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khan 74 · May 27, 2015, 05:15 AM

I am 40 I was in abusive relationship with my three children's dad solcial services got involved an we went to court because I wouldn't stop seeing there dad .the judge ruled in favour ov children's servies an my daughter who is 10 was to be put in long term foster care an my two boys be put up for adoption who are 1 and 3 what can I do to stop this I want my babies back .

J_9 · May 27, 2015, 05:28 AM

Have your parental rights been terminated?

AK lawyer · May 27, 2015, 07:07 AM

Talk to the social services agency about a plan whereby the conditions which they believe are harmful to your children will be alleviated, and the children returned to you. Then work on that plan scrupulously. It's a long-term process, but it can work.

Fr_Chuck · May 27, 2015, 08:59 AM

Agree, an attorney would be a big help, since it appears there was already hearings and the family court ruled against you.

It also appears you had chances but preferred to stay with the man, instead of the children. Sorry but our actions come with a price.

stinawords · May 27, 2015, 09:50 AM

Have you stopped seeing their father? How long has it been? Are you trying to get your daughter back or just the boys? Just from what you have said that was a big part in deciding to remove the children for their safety. I would recommend finding an attorney in your area since there is already a judgement in place. If you can't afford one do as was suggested above and talk to the social services agency. Tell them everything you have changed for the better. I don't know if that will work (part of why I suggested the attorney to help you). Remember that the judge won't look lightly on the fact that you already had the chance to choose your children and chose someone else (that apparently was putting them in danger).

joypulv · May 27, 2015, 11:11 AM

All you can do right now is get a time machine. You were told to stop seeing him, and you didn't. Not helpful? I hope it is, because it shows that you can't keep having a push-comes-to-shove mentality and just figure out ways to fix things backwards. Write a letter saying so, and that you have learned, and hope to get help never doing it again.

ScottGem · May 27, 2015, 12:21 PM

Get an attorney. The court has ruled against you. If the boys are being put up for adoption its likely your parental rights were terminated. You need an attorney to fight the courts on this. You will have to asks for a postponement of the adoption until you can prove you can abide by the court's requirements. And since you refused to do so already I think it is a slim chance.

Your boys are at a more easily adoptable age now. For the court to give you a chance to prove you have ended the relationship would probably require a year or more. That will make it harder to find adoptive parents for them. So frankly I doubt if you can get the adoptions stopped. But your only chance is an attorney who knows the court system.

Synnen · May 27, 2015, 01:10 PM

I'm sorry, but you were probably told what to do to get your children back before the courts ruled against you. You were probably told MULTIPLE times. You just didn't believe it until it was too late. It's been my experience that the court gives FAR too many chances to biological parents, and it just messes the kids up even more. I'm sure that getting away from abuse was a HUGE part of what you had to do, and you didn't do it.

Your children deserve better than a mother that puts her man--and a BAD man--before them. If you truly love them, then let those boys be adopted while they are still young enough to be adopted, and not stuck in the system the next time you can't get your act together.

The best you can hope for right now is to turn your life around and get access to an open adoption.

J_9 · May 27, 2015, 01:55 PM

I'm relatively certain you were given a parenting plan to follow in order to keep your children. You were given multiple chances to turn your life around in order to keep the children.

Courts do not take children away because you failed the parenting plan. You were given steps to follow in order to keep your children.

What bothers me about this post is that it appears you are resigned to giving the girl up to foster care but you want to keep the two youngest boys.

J_9 · May 27, 2015, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Have you stopped seeing their father? How long has it been? Are you trying to get your daughter back or just the boys? Just from what you have said that was a big part in deciding to remove the children for their safety. I would recommend finding an attorney in your area since there is already a judgement in place. If you can't afford one do as was suggested above and talk to the social services agency. Tell them everything you have changed for the better. I don't know if that will work (part of why I suggested the attorney to help you). Remember that the judge won't look lightly on the fact that you already had the chance to choose your children and chose someone else (that apparently was putting them in danger).

"Telling them" she has changed for the better does not work. She has to show that she is working her parenting plan EXACTLY as set forth. Courts don't remove children willy nilly, nor do they place children in foster care and/or up for adoption unless the parent is not complying with said parenting plan. At this point I even doubt an attorney will help. She has been given multiple chances to comply, but chose the abuser over the children. It's called non-compliance and is not taken lightly.

kcomissiong · May 27, 2015, 08:47 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

I'm relatively certain you were given a parenting plan to follow in order to keep your children. You were given multiple chances to turn your life around in order to keep the children.

Courts do not take children away because you failed the parenting plan. You were given steps to follow in order to keep your children.

What bothers me about this post is that it appears you are resigned to giving the girl up to foster care but you want to keep the two youngest boys.

I read "babies" as applying to all of the children. That is what I call mine at 10 and 6. I do, however, suspect that her urgency is higher with the boys since she is about to permanently lose them, as opposed to the daughter being placed in foster care. It's a shame that urgency wasn't there when she was told to stop seeing the abuser.