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    safeervisas's Avatar
    safeervisas Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 26, 2014, 11:21 PM
    Wife chatting with my friend
    Hi, I married 7 years ago. Me and my wife are like close friends... my wife got severe migraine and depression as well and she is taking medications for last 2 years.
    She is using Facebook from last year only. Slowly slowly she gathered some friends and she got some best friends in FB now.

    My best friend is living in Middle East and he is now my wife's friend in Facebook.. my wife is very religious but she is chatting everyday with my best friend... he also married and got 2 kids.. Usually my wife is asking me to check some messages from friends and all.. for last 4 weeks time , she never tell me to touch her phone or check mails or message in fb... but I know she chat with him.. Wife told me that she is chatting with my best friend, but he did not tell me that... now she is sending pics of our kids and some other pics for him since he plans to come to my country by early next year and he wanted to buy a car.. so I took some car pics to send my friend, but before that my wife has sent to him.. but he did not tell me that she has already sent the pics to hi,. Hmm at the moment I am confusing.. anyone can help me to know what the hell is going on there?


    Luck0rN0t's Avatar
    Luck0rN0t Posts: 263, Reputation: 45
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    #2

    Oct 27, 2014, 01:04 AM
    Me and my wife are like close friends
    What do you mean by this? Are you and your wife just like close friends or are you like a married couple, like husband and wife?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Oct 27, 2014, 04:36 AM
    So, great, people need friends, and it is OK, for men and women to be good friends.

    Why do you feel anything wrong with this?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #4

    Oct 27, 2014, 05:43 AM
    I would be suspicious too. The only 'friendship' she is hiding is the one with your best friend. Plus she is secretive about the relationship, by not sharing information. It is your best friend, after all.

    Your friend is not telling you that he is chatting with your wife, or that she sent information to him about cars.

    And I think you mean by "me and my wife are like close friends", that you have become distant, and there are other changes in your relationship. She seems different as all people do, when they are lying or withholding information.

    What has happened is she has a friendship with your best friend, and neither of them are honest about just how close they have become.

    I don't think you're crazy or imagining things, this sort of thing happens all the time it seems.

    I think it is, at the least, inappropriate for her to have an online relationship with any man. She's married! And, I think it is fair and reasonable for you to tell the both, that you are uncomfortable with them spending so much online time together. That is where I would start.

    Be upfront and honest with both of them, with the expectation that they will be honest as well. I don't think honesty from both your wife, and your best friend is unreasonable to expect.
    safeervisas's Avatar
    safeervisas Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Oct 29, 2014, 01:14 AM
    Thank you Jake and guys,. I also found yesterday they chatting each other 2 nights ago and about little sex stuffs... and he is was keep telling her Not to tell your husband.And she has relied "No I don't tell him caz this is personal" and also she is mentioning him " with clean heart you can talk to me anything" I don't understand what it means??
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    Oct 29, 2014, 02:42 AM
    Is best friend having trouble with girlfriend and wants a women opinion.

    How about asking your best friend about it ? How about asking your wife and telling her, that it is bothing you
    safeervisas's Avatar
    safeervisas Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Oct 29, 2014, 02:49 AM
    Thanks Chuck... Yes I am just waiting to confirm 100%, look s like something going little wrong, she is telling me what she chat with him, but she is not telling the messages he asked her Not to tell me... I am feeling like she should have told me the truth and what's exactly he is chatting without hiding anything...
    1bluesky's Avatar
    1bluesky Posts: 48, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Nov 8, 2014, 09:48 PM
    The advise here is very simple: Talk to your wife first. ALL about this... whatever you asked us, asked her... and more. Till it is clear to you.

    Then if you completely exhausted this option, and you still are confused, come here.
    Till then, enjoy the life, man!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Nov 9, 2014, 09:27 AM
    I would ask my wife for clarity about this, without being jealous, angry, judgemental, or confrontational. I mean, the problem isn't with her friends, I don't think, but you and your wife not being able to discuss your concerns openly.

    Me, I stay off my wife's Facebook, out of her personal relationships (unless she asks for it) with friend, family, male, or female, and give her full reign to handle her own business her way. But if I don't understand something, or need clarity, OR REASSURANCES everything is cool, I ask her for it and explain why I need it. It works for us and have no need to snoop, not saying you are, just that there is a way to express yourself about this online thing that doesn't have to be a big conflict.

    Just stay cool and find it. It's a challenge maybe, but you ARE husband/wife, and friends. You shouldn't ever be afraid of expressing yourselves to each other. Maybe before you express yourself to her, know for yourself where your own feeling are coming from.

    So why is this a concern for YOU?

    It would NOT be for me, nor would I let it be a bigger deal than it should be. I should disclose here my wife has stolen ALL my female friend from me over the years, LOL, and they talk to her more than they do me!

    No biggie.
    CFZD's Avatar
    CFZD Posts: 385, Reputation: 49
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    #10

    Dec 9, 2014, 09:45 AM
    I don't think couple should share everything with each other, why should they?
    If she talks to your best friend, and without telling you, maybe she is talking about you with him... maybe there are things she is not happy about you that only your best friend can understand.

    She needs an ear that listens to her, and maybe you don't listen to her when she tells you about your problem, or something she wants you to change and you don't.

    It is completed normal for her to have a close friend to talk to, whether she cheats on you, you will have to confirm that by talking to her see what she has to say.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #11

    Dec 9, 2014, 07:53 PM
    Your wife has no business having such a 'friend', that she is in continuous touch with him. It is inappropriate.

    Your married friend, has no business being in continuous touch with your wife. That too is inappropriate.

    I don't blame you for being suspicious, especially with her sounding like she is hiding what she is doing.

    Either way, the best way to put a wedge in a marriage, is to have a relationship, with another married person, that has gone past the occasional 'hello how are ya' sort of thing.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #12

    Dec 10, 2014, 02:58 PM
    For me it would cross the line with it appearing to be so secretive. There is nothing wrong with having male or female friends, but when someone feels the need to keep a friendship secret from their spouse, they likely know that it has gone passed more than it should, even if they don't mean anything by it. They know it would make their spouse uncomfortable.

    You mention that she stopped asking you to check her messages since this started, but she would ask you to do so before. The part of saying "little sex stuff" and him telling her not to tell you is inappropriate. She may find it flattering to hear some flirting, and he may find it a little exciting because it is someone other than his wife.

    I would talk to both of them.

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