Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Ccorrall15's Avatar
    Ccorrall15 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 12, 2015, 11:27 AM
    Adult son
    Why does he hate me? He's away at college. Also blocked me from his phone.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 12, 2015, 11:32 AM
    Then leave him alone. Who is paying for his college?
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,675, Reputation: 1012
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Apr 12, 2015, 01:55 PM
    If you are paying tuition and expenses, block him getting any more money from you!
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #4

    Apr 12, 2015, 03:14 PM
    I am sorry but there is not enough information given to know if he 'hates' you or if you are over-reacting to your child growing up and living his own life.

    How is his relationship with other family members such as his father, grandparents, aunts, etc.? Do you have other children? Are there major conflicts in the family?

    What do you mean by "blocked me from his phone"? Does that mean he blocked your calls/texts or blocked your access to the phone and information about his texts and calls? Do you call or text a lot? Do you get upset if he doesn't respond when you think he should?

    How do you know he "hates" you? Has he said he hates you or is this your opinion based on his actions your own beliefs/thoughts?

    As a mother, I know how difficult it can be to allow your baby the room and freedom to make their own decisions. Wanting to keep control even when they are out of the house and on their own can cause conflicts in ourselves and in our relationships. Have you added stress that is pushing him away?

    If you are giving him financial aid (tuition, rent, food money, etc.), give him a list of reasonable expectations such as keeping his grades up, not getting arrested, be careful about family planning, and things like that. Make it clear that you are tying the financial aid to the conditions and then back off leaving him to live his life. Have him send you a copy of his end of term grades. Welcome him home wit open arms when he visits. Talk to him about other forms and times to keep in contact. If he doesn't show his grades/gets arrested/is becoming a father or actually says he 'hates' you, cut him off.

    If you are basing your belief that he 'hates' you on his actions or by how he shows (or doesn't show) respect, check your expectations to make certain they are reasonable. If they are, talk to him. He is an adult and you should be able to communicate with him.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #5

    Apr 12, 2015, 05:59 PM
    Mothers the world over cry "He won't talk to me on the phone!"
    It means he's busy. It means he's learning how to be an adult, not tied to his mother's apron strings. It does NOT mean that he doesn't love you, and doesn't appreciate all you have done for him.

    Parents who are paying for a child's education have a right to a certain amount of time on the phone, a quick hi and I'm OK and I love you.
    5 minutes once a week is a LOT!
    Next time you see him in person, negotiate something like that.
    Let him grow, let him go, don't drive him away.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

My adult son cannot stand to be with me [ 19 Answers ]

My husband and I are in our 70's and live 3,000 miles from our son. He is a hardworking, successful, well liked man of 40 with an adorable wife and a new baby of just 9 months. My son had some troubled years in his teens and did get into drugs. We did our best but he did not really listen to us. ...

My adult son [ 5 Answers ]

My adult son who is 21, lives home... pays rent... but won't follow a few simple rules an when I tell him if he don't like it he can move out he says" I pay rent, n recieve mail here you want me out u have to go to the court an evict me" is this true?

Adult son problems [ 2 Answers ]

My son is 30. His dad and I have been divorced for 20 years. His sister lives near me and we are very close. I think my son is jealous of this. He does contact me and I do see him. But he is 200 miles away and, over the years, the contact has actually lessened. I always feel awkward if I phone him...

My son is an adult alcoholic, what do I do [ 3 Answers ]

My son is a very smart , handsome and charismatic young man of 32 who has worked for our family business as he did not finish college and has drifted since he graduated high school. He has no girl friend but is the most friendliest guy you could meet. He has had trouble for at least 10 years and...

My adult son [ 35 Answers ]

My son is 42. I have always had a wonderful relationship with him, About 3 years ago he moved back to my state to start a business. I helped him I even worked for him and put my house up for his business.. He got rich and now he hates me. I never saw it coming. His phone is blocked and he will not...


View more questions Search