[phinkle]

I have a 16 year old son that I have had custody of, he has been ticketed and arrested 3 times in the past 4 months for drug usage and has had my now 10 year old try marijuana, I have sent him to live with Dad since this last arrest. I do not want my son to return to my home, I am afraid my younger son will be taken away from me if my son is caught with drugs again, so for my protection from being sued for something he may end up doing and taking the chance of my 10 year being taken away due to my son's actions, I would like to know if giving up my parental rights is an option in Texas.

[Synnen]

Wow.

I think you're going to get a lot of answers here that you're not going to like.

My advice is to call in social services or the police on your older son. You obviously can't parent him, and your other son does need to know that you won't accept that kind of behavior.

I don't think that you can relinquish rights just because you give up. You can get help from the state in trying to turn him around, though. I would call either social services or Child Protective Services.

As far as protecting yourself from your child's actions--i don't think that THAT is an option, either. You are responsible for your child until he turns 18.

[ScottGem]

I don't think that abandoning your son is the right move. I do think you need to enlist the help of your local children's services agency for dealing with this issue.

[excon]

Hello phinkle:

Let's see. You're rights include being able to visit and to have some say in his upbringing. If you're not going to visit or tell his dad how to raise him, then you're not going to exercise the rights you have. You don't need the court to tell you that it's OK to do that.

Of course, the dad could (and should) collect child support from you, and you can't give that up, no matter what.

So, for your OWN protection, you send your son away... Boy, am I glad I don't have a mother like you.

excon

[Fr_Chuck]

You can talk with the ex and let him file for custody, and since it appears he is willing to work with him with his problems and did not turn him out that is what should be done.

Next taking away your 10 year old, no, they don't do that if one child is getting into trouble,

As the parent, you can always be held liable for any trouble they get into basically.

I am shocked that you are not asking what we can do to help the boy, not how doyou get rid of him, and just from 4 months of problems. I would hate to see your reaction if he really got into trouble. Using Pot is not major problems it is a problem but in the realm of things teens do, he did not rob someone, did not steal from a store and a 100 other things that so many kids do.

Have you talked to the juv case workers, suggested boot camp for him, extended juv detention for him. Perhaps cousleing and drug rehab.

I can tell that only my being a minister keeps me from just going off, this has to be the worst example of a parent I have had on any of my answer boards in over 10 years.

[phinkle]

wow.

I think you're going to get a lot of answers here that you're not going to like.

My advice is to call in social services or the police on your older son. You obviously can't parent him, and your other son does need to know that you won't accept that kind of behavior.

I don't think that you can relinquish rights just because you give up. You can get help from the state in trying to turn him around, though. I would call either social services or Child Protective Services.

As far as protecting yourself from your child's actions--i dont' think that THAT is an option, either. You are responsible for your child until he turns 18.

I have done everything there is to do to parent my child, between my husband and I we have 6 kids, the 2 older were honor students and have since 24 year old, went to college, has a full-time job, a house of her own and is doing fine. The 18 year old is going to College right now and is doing fine. One of our 18 year old has chosen the drug path, and the 16 year old has followed. This suggestion is for the safety of the 10 year old and we also have a 15 year girl that is doing fine, so we are not to blame for their actions, we have raised all the kids the same, these 2 have chosen this path and everything we have tried to do has failed. Live in my house for a week and you'd understand. We kept all our children active in every sport they wanted, we coached each of children in one sport or another, we do family functions constantly, when punishment was needed we punshed, grounded, took things away. The trust is just not there anymore. We have been dealing with this stuff for 2 years now. I didn't ask for people to just, I wanted to know if it was legally responsible, believe me if I call CPS, we get punished, not the 16 & 18 year olds that have brought this to our home. We are just desperate. We've done the counseling, the calling the police oursleves, but the law make the parents pay for the choices of the older teenagers.

