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lbreezer120403 · Jun 16, 2015, 11:19 AM

Hello, so here it goes, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in late 2010. In my opinion, everyone thinks anorexic has something to do with how you see yourself and wanting to constantly be thinner, but that's not the case for me. When I get stressed out, or upset, or busy, or depressed, or basically any type of emotion, I choose not to eat. I don't mean to it just happens and no matter what I tell myself or feel like, I still can't seem to make myself be hungry.

I'm going through a lot right now, with being so shy and looking for another job, and working at my current job, family, online schooling, bills, my son, my family, my boyfriend and I's relationship going downhill, and then last but not least, not feeling as if I have any worth no matter what I try to tell myself. I constantly feel skinny, and gross and don't want to ever get up and doing anything anymore, and that's not like me. It all starts with how I see myself. I want to gain weight so bad but I for one don't eat as much as I should and I don't exercise and I don't eat good healthy meals like I should either. I eat a lot of sonic or mcdonalds or mexican food or things like beef jerky and candy bars and drink maybe a glass of water a day unless its kool aid or soda pop.

I want to be a healthier, happier, more fit and active, and much more positive individual. Any suggestions for any of this please don't hesitate to let me know any and or all of them. Thanks and have a great day by the way just because I'm skinny doesn't mean I want to be, I like being bigger I used to be at one point in time. I'm 24 years old and weigh barely 100 lbs and have longs legs and I'm about 5'4''.

Wondergirl · Jun 16, 2015, 11:29 AM

Are you seeing a counselor or therapist?

J_9 · Jun 16, 2015, 12:03 PM

I don't see this as textbook anorexia nervosa. This sounds more like depression, most likely situational depression.

Are you seeing a therapist? Are you on any medication?

lbreezer120403 · Jun 16, 2015, 01:11 PM

I don't know. I was hospitalized for anorexia nervousa because I wouldn't eat for 4 months straight. Now its not as bad, but sometimes I obsess over cooking food and people giving me there opinion on it and soemtimes I obsess over looking at pictures of food online, but most of it I wouldn't dare to eat. When I'm upset the first thing that pops in my head, is I'm not going to eat... and basically in the hospital it was so bad that every time they told me to eat is when I didn't want to the most.. but I was diagnosed with manic depression quite a few years ago and with psychotic tendencies and racing thoughts and a high level of anxiety and mood swings. So you I've got a few issues, and I was on resperdone 2 times a day, trazadone 2 times a day (but I only took it before bed time), lorazepam 3 times a day or PRN, and lexapro 30 mg a day. And I was suppose to be in counceling but the lady was crazier then I could have ever been and so me and my mom both stopped going to her. I am fortunate enough to be on my moms health insurance until I'm 26 and I'm now 24 and will be 25 in September. I missed 3 appointments in one year so my doctor and their entire line of clinics won't accept me anymore. So I started going to a different doctor and this lady is so blah, I told her about my weight, and I told her my family history, and I had just got done telling her my dad has epelepsy, and so she decides I don't need anything other than to be put on depakot 500 mg a day for weight gain. But I took it for about 3 months and it did nothing what so ever for me. She says if I quit taking it randomly I could possibly develop seizures as well... well I quit taking everything, I don't feel like any of the medicine has ever helped me. There is only one other issue that adds to all of this that I'm embarrassed to say, and that is I have an addiction problem that plays a big role. But I was diagnosed with all of this years before I started doing what I was doing. I want to be sober but I don't know how without having to quit my job or tell my family, or check myself into a treatment center. I tried to take myself away from all of this about 2.5 years ago and move out of state but only found myself back 3 months later. When I tried to get clean I never got out of bed for 3 months straight except to shower. I don't know I'm done rambling how embarrassing.

Jake2008 · Jun 16, 2015, 05:31 PM

It seems that you are in a big mess with your life.

Nothing helps according to you, and you have excuses for everything. It sounds to me that you don't want any help, because it's been offered to you through your mother's insurance at no cost to you, and something always prevents you from setting goals, and following a plan. Your problems are caused by everything that is out of your control, and you remain untreated, unchanged, and miserable.

I don't know what you expect.

What exactly is it you want help with? Getting motivated? Guesses as to what your core problems are? How treatment should go? Or is it more just a shot in the dark that some stranger somewhere might have 'the answer' and all your problems will disappear?

You won't stay in therapy, you quit all your medication, you seem to have no hope or direction or goals, and not a clue how to get your life together so you can function, support yourself and your child, and live a happy- at least happier life. Changing is very hard work.

You don't seem up to the task.

J_9 · Jun 16, 2015, 07:25 PM

You seem to have multiple psychiatric disorders. It also appears that you are non-compliant with medication as well as therapy.

If you aren't willing to help yourself, I don't see how you expect us to help you.

talaniman · Jun 17, 2015, 04:42 AM

Stop what you are doing, go home, and do what you were supposed to be doing in the first place. Until you are convinced that your way is not the right way, you won't change what you are doing.

All you have to do is be willing to listen. Or do you need more convincing that your life is unmanageable?