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ahorner2 · Jan 21, 2015, 09:35 PM

My 8 year old daughter won't eat. I have tried sending her to bed without eating but I also feel bad as a parent, I have tried rewarding her if she does eat but if she doesn't like it she just won't eat. She is pretty thin and I am getting worried, what should I do? Please help I will take any advice!

Wondergirl · Jan 21, 2015, 09:58 PM

What does she like to eat? Has she helped you make foods in the kitchen? She's old enough to shell peas and break up lettuce for a salad, etc. That plus a family garden helped my boys eat vegetables and be willing to try new foods. Do you take her grocery shopping, and even have her help you make up a list before you go? You want to get her invested in what good food is and not have an issue with eating.

ahorner2 · Jan 21, 2015, 10:04 PM

There are certain foods she will eat, but absolutely no vegetables. She said if she doesn't like it she won't eat it. She will eat mostly fried foods so we me and my husband have even tried changing our eating habbits. I took her to see her pediatrician and they wwnt her to see a gi doctor because she is only 47lbs but I know this is her being stubborn. She told the doctor she doesn't eat things she doesn't like but she wouldn't mind eating fast food or pizza... I have 4 kids total and don't have this problem with the other 3.

Wondergirl · Jan 21, 2015, 10:18 PM

What if you stopped arguing with her? Serve the food and let her eat what she will. What about meat or fruits?

It sounds like she's in a power play with you.

ahorner2 · Jan 21, 2015, 10:44 PM

She will eat fruit no problem, and meat only if it is cooked the way she likes.

Wondergirl · Jan 22, 2015, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by ahorner2

She will eat fruit no problem, and meat only if it is cooked the way she likes.

Maybe make a list with her or have her make a list. No, we don't want her to run the kitchen and write the menu, so then add your ideas to her food list/menus. Are the meats she will eat simple enough to make? Are there variations on them that she will eat? For instance, my husband wanted only ground beef (hamburgers and spaghetti) and maybe other beef cuts when we were first married. He found out meatloaf was made with ground beef, so we added that. The same with chili and Swedish meatballs and porcupines (ground beef/rice balls). Then I got wild and crazy and added pork entrees. He still doesn't like chicken but eats turkey. Forget tuna and most other fish/shellfish, except for fried shrimp.

My point is to happily work with your daughter on meal making and foods to eat. Don't turn eating into a battleground. If she has digestive problems or throws up after meals or something else affects her health, for sure consult with her doctor.

Do you have baggies of cut-up veggies in the frig, maybe with a nutritious dip? That's what my kids liked to eat after school. One of my neighbors made zucchini bread and carrot cake and other desserts that have vegetables in them so her four kids would get them even in desserts.

dontknownuthin · Jan 22, 2015, 05:22 PM

I agree this is about control. She knows mom wants her to eat, so this refusal by her is ust a power play. I would see a child psychologist for advise.

Make sure you demonstrate you will not be manipulated but will be reasonable. If her favorite foods are burgers and pizza, incorporate them into your weekly menu but make them at home and expect her to help considerably. Do not give in to fast food options at all. As your reason tell her, "that is fine on occasion for people who generally eat healthy Including all the food groups and not too much junk, but you refuse so I am not buying junk food for you at all. If you are going to eat so little, it all has to count for good nutrition. If you want that sometimes, then you have to eat what is served without any faces, complaints or any other rude behaviors the rest is of the time. No prizes. No promises or bribes. If she tries to get you into some fast food deal, refuse and tell her you are the parent and are running the kitchen and the family budget.

i also think it is ok to call her out. "you are using food to try to control me and the family. I'm not discussing it any more."

Alty · Jan 22, 2015, 06:07 PM

I agree that it's about control as well. Frankly I don't cotton to cooking separate meals for each child just so they'll eat. If she has no allergies, then this is just being stubborn.

Cook for the majority of the family, that's what I do. If 3 people want spaghetti but one doesn't, than that one just doesn't eat.

Sooner or later, when she realizes that she can't get her way, she'll be hungry enough to eat whatever you cook.

There are also many recipes that you can try that hide vegetables in the meal. There's a cookbook by Company's Coming, for kids. It's actually the only cookbook in that series that I like. There's no bean chili with tons of vegetables hidden in. My kids never even noticed that they were eating carrots, and corn, and green beans. Maybe trying recipes that hide the good foods you want her to eat, is the way to go. Even pizza can be made healthy.

tickle · Jan 22, 2015, 06:29 PM

Guys, all of your suggestions and ideas are stellar. Another good example of a question gone dead. I guess the OP wasn't serious enough to find out why.

Alty · Jan 22, 2015, 06:50 PM

Tickle, it's been a day since she posted the original question. She has kids, she can't be on the computer 24/7, none of us can. Just because she didn't instantly reply to the posts doesn't mean that this thread is dead, or that the OP wasn't serious about the question.

