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joshuaff · May 25, 2015, 12:02 PM

In my marriage to my ex-wife she was verbally abusive over 6 years to the point that I could not function. We have 2 children. I didn't have money and her lawyer got me to give away any custody. I have no visitation. I've never committed a crime. I've never really done anything wrong in life except to pick someone who is very manipulative. I have tried for 3 years now to see them and spend time with them, but they are constantly poisoned about me. My 5 year old son asked me "Why do you make bad decisions?" last time I had them. I thought that divorce would make for a healthier situation. It feels like my being in their lives causes their mother to put bad ideas in their heads. My ex-wife earns a good income and lives in a mansion with her parents who also earn. I'm wondering if I'm willing to walk away if New York has any avenue for me to do so and have me either stop child support or pay some minimal amount. This might sound terrible, but I'm just looking at this so that maybe their mother has less horrible things to plant in their heads and maybe life could be more positive. I am just curious about this if it's even a possibility.

cdad · May 25, 2015, 04:46 PM

No not likely unless there were to be an adoption. New York has child support through 21 years of age.

Your only real option is to go back to court and try to gain some type of custody and keep fighting for more. Other then that you could try getting a parental evaluation done if she is really doing what your stating here. That should get to the bottom of things.

stinawords · May 25, 2015, 05:56 PM

You can go back to court to ask for visitation. If you have a visitation order then you wouldn't have to fight so hard to spend time with them it would already be court ordered. As far as the support goes plan on paying it. If you had a significant reduction in your income you can go back to court to have it modified. Is the mother remarried to a man that wants to adopt the children? That would be the only way I see the support being terminated.

talaniman · May 25, 2015, 06:11 PM

Sorry you got such a rotten divorce decision, they had money for a lawyer, you didn't, but if you think walking away will make your ex a better person, forget it. You probably will give her even more ammo to use against you.

You needed a lawyer before, you really do need one NOW, or you can never get anywhere in court, or with your kids. It may be years before they even understand and can form their own opinion of you, based on your actions, and not your exes words.

Running away won't help that but figuring how to fight for your kids may change things as far as support, and visitations goes, and maybe their opinion of you despite the words and actions of your ex. I doubt the law (or your ex) let's you get out of your responsibility though.

Fr_Chuck · May 25, 2015, 09:10 PM

No, even if you never see the kids again, you will have to pay child support.
So you are better if you file for visiation, (what you should have done in the first place) and no you never had to agree to the terms of the child custody the first time, their lawyer can not do anything to make you accept. They can in court, if you have no lawyer, trick you and make it hard on you.

J_9 · May 25, 2015, 10:27 PM

These are your children. Your genes, your blood. Even if your ex is vindictive, rich, rude, etc. these children are your still your responsibility.

From a different angle... You say your ex already talks bad about you. How will the children feel when they find out you abandoned them? That you chose not to contribute to them? If terminating support were possible, which it isn't unless you are terminating parental rights to clear the way for adoption, you would be creating a bigger problem. You think the children don't like you now because of what their mother tells them? Just wait until they find out you don't want to take responsibility for them.

I'm sorry you made a poor choice in a spouse and mother to your children, but there are consequences to our actions. Child support is the consequence of broken homes.

ScottGem · May 26, 2015, 06:00 AM

First, visitation and child support are treated separately in NY courts. Second, No court is going to terminate your rights just to get you out of child support. So, if you have a child support order you will need to pay that amount whether you see your children or not.

I didn't have money and her lawyer got me to give away any custody.

You couldn't afford NOT to have an attorney and are paying the price for not having proper representation. Now you absolutely need one if you are going to affect any change.

I have no visitation. ... I have tried for 3 years now to see them and spend time with them.... My 5 year old son asked me "Why do you make bad decisions?" last time I had them.

So you have no court ordered visitation, yet apparently you can see them. Under what circumstances are you able to see them? What have you tried during the 3 years you tried to see them?

If I were you, I would go back to court and fight for a specific visitation schedule. I would also ask the court that the children be seen by a specialist to determine if they have truly been poisoned against you. That will create ammunition that can be used against her. But you need an attorney first. At the same time you should fight for reduced support on the basis of her income vs yours.