[broken_ heart]

Hi Friends..

Its in continuation to my all previous threads... the same guy.. I was involved with... thanx to all of you.. for helping me out for so long... after making so many mistakes... finally its almost 9 successful months on NC... things have started to get clear a bit now... living a normal life.. what brought me here a strange act of his... may be I'm thinking too much... still.. let me share.. while we were on NC... we hadn't blocked each other on chats... but there was complete silence from both sides.. 2-3 times he tried to talk... but when he didn't receive any response.. he also became silent.. it was routine like.. he was online.. I was online.. but both were silent.. then few days back... he suddenly blocked me... I noticed it.. but remain silent.. two days later he removed me... I m still silent.. and normal... but in my mind.. something is tingling.. we both haven't speak to each other from months... then why all of a sudden he blocked me.. and then removed me.. if he wanted to do this.. why he didn't do it earlier... and if he wanted to remove me.. why he blocked me first.. waited for two days.. then removed.. why not he just simply removed me or blocked me on same day.. its just a normal curiosity in my mind.. want to understand his behaviour... please don't say I shouldn't be thinking all this.. I'm absolutely fine..

[joypulv]

Nothing at all 'strange' of him to block/unblock. First you say 'maybe I'm thinking too much' and then you say 'don't say I shouldn't be thinking all this.'
You are thinking too much.
I'm on Facebook a lot. People block and unblock all the time. A fight, a break up, a disagreement over politics or religion, who knows?
In the case of break ups, it usually just means that one person is wondering if it's time to be just friends, or ask a quick 'how are you,' or will it open old wounds or lead to something.
It's natural to want the other person to see how well you are doing and to see how you are doing.
LET
IT
GO

[talaniman]

You are overthinking this, and making it a bigger issue than what it is. Last year I told you to block and remove him from any kind of contact just because we human always dwell and look for reasons to explain what we don't know.

This whole thing is brought about by you still being able to see what he is doing online, and therefore violates the NC rule, so of course you wonder what he is thinking. Were you in TRUE NC you would not be confused by his actions because you wouldn't know them.

Let this be a warning for you to follow TRUE NC, and have him blocked, and removed as you should have been 9 months ago. Then you can be better at letting him go as Joy suggested. Take heart though since it has been 9 months, and maybe it will take longer not to get carried away by your own curiosity about what's on his mind and look for reasons to his action. They obviously still matter and you are still paying attention to him.

Bottom line is you have not reached that point you don't care what he does, and are blowing this small online passive contact, way out of proportion, since logically you can't read his mind, and neither can a stranger. Ex couples play this mindless game all the time and stay confused until they fully embrace TRUE NC, and stop using the net to keep tabs on each other.

Before the internet, the game was played across the room, and through mutual friends, keeping old feelings alive, and exaggerated for the other to notice, and stay on each others minds, if only just a little bit. The fact you both are on the same chat and are aware of the other bears this out. Its still PASSIVE contact, and a breaking of the NC rule.

End this, and end the confusion, so you can completely begin to let go. Make sense?

[Oliver2011]

Agree with both, especially the "LET IT GO" part. After 9 months of semi moving forward why should you be tracking him? This is having somewhat of a control over you and until you are determined to finally give him up completely, you won't fully be free. I didn't go back and read what happened between you two and after 9 months I really don't care. Move on and enjoy life one moment at a time.

[broken_ heart]

Thanks to you all... I never realized this.. that I'm breaking the NC... its true I haven't seen him.. heard him from 9 months.. no chat.. no messages.. nothing at all... but looking him in my list and online.. was like a kind of relief.. we promised each other the time we were together.. that no matter what will happen in future.. we both will remain friends... only friends.. we talk or not.. we be in touch or not... in our heart.. our friendship will be there... and today... after 9 months.. what I can say.. may be I did mistake.. I still need to work more on this... in today's scenario... I m living a normal life... without his physical presence... but I would say.. he is in my mind.. my heart all the time... I haven't dated anyone in these months.. nor I'm thinking.. it gives me a feeling like it would be cheating over him.. which I can't... yes Tal.. his action and him.. they still matter to me.. but I have accepted that we can't be together in this life... and what I couldn't do this in these months.. he did it now... he removed me.. so the connection is broken... :) I will never let me feel low on this...

[Jiser]

What helps me is literally staying busy all the time! I'm struggling to be alone with myself. I hate it!

But make as many plans as possible and stick to NC! :)

If it makes you feel better I am friendly with an old ex girlfriend from over two years ago now. We reconnected recently. I have no feelings at all with her. Its merely a friendly thing. Its nice to have that now.