This is a good way to make people not want to come back for more advice. Just like we ask for them to be patient because we volunteer and can't be here 24/7, we should also be patient when giving advice and waiting for the poster to respond to that advice.

hheath541 · Jan 22, 2015, 09:06 PM

I'm with Alty, find ways to hide healthy foods in the things she'll eat. You can add finely ground/mashed veggies to just about anything.

I made lunch for a teenage boy who was an extremely picky eater. I fed him veggie burgers for more than a week before I told him they weren't beef. He hadn't noticed, and actually thought they tasted better.

There are recipes for hiding things like zucchini and carrots in brownies and cake.

Chili is really easy to make. You can prepare the ingredients, making sure to include plenty of veggies and very little meat, the night before. Throw it in a crock pot in the morning, and it'll basically cook itself. If she won't eat just chili, use it as a topping for baked french fries, tater tots, veggie or chicken hot dogs, pasta, or any number of other things.

There are lines of meat substitute foods made entirely from veggies. You can find burgers, fake chicken patties and nuggets, breakfast sausage, and even ground 'meats' for use in things like chili and tacos. You can find them in the vegetarian section of the freezer aisle. They taste like meat, and sometimes even better. If you don't tell her, she may never notice the difference.

She's using food as a way to control you. You need to stop letting her. Legally, you have to provide her with food. You're doing that. You should not need to cook an entire meal just for her, just because she wants to get her way. You can find healthier ways to make the foods she will eat, but you shouldn't give into her demands and let her eat nothing but crap. A certain amount of pickiness is normal at her age, but what you're describing seems to go beyond that.

As a side note, is it possible she has autism or OCD? Both conditions, and probably a few others, can cause extremely picky eating habits. There is a small possibility there is a psychological condition controlling her actions. A child psychologist would be able to tell you. Even if there isn't, they may be able to offer suggestions on how to correct her manipulative behavior.

pawan121 · Jan 22, 2015, 11:20 PM

I think you should take him to the doctor,some medical treatment will be helpful for her.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 23, 2015, 02:07 AM

You stop letting her eat just what she wants, she only gets the veggies or she does not eat. It is tough, sorry, I would have done a swat to the rear also, if any of my kids tried that sort of thing. If it was just one or two veggie items, but sorry, make it, and let her eat it, when she starts getting hungry, if she is not sneaking food, she will eat

tickle · Jan 23, 2015, 06:51 AM

Alty, okay bad choice of words, but this happens all the time the way I see it. We all give pages of,good advice and OP doesn't return.

My comments are not going to change anything here, that is not human nature to do so.

talaniman · Jan 23, 2015, 08:07 AM

I don't think it at all unusual for the youngest sibling to be more rebellious, or act differently than older siblings. Its normal and challenging, and not only is it a control issue, but a way to get attention albeit negative attention.

I think the suggestions to involve her more in the family dynamic process and make her feel she is contributing is a good one and being creative with your approach is a great idea,

I made lunch for a teenage boy who was an extremely picky eater. I fed him veggie burgers for more than a week before I told him they weren't beef. He hadn't noticed, and actually thought they tasted better.

The trick is to balance and show love and maintain discipline, as I think this is more about attention than control, its clearly manipulation. Also discreetly look deeper at what this child is doing when you are not around and with who her little friends are at school and play. Children often reveal more when they think you aren't looking, because they do hide things from us parents.

She may well be emulating the behavior of someone else's half raised brat and thats something you need to know, as well as if she does indeed have an appetite ruining stash somewhere. Many things to find out about your own child just to eliminate and get to the root cause of their behavior and thinking and modify it with some loving firm guidance.

Being smarter than a 5th grader is NO JOKE.

Alty · Jan 23, 2015, 04:11 PM

I couldn't agree more with the posts above. Especially love Heath's post, couldn't rep more than once, and have to spread the love Tal, so you get nothing. ;)

I do want to add that eating shouldn't be a punishment. If you make it a struggle she may well end up with issues the rest of her life. Eating should be about getting nutrition, enjoying a meal, and that's it. If it's a constant fight that's negative, young children will quickly learn that negative things aren't fun. It's why we give time outs for bad behavior, or ground them, or take away favorite toys. If you're consistent with that, it works. If you're constantly fighting at meals to get her to eat, it will work the opposite way than intended.

Let her get involved in meal making, make it fun, make trying new things fun as well. My kids are extremely picky eaters. They're now 16 and 12, and the 16 year old has now learned that you should try everything at least once before you say you hate it. The 12 year old is still picky. So we make it fun, "I bet that you won't try that asparagus. I bet you a dollar!"

No, you shouldn't have to pay your kids to eat, but sometimes a little incentive will get them to try things they normally wouldn't, and I have to say, I no longer have to pay my 12 year old to eat asparagus, now I have to stop her before she takes all of it and there's none left for the rest of us.

Wondergirl · Jan 23, 2015, 04:36 PM

My parents, especially my dad, played word games with us at the dinner table -- "I see something on this table that starts with (a letter of the alphabet)." My dad had challenged us, after easy ones, with C -- for condensation. The winner gets to pick the next letter. This made mealtime fun and not a war over eating.