just turned 13 and is talking to a boy who is 15. That to me is a problem. Why is a 15 year old boy chatting up with a 12 year old. (she was 12 when this started) She says her parents say it's cool so that's it, why is she still asking what we think? I'm not understanding how a parent could be OK with it.
I'm done.

A 2 year age difference wouldn't bother me, and I am the most paranoid parent I know. I've been through a lot, and as a result I'm very protective of my kids. I've been sexually abused by a cousin from the age of five, and I was raped as a teen. So for me to say that I'd be okay with my 13 year old dating a 15 year old I approve of, is a big deal. A very big deal.

Just to show how protective I am. We recently went camping. My 16 (soon to be 17) year old son, decided last minute that he didn't want to come along. I said okay, but call me 2 times a day, or kik (it's a texting app that's free) me every day.

Well, we get to the campsite, and unlike the last time, our pay as we go cell phone, didn't have internet access, and therefore no kik.

Our friend was with us, and he had access, so he Kik'd my son. Well, one day there was 18 hours with no contact. Multiple kik's, phone calls, you name it, and no reply. My husband drove all the way home to check on him. A 3 hour drive, just to make sure he was okay. Of course he was, he hadn't gotten the messages, and didn't hear the phone. Over $80 in gas spent just to make sure he was okay, and a lot of worry. But he's my baby, even though he's almost 17, and frankly, the chances of something being wrong, were slim to none. Still, no contact to me, was a panic. Thankfully I have a husband that understands that, and was willing to drive for 3 hours to check on him. It was all good in the end, thankfully.

I don't let my kids do things that I think would harm them. A 13 year old dating a 15 year old, when the parents are involved, is not a big deal. It's 2 year difference, not 20!