[broken_ heart]

I don't think.. staying in touch with him on friendly basis is possible for me.. may be after 10-20 years.. it would be.. when feelings subside.. but not now.. I have given up all the expectations from him... I have thought about my feelings.. after starting this thread here... my heart says.. its still not over... I need more of time to... forget him completely.. but as of now.. it seems impossible.. but I have courage... I spent 9 months without him... and I never cried during this period... still have feelings for him... but I'm taking it as dream.. which can't be fulfilled...

[Oliver2011]

Wow. I am completely foreign to the thought of allowing one or any person to have this much control over me. I learned a long time ago to control what I can and give up control of the things and people (which is everyone) that I can't control. It makes life so much happier when you realize that you are in control of how you feel and react to everything and everyone. Example is you can't control that he deleted you from social media but you do control how you react to that. Given the choice I much rather be happy than sad or fill my time with self pity.

It's not easy at first. You have to train your brain to not react negatively. As mentioned before by someone, filling your time with activities and fun stuff that you like to do helps a ton.

You said it may take another 10 to 20 years to get over him. It doesn't have to and only you control that. I don't allow any one person to control a minute of how I choose to feel let alone 10 to 20 years.

[broken_ heart]

Understood what you tried to convey to me.. will try doing it.. in fact have started already.. thanx..

[talaniman]

Your happiness is not dependent on being friends with him.

[broken_ heart]

Hi..
In the end of May.. I received a call from an unknown no.. and it was him.. I had nothing to say.. so I just hanged it up.. later he texted me with many messages saying only and only want to be friends with him.. and because I was going fine without him.. I took it like OK.. I doesn't harm me in anyway.. and I accepted.. things were great.. I was not receiving much texts now.. no calls.. no worries.. but was feeling good inside.. that things have gone this way... he chatted with me.. in a 2-3 days gaps.. short ones... just hi and hello types... and by last week... we ended up having sex chat... yes... sex chat... how it happened is still making me wondering.. but it happened.. and he was like happy kind of.. once the chat was done.. he left for his home... and for next couple of days.. we didn't chat.. and then one more same kind of chat... and then he disappeared.. its not I'm not getting the things.. im not even crying.. senti or something.. the kind of relationship we had.. looking at that.. this chat is nothing... but still... I never wanted this.. or may it's the way going to from where I left... and this time with more of restrictions.. conditions.. I don't want to be the one... I know what needs to be done.. but how is the question.. should I simply disappear or make him clear that its not what I'm looking for... will that be rude.. if it is.. should I care.. I don't know.. one thing is clear.. I don't want to be in incomplete relationship but yes being honest here... I do liked what we shared ( chat)... it made smile... his charm still works on me.. is that a cause of worry.. or should I take it as a passing by thing.. how to take this.. or to leave this...having mixed emotions right now..i m liking it at heart..but my mind says no..its going to hurt me again..it has no future...

[talaniman]

If you keep breaking the No Contact rule you will be sucked back into the world of doubt, and distraction. It's never rude to avoid people, places, or things that cause you such confusion, or say NO to them. So stop allowing him to keep the door open since you have no clue how this is happening. I do, you keep in contact with him and those sometimes text messages have become sex chat and you allow him to come back for more whenever he wants to.

Close the door to him by doing NC properly, and end this confusion, and sex chat buddy friendship.

[broken_ heart]

Ok.. so should tell him that I'm going to end this and go.. or should I move without letting him know about this?

[talaniman]

I would just disappear, and make yourself unavailable, or simply tell him to leave you alone because you are NOT his chat sex friend and will never ever be again.

That never was a healthy way to be friends in the first place. I thought you knew that.

[broken_ heart]

Understood.. thanx a ton.will update u soon.

[broken_ heart]

