[J_9]

Do your in-laws live in their own home? Near you? Is she capable of living alone, can take care of herself, cook, shop, etc.? And the special-needs son lives there, too? Can he help her with stuff? And does he give her a reason to keep living? (My mom just turned 92 and, even though she was very dependent on my dad, has outlived him by 15 years with family help.)

They do own their own home relatively close to us. She is very capable of taking care of herself as she is still working for the court system as a CASA. She is extremely active in the community.

Scott does live there as well. He is handy when he is pushed to get a job done, he can mow the grass and some simple fixes. Oh, and he does work a full time job.

He he knows his time is here as he has already contacted the VFW to set up a military funeral (he fought in Korea) when the time comes. He's even contacted the funeral home and pre-paid for his cremation.

90% of the time he is of sound mind, but his body is broken. He is septic now, his kidneys are shutting down a little more each day. He hasn't been out of bed at all since about December or January. He cannot feed himself and has lost almost 100 pounds.

It's the end, we all know it is coming, it's just the waiting is the hardest part.

The he belongings have been divided between the family and he wants them out of the house before hospice brings him home on Thursday.

[Wondergirl]

MIL might surprise everyone and stick around. Scott might be a good reason to, plus she sounds involved with people and life.

Once FIL passes, be sure to find ways to celebrate his life. We planted a pretty tree near our parents' house and in my dad's memory; we all pitched in to write a book that included photos, drawings, and each family member's memories of him (and we each got a copy); we to this day talk about him frequently--remembering funny things he did, his love for golf and Reader's Digest, our childhood memories of him teaching us gardening and board games and softball and croquet and handling guns intelligently and helping him fold the Sunday bulletin. He's still very much alive in our thoughts and conversations.

[DoulaLC]

Sorry to hear that your family is going through this rough time. I hope she surprises every one and continues to remain reasonably healthy and stays active. I lost my mom last year. At the end, she too had hospice care in the home for the last several days. My dad is 86 and doing pretty well, after a few health concerns of his own. He and one of my brothers even go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week for a little exercise, and he is hoping to get back to a bit of golfing this summer.

I think it helps tremendously to have the time to prepare. The pain and sense of loss remain, but you have the opportunity to say what you want... to share laughs, tears, etc. with family around.
Prayers for comfort for your family J_9, and especially for your FIL, peace of mind and soul. I hope, in time, you all will find comfort in how things transpire, given the situation.

[J_9]

Thanks ladies. We will see how this all plays out. Hopefully she will be ready to get back into her typical busy life when this is all over. Unfortunately she is not all that healthy herself. She has battled an eating disorder all of her life, it's just getting worse with all this stress.

Doula, I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like your father has handled it very well.