[AkonMichael]

My Mother gives me things, I have a TV and an iPad and food and as well I big house for all I am very grateful for. I understand that we might lose the house and she works very hard but I am treated like trash in my house. She verbal abuses me everyday and some cases physically. I am called a dumbass, retard, little , basically anything you can think of she has said to me on a regular basis. There was one occasion she threw a stack of around 7 textbooks directly at me bruising parts of my body. I cant live withmy father because he cant support himself as it is and he would rather go to a bar and get drunk than be with me. My mother doesn't allow me to finish my work and when I tell her my school is more important than lets say the garbage she tells me I'm a disrespectful little who doesn't deserve anything. I'm failing my classes because I'm forced to come home and I have no secure place to do my work, all my teachers think I'm lazy and a slacker and no seems to believe me.. I cant see how hard it is for an adult to listen to a child and take there thoughts and feelings into consideration my life consists of everyone telling me I'm wrong. Im trying to get into a good university but I know my grades are to low and my mother tells me because I'm a stupid little child that I cant come up with a solution to my problems.. I think its time that she realized the way she treats me is not disciplining its abuse, I have no confidence in myself, my mother is so rude I refuse to bring my GF to my house because I'm afraid I will be judged, my best firnds haven't been to my house in over 4 mnths because the same reason.. I have given this idea lots of thought and for my situation foster care is the way I want to go. I want to be with my girlfriend for the rest of my life, I have dreams like any other kid but the sad fact of life is that sometimes your dreams don't come true and I know life isn't fair but life isn't abusive and it isn't supposed to destroy your feelings.. is their any solution to my problem

[Alty]

The only way to get into the foster care system is to have you taken out of the home. If your mother is abusive then you call CPS and report her. They will come to the home, investigate, and if they find that you're in danger they'll remove you and place you in foster care.

Foster care isn't fun. Most foster care homes have many foster kids. You run the risk of being sexually abused by the older kids or the foster parents themselves, most are in it for the money, not to help kids. If you think studying is hard now, it will be even harder in a house full of kids. You may not be able to stay in the school you're in now, and seeing your girlfriend will be difficult if not impossible. It all depends on who is able and willing to take you, and where they live.

How old are you?

[AkonMichael]

Im 14 so I understand that most people will say I don't truly understand what love is and I'm 2 yound to understand but I want to be with my girlfiend and make her happy more than anything that's what I truly want and I understand it will be hard in foster care but I need this disconnection from my family

[Wondergirl]

This just started four months or so ago? What about going to a family counselor and deal with the problems at home rather than have all sorts of trouble in a foster-care situation? And, like Alty said, you'll have to report abuse to an adult at school so CPS gets involved.

[AkonMichael]

This just started four months or so ago? What about going to a family counselor and deal with the problems at home rather than have all sorts of trouble in a foster-care situation? And, like Alty said, you'll have to report abuse to an adult at school so CPS gets involved.

It has being going on for more than four months, the problem is I'm to connected with my friends and my girlfriend.. I would rather still be with my girlfriend and see her face everyday than to leave and never see her again.. I would rather be abused just to see her for 30 minutes I cant let her go she is the only thing keeping me going.. I just couldn't bear losing her and I have talked to her about the chance of me never seeing her again and she just won't let me go and I couldn't bear with the fact that it would hurt her.. and I have moved around way too much and I lose my friends all the time and I finally found a batch of friends I would like to keep for the rest of my life and I don't want to lose that either

[Alty]

So your girlfriend loves you so much that she would rather you stay in an abusive home than leave, because "she just won't let you go", and you'd rather put up with the abuse because your girlfriend would be hurt if you had to go?

There are other ways of staying in touch than seeing each other day to day.

Kiddo, if you're being abused, if you're in a situation that's not safe for you, the priority is to get you safe. If these friends care about you, if this girlfriend cares about you, that should be their only concern, even if it means not being able to see you all the time.

You're 14, so in grade 9? Is there a counselor at your school? If so, talk to him/her, tell them what's going on at home, let them decide if CPS should get involved, and then let it go from there.