Hii.. im working on not talking to him.. but I want to share what all is going in me... I want to be honest.. bcuz only then.. I wl get right advice.. he is on my mind all the time.. praying and wishing that one day he will b mine.. and at the same time upset because I know it very well that it won't happen... along with this.. I feel to make love to him.. his thoughts are there all the time.. but I'm stopping myself because I know its not right.. im struggling with my own feelings.. and one thing I do want to share.. the last we met.. almost a year back.. he forced himself on me.. ws trying to get.. he ddnt succeeded.. but I got injured.. and all this time when I was not talking to him.. I was under medical treatment to get fine.. still the treatment is on.. and when I told him about the same now... he was like okay.. strange.. sort of expressions he gave... I have never been with any other guy in my life.. for me.. he was the man I came in contact.. lot has happened... I was 22 when I met him and felt love for him.. and this year I will b turning 32.. and during this period... he was the one... I always wanted... I will go on NC with him.. but its not helping me at all... im not able to throw him out of my mind and my heart... till today.. he is the one.. whose thoughts came to my mind when I wake up in morning or when I go to sleep... everything I do... I feel him around me... I need to work hard on myself.. and I'm failing all the time... I know he doesn't love me... I know now... and he want to have me for sex only.. he is not at all bothered.. I die or I live.. im happy or unhappy...he always came in my way.. whenever.. I tried to move on... he knows my feelings very well and have always taken advantage of them...but one thing i gained during this one year of NC..true i havent forgotten him..my feelings havent changed..but still i m able to live normally when he is not with me..i m not much bothered....sometimes i feel like ... i hate him for what he has done to me...sometimes i feel miserable..cuz i couldnt get my love...sometimes..i ok...all right things came to mind...but whats happening these days from the day i spoke to him..and get into the chat...i mentioned in my previous post...i m feeling like to just be in his arms and do all that...sh*t...i m not able to control these thoughts...which are a cause of worry for me...and also its a kind of surprise for me..i never felt like this before...i wish to ...god ...how could i..but this is the truth...wat to do to get this feeling out...right now..more than him...these feelings are my concern...why im feeling to get lost in him..when he did nothing good to me..never..he is not good for me....no.......feeling better to speak my heart out...hope get a solution to come over this soon...
i dont want this to happen...but i dont know how long i would be able to fight my own feelings..it will be a mess..a huge one..and i will be the sufferer ...

[broken_ heart]

I have no one Tal.. with whom I can share all.. wat I have shared here... please help me bring my life back on track...

[talaniman]

I know how difficult it can be when you are alone with your own thoughts that bring those old feelings back. You run around all day and feel so involved and normal, but the nights are so filled with just you. I have been there several times and rather than lay there I got a whole list of things to do to occupy that time. Mostly plans for the day that stretch my physical limits and brought sleep at night just from being tired.

Keep a journal for all your thoughts and feelings to vent and review them later, and above all don't isolate yourself, engage with the people around you and touch old friends, be helpful to others, and make sure you walk in the sun, window shop, plan. Don't hope you are getting your life on track, KNOW that you are, and in time you will. In these small ways you begin to build a life that you enjoy without him. Let those normal times encourage you to find ways to be normal all the time, with the small things that make you focus.

Nobody says NC is easy, it's not supposed to be. It's an exercise you practice everyday, and build to a healthy success, by not giving up on yourself. Read some of the post here and engage yourself with others. It's been known to put you to sleep :D

[broken_ heart]

Hey... I m back here with an update.. this time.. I m not feeling sad.. or something.. but still concerned.. after all its my life.. after what you advised me to do.. I tried on with failures.. we had sex video chats.. sexting.. sharing adult stuff... I would say.. it was all on internet.. no real meeting till now.. although he told me to meet.. but somehow.. we didn't.. with every chat I was having with me.. was making me aware of my place in his life.. he left without even saying bye.. once he was done.. it was bs.. talked to me during day times.. not all day.. but along with his work... a little bit.. but I kept control on myself not to call him... text him or anything.. and tried to avoid all this.. its more than a month now... all this going on... a week ago... we had chat late night.. same kind of.. next morning.. he was cool... but then he disappeared... 3-4 days passed... I haven't seen him.. heard him or anything.. I didn't text him to know how he is doing.. I wanted to but I didn't.. was feeling like something is not right.. still I waited for him to come.. and tell me what it was all about and today the day came.. I saw him online.. I simply asked him.. where he was.. I was worried.. is everything OK.. and mine saying this.. he started fighting me.. saying I'm irritating.. he has his family.. he doesn't want me to worry about him.. he don't like all this bull.. and blah blah... and then he said he need break from me.. and that he don't know when he will be able to talk to me... to which I replied... take it.. its there.. after all this episode.. I m kind of relieved... he did it... I am not sad... infact I'm sort of happy that I got relieved from an unhealthy relationship.. in my opinion these kind of relationships are like.. once you are in.. its difficult to move out.. so was it for me.. but before going he tried to kept his door open.. after having so much discussion over here.. im now able to understand the tactics a bit... dont know whether I acted right or wrong.. but yes being there was absolutely wrong and I was feeling it since long.. but being slave to my heart.. I was not able to move out.. whats coming next.. I m not sure... I told him that I will be his friend always.. we have shared many good and bad times... but really don't want to get into this bs again.. you know what makes me weak is.. I try a lot but I couldn't resist his presence.. I never wanted to get involved with him like that... just clean friendship.. but have understood it now.. with him... its impossible... sooner or later it will happen.. I want to do something good for myself... someone please tell me how to control these feelings... I m out and don't want to get in again.. and I know he will be back... guide me please..

[Oliver2011]

Oy vey!