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CFZD · May 6, 2015, 07:56 PM

My boyfriend asks me how much I make?
I told him the agreement I signed with my company stated that I shall not share such info. Unless it's to my lawyer or family members.
He told me he won't tell anyone... and he said he is fine telling me how much he makes if I need to know. I told him, no I don't need to know that. He was a bit upset.

I don't want to reveal my salary, ever and I do not really need to know how much he makes, I am sure he makes much less than me and it's not a deal breaker that he makes less.

What do I do if he asks me again? Do you tell your bf/gf your salary?

J_9 · May 6, 2015, 08:18 PM

The agreement you signed with your employer was not to disclose your salary with other employees. It most likely had nothing to do with whom you disclose that information in your personal life.

With that said, until you have a ring and a date for a wedding, it is your right not to tell him how much you make. You simply tell him you live comfortably.

teacherjenn4 · May 6, 2015, 08:43 PM

I didn't ask my husband his much he made until a few days prior to our wedding. It really didn't matter to me.

Oliver2011 · May 6, 2015, 08:43 PM

My spouse knows but that's on a different level. You need to tell him what you feel comfortable telling him what you want to tell him.

smoothy · May 6, 2015, 09:11 PM

You must be the ONLY person that takes that agreement seriously. As was pointed out that is Supposed to be between employees.. That's so they can screw people on pay and raises without them knowing it. In theory anyway if everyone actually took it serious and followed it. I assume you are really young and this is your first job and you haven't had it very long.

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2015, 02:11 AM

This is a culture thing, in western culture, normally he can tell how much you make from what job position you have (job title) and life style.

But he is a boyfriend, not husband. Sounds like not a boyfriend for long, So what happens when he does tell his friends bragging?

BUT>>>>> as noted, it is a culture thing, a total stranger will come up to you in China and ask you how much do you make.

Next in China, you do not call someone a boyfriend, unless there is a plan toward marriage. So normally in China, on about the 3rd date (you know marriage is more serious if you date more than twice. The man and women in China will sit down with all of their bank statement and show each other all income, money in the bank, loans, debts and payments.

So culture and location can really make a big difference on how it works.

talaniman · May 7, 2015, 05:09 AM

I think this comes down to how comfortable you are with this boyfriend, and how far along this relationship has progressed. If he is worthy of being a boyfriend, then he must be worthy of your trust and of your HONESTY.

Nothing wrong with expressing that honesty if you are not ready to cross that bridge about your personal finances.

Maybe he asks as a way to see where he stands with you.

joypulv · May 7, 2015, 05:27 AM

I agree, especially with 'how far along this relationship has progressed.'
Not telling him because of your employment agreement is being coy. I suspect that the real reason is that you just don't feel like telling him, period, at least not yet!

If you start living together and sharing expenses, then tell him. I'm not getting a good feeling about the longevity of this relationship, however. I think he might resent your higher salary.

Homegirl 50 · May 7, 2015, 06:02 AM

I have never had a boyfriend ask me how much money I make. Unless we're getting married, it's none of his business.
How long has he been your boyfriend?

CFZD · May 7, 2015, 02:00 PM

I don't feel safe to tell because he also knows my coworkers so if he ever decides to tell my coworkers, I will be in trouble.
There is no way to assure he will never tell others, right?
Plus I don't know how he feels if he knows my salary that is much higher ( I am talking about roughly 3 times of his), I am sure he doesn't know it's that high because I am rather a frugal person.

Oliver2011 · May 7, 2015, 02:31 PM

If you don't feel safe to tell then don't tell. It can't be any simpler.

talaniman · May 7, 2015, 02:57 PM

Then tell him to stop being rude. Such a question makes you uncomfortable. You don't answer to him for your cautious, conservative, frugal nature. He accepts you the way you are.

I think you are right to keep him out of your very personal business for now. How long have you been dating, and an official couple?

Is this the guy teaching you to swim?

CFZD · May 7, 2015, 03:16 PM

No, it's not the same guy. The "swimming" guy started drink a lot again so we broke up. This guy I have only known for couple months, he declared our relationship just after a month of dating. He introduced me to all his family and calls me his girlfriend. I honestly don't ever want to tell someone my salary, until that person becomes my husband...
Was it rude that he asked about my salary? In reality, I think he is quite gentle and sweet.

Oliver2011 · May 7, 2015, 03:28 PM

Have you told him no yet? It sounds like you are very impressed with your salary and maybe it comes across to him that way and maybe that's why he asked. Tell him no and move on.

CFZD · May 7, 2015, 03:40 PM

I said No immediately he asked.
He hasn't talked to me afterwards, which is unusal of him.

Oliver2011 · May 7, 2015, 03:59 PM

I think you avoided something I said. If you are flaunting your salary, which you seem very impressed with, then I can see why he was probably curious. Regardless how you defend that point, we are only hearing your side of this story. I'd like to know how many times you have told us how much more you make than this other person. But I'm choosing not to read these posts again.

Honestly I make more than my partner, we've been together almost 5 years, and this issue has never come up because we love each other AND we are mature. Think about it.

CFZD · May 7, 2015, 04:24 PM

I understand. It's hard to see the whole story by just reading what I wrote.
Only time will tell, no point to worry about all the issues. If it works out, it will work out.
If it doesn't, then move on.:)

Homegirl 50 · May 7, 2015, 05:25 PM

I think the fact that he has called you his girl, introduced you to his family and asked how much money you make in a month is telling.
That, in my opinion is a very personal question to ask someone you've been seeing a month.

dontknownuthin · May 7, 2015, 06:15 PM

You do not have any obligation to share this information and he Should stop grilling you. Tell him you make enough to support your lifestyle and pursue your financial goals. Dating is not engaged. Should you get engaged you would likely need to discuss this as addressing your financial plans and expectations and values is important in planning a marriage. I think it is weird he is making an issue of it.

DoulaLC · May 7, 2015, 06:52 PM

He asked you once? And you said, no, that you can't share it due to an agreement you signed at work and that you don't want to. Odds are he won't bring it up again... It would be quite awkward for him to do so after the previous discussion on it.

If he does happen to ask again, simply tell him no again, that its something you feel should be kept private. If he gets upset again, so be it. He should respect your boundaries of privacy.