Where do you live? I don't mean you address, but what country? Are you in the US, or somewhere else?

[Alty]

I want to add, you may think I'm being harsh, or mean, but that's not my intention. I just know that this won't be an easy row to hoe. Getting CPS involved doesn't mean that you'll be taken from the home. They only intervene if they see something that warrants removing a child from the home, and 99% of the time they don't see what's really going on.

If they do remove you it means foster care, and that's not easy either You could count on one hand the number of actually caring loving foster parents out there. Most (from what I've learned and I'll post how I learned it if you want) are in it for the money, take in as many kids as they're legally allowed to, and those kids are usually worse off in that home than they were in their home.

I want to help you, I believe you, but the options that are available to you are pretty much staying where you are and suffering, or suffering somewhere else, unless you get really lucky. I don't like those options for you.

[Wondergirl]

What about family counseling?

[Alty]

That's a great suggestion WG, and one I strongly suggest. Sadly, based on what Akon posted, I'm not sure that's on option. Mother is abusive according to Akon, and father is an alcoholic that's not really in his life. For counseling to work all participants have to agree, and based on what Akon posted, I can't see that happening. :(

[Wondergirl]

Then he should go to his school counselor who will take it from there. If CPS is called in, they undoubtedly will push for counseling before any children are removed from the home.

[hheath541]

You said you have an iPad. Start keeping it with you at all times. Find an app that discretely records audio, if you don't already have one. Something that you can quickly turn on and off with the minimal number of clicking, and that covers as little of the screen as possible while it's running, is best.

This app might actually be a good choice for you: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/aspi...733163167?mt=8

Whenever she starts verbally abusing you, start recording. Email the recordings to yourself, so they won't be lost if something happens to the device. Take pictures and write down details of any physical marks she leaves on you, and email them to yourself. When you think you have enough evidence, contact the authorities.

In the US, they are required to send someone to check on every report. However, verbal abuse is very hard to prove during a simple home visit, so you need all the files you collect to prove what's going on. They are not allowed to say who made a report, or even many details about what was reported, so you don't have to worry about your mom finding out you reported her. The social worker will probably ask to talk to you alone. Get a business card, or something with an email, and forward all the files to them.

Now, you should be aware of some ugly truths about foster care. There's a very good chance you will not stay in the same city. Depending on where you are placed, you may not have access to internet devices, to stay in contact with people. Verbal abuse may not end just because you're in a new place. A lot of foster homes are extremely religious, and will place extremely strict limitations on every aspect of your life. There's a chance you may end up somewhere that does home or internet schooling, which sometimes limits college options. You age out of foster care on your 18th birthday, which might mean being suddenly kicked out of whatever home you were in.

Now, the good things about foster care. You will have at least one social worker assigned to you. That social worker will help you make a plan on how you'll support yourself when you're 18, so you won't be totally unprepared. Just being away from your mother may be a enough to balance the bad things. You're old enough that your opinion on things will be taken into consideration when decisions are made about your life. If you don't like a foster situation, you can say so, and they will try to find a new placement. A lot of foster homes would love a child you wants to do schoolwork. There is a very good chance you would get counseling to help you through everything your mother's put you through.

From what you've said, you are in a toxic and damaging situation. You need to get out. Friendships and relationships should not and cannot come before your mental and physical safety. Anyone who would rather you stay, just to be near them, does not have your best interests in mind. Any friendship or relationship that truly matters will survive a bit of distance, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. Right now, though, you need to think about your own well being, before worrying about anything else. You have to protect yourself.

[Alty]

Bravo Heath! Bravo! Not being technology savvy myself I never would have thought of this, and I really appreciate you chiming in and giving the poster this option. Truly great idea, and great advice. Wish I could rep you more than once.

[Kezzy5]

Family confrencing can be a good root to take, where you can make new actions to improve the future and have instructions to follow for example having tea at this time with your family. It can improve things at home in which you can make things at home happier for you. But there still a chance it may not work, or what about online counsling with kooth they are very good and you can talk about your worries and let out your frustration.