[mogrann]

I am at crossroads. Feel like I can't talk to anyone without hurting their feelings. Seriously drowning in my emotions right now. I don't know what to do... overwhelmed, hurt, upset, feel like inuring and never stopping. I have reached skills breaking point and don't know what to do. My job is too stressful. Real life is too mean,

1. on co worker told me to move it and then yelled at me some more this is the one that will elbow me in the back as he goes behind and that I had to talk to him about being sexual at work.
2. two co workers in front of me rudly made fun of my new hair color. Now I feel like others were lying when they said it looked good
3. another co worker basically told me I was stupid and useless

That is just today. I give up I know to others this is nothing but to me I am devastated. f'n dbt was useless

[joypulv]

There's something in so many people that just LOOKS for vulnerability, and the more vulnerable you appear, the more they move in for the kill.
I don't know how to tell someone to toughen up. In a workplace where half the people are being mean, it's awful. You can try to gather the people who do like you, I suppose, but even that would be exhausting.
How bad is your financial situation? Can you afford to quit? Start looking again in a month?
People where I am are hiring for temps for Christmas already.

[mogrann]

Why can't people just be nice. Do I really want to be in a world that is so cruel. I don't know

[Cat1864]

Sometimes you have to step back and recognize that it isn't you. They are the ones with issues. It is their own insecurities and issues that are causing them to act out against another person. They need to learn how to use coping skills so they can act like humans instead of baboons.

[mogrann]

I suck at talking at times like this all I can say I have been struggling for a few weeks. Today showed me it was work causing my stress.. really don't know how to get the me back I was a few weeks ago.I am back to my pre dbt susan.

[Wondergirl]

I suck at talking at times like this all I can say I have been struggling for a few weeks. Today showed me it was work causing my stress.. really don't know how to get the me back I was a few weeks ago.I am back to my pre dbt susan.

Are you still in the kitchen? How too fast paced? -- the work, the coworkers, customers? Do you enjoy any part of this job? do you ever laugh and have fun there?

[mogrann]

No breaks. Have to eat while working. I worked 10 hours yesterday with no break. Too much work to do in the time they give us as we usually don't get done on time. Too many wannabe supervisors telling you what to do (they are not supervisors just think they are).

[Wondergirl]

No breaks. Have to eat while working. I worked 10 hours yesterday with no break. Too much work to do in the time they give us as we usually don't get done on time. Too many wannabe supervisors telling you what to do (they are not supervisors just think they are).

How do you feel about quitting? It doesn't sound like anyplace I would want to be for that many hours. There have to be better places to use your kitchen skills. I'm ready to drive up there and punch out a few people! Be mindful of the situation and take care of yourself the best way you can. And we are in your corner!

[mogrann]

Alty said the same thing on Facebook. Will have to wait until at least the new year as we would need more bills paid off. I can't do this and put us in more debt

[Wondergirl]

Alty said the same thing on Facebook. Will have to wait until at least the new year as we would need more bills paid off. I can't do this and put us in more debt

Okay. Then let's work on how you will act and react at work. We can do this! Someone passes behind you and deliberately elbows or bumps you. Now what?

[mogrann]

NOrmally I do what I always do and say nothing and fume about it.

Odd I typed out more :
Then I reach a point where I overreact and then judge and get upset at myself.

[Wondergirl]

NOrmally I do what I always do and say nothing and fume about it.

Odd I typed out more :
Then I reach a point where I overreact and then judge and get upset at myself.

What would you advise me to do if that happened to me?

[smoothy]

I view it this way... if they need to put people down they have to work with and see every day so they feel better about themselves... then my god must they have some real problems.

View it that way and maybe it will be easier to blow it off and not internalize it. You are going to find horses azzes anyplace you go. Running from it really isn't going to achieve much because you are going to find others anyplace you go. Some of them do it to get a rise out of you. If you can learn to blow it off and not give them the satisfaction. They will usually stop because it's a waste of their time if they don't get the desired reaction from you.

[Alty]

I just found this thread.

Susan, I'm going to tell you what I told you on Facebook only I'm going to be very very blunt.

For your issues I don't think DBT is the right thing for you. That's more for people with smaller issues, like OCD. Your issues cannot be handled with mere skills. Skills will help, but they won't allow you to live a relatively normal life where you're not constantly having bad days. Every day I see you post about something else that's devastating you, on fb. Not just something annoying, but something that's sent you on a downward spiral. Not just recently, but since I've known you. It's daily. That's not good. :(

I think it's time to look at other options to help you deal with your mental issues. Medication, therapy, maybe even hospitalization if that's what you need.