[phinkle]

I have done everything there is to do to parent my child, between my husband and I we have 6 kids, the 2 older were honor students and have since 24 year old, went to college, has a full-time job, a house of her own and is doing fine. The 18 year old is going to College right now and is doing fine. One of our 18 year old has chosen the drug path, and the 16 year old has followed. This suggestion is for the safety of the 10 year old and we also have a 15 year girl that is doing fine, so we are not to blame for their actions, we have raised all the kids the same, these 2 have chosen this path and everything we have tried to do has failed. Live in my house for a week and you'd understand. We kept all our children active in every sport they wanted, we coached each of children in one sport or another, we do family functions constantly, when punishment was needed we punshed, grounded, took things away. The trust is just not there anymore. We have been dealing with this stuff for 2 years now. I didn't ask for people to just, I wanted to know if it was legally responsible, believe me if I call CPS, we get punished, not the 16 & 18 year olds that have brought this to our home. We are just desperate. We've done the counseling, the calling the police oursleves, but the law make the parents pay for the choices of the older teenagers.

So now what are we supposed to do. Dad says he can fix things that I messed up, I would like to give him total responsibility from here on out. Where he can get sued if they break the law, not me.

[excon]

so we are not to blame for their actions,

Hello again, phinko:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did the soccer mom thing. I'll bet your neighbors were impressed. But, it doesn't impress me a bit. Of course, you can't be blamed - you're a wonderful parent.

Except, you're not. Wonderful parents don't do what you're doing. I agree with your ex. Hopefully he can fix what YOU messed up.

excon

[phinkle]

No, I didn't the soccer mom thing, I have coached my kids in baseball, my husband in football, and being a mom of six I have experience, I have been fired from a job of 7 years because I was called from school constantly for things these 2 sons have done, whether drugs being done at school, skipping school, yelling at teachers, etc. And I have tried it all, I even became a substitute at the schools to be closer to my kids and be at home, I had to search my house constantly for drugs, drug parafanalia, I even asked my older daughter whom was molested by one of my ex-es 18 years ago, what we did different with her and the other 18 year old, she said nothing, that we are actually so involved she didn't know how they could get away with it, we have alarms that go off if they try to sneak out, we have neighbors that watch our house and we are not a very liked family because of the things our boys did. I just can't afford to go to jail because of them, if they were younger, I could see, but we have tried to get professional help, I guess that's what's wrong about this type of web-site, it's really not to help, it's to judge people. Legal advice is what I was looking for. Do you think it's fair for the children that do what they're supposed to to maybe some day have their parents taken away from them for what their siblings have done. I thought my son was doing better and as soon as I trust him for 1/2 day at home with his 10 year old brother, the cops are called by my neighbors that are so impressed with the soccer mom and if it weren't for our college son being in town and being able to go to our house and get my 10 year old, CPS would have gotten him instead. I still love my sons and that will never change, but if I need to make a choice, I am staying alive, because of these 2, I have had a mild stroke. The 16 year old has been giving us trouble for about a year, the arrests are the only thing that has been going on for 4 months. I am not trying to pick, I'm trying to save 2 other children from the 2 that want to destroy their lives and have no concern for the others. We set my oldest son to rehab, he let himself out. We got him counseling, drug & mental, he said they just taught him new ways to try and do things. I tell my kids everyday (all of them) that I love them. We are pretty close other than the drugs. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. We used to be the house to hang out. So now we're the house to be afraid for your kids to go to. I have called the police my sons to try to teach them a lesson, I think in someways, they think it's cool, because everyone talks about them. The coaches ran them off their teams because of it, so I will let Dad try, but he failed with the older one, let's just hope he succeeds with this one. I do not want to not be their mother, I just don't want to be legally responsible for if they (which the other son has broken into 3 homes, stolen from us and anyone else) are to be sued for driving and hurting someone or ripping off a house, etc. Our lives are all upside down and in hell over this. So back off. I have not given up helping them, I try to talk to them about straightening out daily, but they have to want it bad enough, and right now they don't seem to.

[Synnen]

No... what you're not getting is that whether you get legal advice, you came to a FREE help site. I believe I offered you valid advice.