Bottom line, if you work with others, you're going to get annoyed. You can't choose the people you work with, so you either have to toughen up, do your job and ignore any jerks that you have to work with, or you find a new job, one where you don't have to work with other people. This issue isn't location specific, it will happen in any job you apply to if you're working with other people, only because you can't deal with the way other people act. You can't put it away and realize it's not about you, but them, and just do your job and ignore the jerks. I would highly recommend no more jobs where you have to work with others, until you learn how to do so without constantly being down because of the way other people act.

We've all had issues with the people we work with. We've all complained that we had a bad day, or that someone was mean, or that we were yelled at for something we didn't do. The thing is, most of us will come home, vent to our family, vent to our friends, and once we vent, we cool down and we're able to let it go. You can't seem to let it go, and then the next day something else happens, doesn't even have to be huge, and that's added to the pile, until the pile is so high and so heavy, you can't deal with it.

I'm sure you're not the only one that works there that has to work 10 hours straight without a break. If you are, then complain, because that's not right. If a co-worker is physically hurting you (elbowing you when he walks by) or sexually harassing you, that's against the law. You file a complaint, and if they won't correct the situation, you go to the labor board!

In other words, you have to learn to deal with others and not let them get to you, and you need to learn to stand up for your rights. You're in Canada, not some country where employees have no legal rights. But you have to be the one that does something, you can't expect them to just do the right thing because that's what you expect them to do. That's not reality sadly.

I really think that at this time you shouldn't be working a job with other employees. I think you need to look at therapy, forget DBT and talk to a psychiatrist, discuss medication options, and work on getting to a point where you can cope day to day.

Love you, you know that. I hope this didn't come off as harsh. I tried my very best to sugar coat it while still getting my point across.

[nevergum]

Is it like this for every job that you have been to? I bet not. Quit and find a better place. Don't spend too much time with naturally mean people. Life is too short. Or, try to make friends with them, maybe they are not that bad.

I think for now, you just need to tell yourself that you work for the money (and that is the truth), you spend every day hard but you earn money that you wanted. So, fair. And, you got the money to pay the bills! Though it is hard earn, but you should be happy about it. - I know this sounds wired. But for a temporary solution, you need some logic to support yourself.

Try to ignore when people laugh at your hair, maybe they are just too bored and not meant to hurt. (do you like your hair? If you do, then why bother about others laughing. Ignore them, they will find it not fun later). Try to learn when people tell you that you are useless. I think they are too stressful so that they act rudely. But if they say your are useless then that means you didn't meet their expectation. Try find if you can improve or if it was just merely something you cannot control and it was just they being too mean. And try to be friendly. Most people react the way you act to them.

When you're financially better, quit and find another job.

[mogrann]

Thing is Alty it is the only treatment method they recommend for Borderline Personality Disorder :( that is my diagnosis. I did some research and found that out. I need to follow through on what I contracted to do with the hospital last night. I know you think I need something else but I have to work with what they are saying is my treatment plan.. . I have a little bit more hope than I had even yesterday.
1. I will get ahold of the head of DBT Monday and see my options: booster group sooner, retaking DBT, or just a going with a therapist. I will also ask if I can have a copy of the workbook to work on at home
2. Henry and I will be figuring out how timewise I can get to the free counselling center in the North.
3. We will be getting in a better place financially so I can quit my job and maybe only get a part time one if that so I can have some money.

Love you all and I am still fighting my goal is to be like I was a year ago. Yes I got upset over bad things but I could handle it. That is what I want.

[J_9]

I still believe you need hospitalization and medication. I think it's a shame you are being shuffled around and not getting the intensive therapy you need and deserve. Had you been in my ER last night, and I had 2 patients in similar circumstances, you would have been transferred to a local mental health facility. No questions asked.

While I have learned some of the benefits of the Canadian health system, I still see many areas where it is failing it's population. This is a prime example.

[Alty]

J, I can tell you that what Susan is experiencing in her neck of the woods, is unheard of here, and we live in the same province, albeit 300km apart.

My cousin is mentally ill, severe depression. Thankfully when he had knife in hand ready to end it all, he reached out. He hadn't even hurt himself, but we took him to the hospital and he was put into treatment immediately.

This happened 4 years ago, and he is now regularly seeing a therapist (for free), on medication (free), and he's employed (he wasn't employed for over 5 years and had a shaky employment history before that because of his mental issues.

I don't understand why Susan is having such a hard time getting the help she needs. It would be completely different where I am. I know that just from the help I received with grief counseling after my parents died. I didn't even have to ask, it was offered right away, appointment made, all covered, for as long as I needed it, as often as I needed it. Same with medication to help deal with depression. That is monitored by my doctor, I have to check in every 3 months. Rod's work pays for that. Even if they didn't it's around $1 a day for the meds, so $30 a month if you don't have benefits through work for medication.

I really think that Susan is just looking in the wrong places, and talking to the wrong people. Hopefully this last hospital visit will see that she's taken to the right people, and programs that can actually help.