However, I very painfully relinquished my parental rights so that my child could have a better life, 15 years ago. You talk about it as a way out of a bad situation where, frankly, you SHOULD be held responsible.

You want your kids to straighten out? Put them in boot camp. Send them to military school. Ask someone in social services how to help your KIDS.

You came here asking for a way NOT to be responsible, and we're not going to give it to you. As a tax-paying citizen, *I* don't want to be responsible for your drug-doing, getting arrested kids!

I understand that you're stressed--what mother isn't?

I understand that you're trying to "save" the younger kids. That's admirable. But the kids that need saving are the older ones!

Of COURSE we're going to judge you! You didn't give us the WHOLE situation, you didn't give us details, and you came here asking for help for YOU to get out of being responsible for your kids. I don't support parents not being responsible for their kids. SOMEONE has to be!

We are trying to help... but part of that help is telling you that since they're YOUR kids, YOU are responsible for them.

[NowWhat]

I would say you need to get your 16 year old help before he gets into serious trouble. And also, if you feel your 10 year old is heading down the same path - get him help.
If you give up - it won't get better.
Try a boot camp. Or talk to your local police department and get them to help scare your kids straight.
Also, try drug counseling. Or plain counseling.
If someone gave up on you when you were in a bad place - how would you have reacted? You probably would have spiraled more out of control. And I think that is what will happen to your teens.

[phinkle]

I would say you need to get your 16 year old help before he gets into serious trouble. And also, if you feel your 10 year old is heading down the same path - get him help.
If you give up - it won't get better.
Try a boot camp. Or talk to your local police department and get them to help scare your kids straight.
Also, try drug counseling. Or plain counseling.
If someone gave up on you when you were in a bad place - how would you have reacted? You probably would have spiraled more out of control. And I think that is what will happen to your teens.

We've done all the above... I am not giving up and I still will support him, I just can't afford to get sued, which almost happened with the older one.

We've done the counseling, the scare stright program, the guilt that I'm going to lose your brother. I had assistance and no one can seem to reach these two, they say they like it and I can't change that. I've told the 16 year that believes he wants to go to gollege that he won't be able to if he doesn't strighten out, because 1. We won't be able to afford it and 2. No college is going to take someone with a record that can't even get through high school. But to no avail. Maybe living with Dad will help, maybe not, I'm still trying, again I just don't want to lose my job, my home, and everything we own over a law suit and then what will happen, we won't even have the means to help him any longer.

[NowWhat]

I can hear your frustration. I do. Have you talked to a lawyer? I mean, if you sign over custody to the dad - what are the chances of you getting sued?
And if he got arrested, what happened? Did he get sent to Juv. Hall? If he were to go there again - I would let him stay.
I would make them go through drug testing on a regular basis (I think you can get at home test).
If your youngest one is on that path - strip him of EVERYTHING. Leave nothing in his room but a mattress and box spring. Everything else should go in boxes. Make him earn his things back. Take away all privileges. That won't be fun and he won't like that. (I heard about this on Dr. Phil :) )

You should let the older one know that if he is planning on college and can't get his act together that you paying for it will never be an option - don't reward bad behavior.

I just don't know that I would give up my rights. I understand where your fear comes from. You feel like you are at the end of your rope - but you are not.

And remember, there is always Dr. Phil.

[babysaver]

Give your child's father full legal custody of the child. You could call the TX Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-252-5400 and tell them that you want to refuse to accept parental responsibility for your 16 year old but since he is with his dad there won't be a lot they can do. If dad does try to send him back to you and you can call the hotline to let them know you refusing to accept parental responsibility for your 16 y o. We will not automatically take your other children but we will step in to offer services to your family. Your anger towards the 16 y o does need to be addressed. You seem to have a lot of anger towards him which is understandable.

Does the dad know you want to give up your parental responsibility?

[Synnen]

Since this thread is THREE YEARS OLD, I doubt the original poster will come back for your advice.

Please watch dates when responding.

Thread closed.