[rackcity]

Hey guys. My pregnant girlfriend who I love very much and I moved in together a few months ago. I don't know if it's due to the pregnancy, or the fact that we now live together and see each other a lot, or both, but I feel that special spark we once had isn't as ignited as it once was. How can you maintain that spark and make this more exciting, when living together? I know it's tough considering she's pregnant, but she means a lot to me, and I want to make her feel that connection again (assuming she don't feel that way still). I know it's because we spend a lot of time together that we get into petty arguments and I'm a bit of the jealous type, which shows that I'm insecure. There's things I can change to make us better off and happier together. I just want to know what you all would recommend to do if you were in my shoes. Thanks guys, I know I can always count on you.

[joypulv]

You start by understanding that the spark of romance CHANGES into other things that all make up love and care. In some ways love takes more and more work over time, and in other ways it takes less and less. But relationships are work. Love doesn't fall out of the sky. It isn't fate. It's negotiation and compromise. It's appreciation and respect. It's sharing troubles as well as joys. If that sounds trite, it doesn't mean it isn't true.
You need extra patience and sacrifice while she is pregnant. Her hormones will make her cry and get upset, and all sorts of aches and pains won't help either. She'll be tired. HELP AROUND THE HOUSE, and bring her some flowers or something. Can you cook? If not, do the dishes and laundry and anything that takes bending.
Someday she will sacrifice for you, if you are injured or sick or lose your job.
OH - and one little minor detail left - marry her. You owe it to your child.

[Fr_Chuck]

I agree, that spark, is going to change, the wild romance, is going to be a stolen moment, to snuggle, and then sleep, because you are exhausted.

Real love will be you, getting up at 3 am, to feed the baby, when you want to sleep.

Also, while, not always, sex, normally slows down over time and real life and work and kids.

Reading a story to child, who falls asleep in your bed, replaces a lot.

You have to start planning, doing a date night.
Getting a sitter sometimes.

[talaniman]

Put your own needs aside, and help her through this life changing event. If you stay cool, calm, and collected and in control of yourself, you will keep your mouth shut, and your mind open as you pay attention to HER needs and not take it personally, as its about her, and helping her get a life in this world.

Give all you can, and then some with very little coming back at this time. After all she is doing ALL the hard work, and may not be able to appreciate you, what you do, or whatever YOU may need. You may think she is crazy and irrational, and you may be right, but its not about you being right, but doing right by her as she brings your child into the world.

Do whatever you got to do, and if you pay attention, you will know what it is. Does she have female friends, or is her mom around? Learn to do as you are told, and be glad to do it, and take the rewards for good orderly directions LATER. It's the first time for you both in many areas, so don't expect it to be smooth, or even close to perfect as many changes and adjustments are coming for quite sometime, so always be ready for the unexpected. Be flexible and make adjustments to thoughts, words, and actions.

I can laugh now at your dilemma, but of course it wasn't funny at all then, but I was blessed with plenty of help and support, from family and friends and was smart(?) enough to keep my mouth shut and do as directed by those that knew better. If you think you can do everything alone your way... think again.

Just being there is half the battle. If you don't know, no shame in having someone to ask, like an older, more experienced person. Is YOUR dad available?

Romance?? Good luck with that, but be good to this woman, NO MATTER WHAT!!!! Love ain't just a word, its action, through work, and commitment. Huge challenge with many obstacles.

[dontknownuthin]

All you can do is first, work on the jealousy. It will ruin the relationship because it is offensive to not be trusted and have to prove ourselves all the time. If she is not trustworthy, the answer is not to be together. If she is, get counseling and learn how to just let go and trust her. You need to learn this anyway... you will have to trust your child in time, too.

Also, stop trying to get back to the past. New dating is different from the time of living together and starting a family.

Also, try the obvious.. Do things in order. Marry the young lady. The excitement in relationships is partly in sharing experiences in the moment, and partly in looking forward to next steps in life together. I think successful couples have shared ideals,and life goals and work together to accomplish them. You plan your wedding, the arrival of your first child, later children, purchasing your first home together, saving for that memorable family vacation, working together as parents, supporting each other in your education and career goals, enjoying family, friends and traditions together, planning your one- day retirement... doing things together to realize your goals will keep you together. Also, in my belief, faith is central... Knowing a marriage bond is sacred carries people through the tough times. But don't expect the bond to strengthen if you don't commit for the long haul. If she is marriage minded and you aren't, there is no reason she should be done looking.

All you can do is first, work on the jealousy. It will ruin the relationship because it is offensive to not be trusted and have to prove ourselves all the time. If she is not trustworthy, the answer is not to be together. If she is, get counseling and learn how to just let go and trust her. You need to learn this anyway... you will have to trust your child in time, too.

Also, stop trying to get back to the past. New dating us different from the time of living together and starting a family.

Also, try the obvious.. Do things in order. Marry the young lady. The excitement in relationships us partly in sharing experiences in the moment, and partly in looking forward to next steps in life together. I think successful couples have shared ideals,and life goals and work together to accomplish them. You plan your wedding, the arrival of your first child, later children, purchasing your first home together, saving for that memorable family vacation, working together as parents, spoortibg each other in your education and career goals, planning your obe- day retirement... doing things together to realize your goals will keep you together. Also, in my belief, faith is central... Knowing a marriage bond is sacred carries people through the tough times. But don't expect the bond to strengthen if you don't commit for the long haul. If she is marriage minded and you aren't, there is no reason she should he done looking.

[rackcity]

I'm so sour when it comes to marriage cause I tried and got shot down even before I knew the baby was on the way. Supposedly we should "finish school", and start our "careers" before getting married, as if marriage will stop us from accomplishing these things. Living together and having children together, but no marriage? I personally would have things differently if I could.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry, you marry, who is "shooting" it down, and why?

[smoothy]

Seriously... there isn't a bigger commitment a human can make than having a child... whats the big issue with the marriage? Compared to that a marriage is minor. You can always end a marriage, if you end a child 5 or 10 years down the road....a long prison sentense is involved. I do gather YOU aren't the one with the opposition.

[talaniman]

It's not at all unusual for two people (in love) to have different priorities in life, and the way they perceive, and go about it. You make sure you have YOUR OWN priorities straight soon to be DAD. Your child is YOUR future, and marriage it seems may, or may NOT be. Who can really know which it will be?

Regardless of what the reality of life throws at you, you will be parents together for a LONG time. All plans are subject to change and adjustments, and babies are a life changing event in both your lives. I think your present priorities are about to change. Love and romance are soon to become a labor (of love?). Handle your business, both the GOOD, and the BAD. It's always a mix of both.

[I wish]

It depends on how well you know each other. Go back to basics. The better you know her, the more you can figure out what will make her happy.

I would not try to live in the past. What made her happy before, may not make her happy today, because things change, circumstances change, etc.

Going back to basics would mean getting to know each other, based on who you are today. Once you know her better, you will have a better idea on what can make her happy.

To me, if you have to ask what will make her happy, what it really means more is that you do not know her well enough. Know her in terms of who she is today.

She obviously has a lot on her mind, so being there, being patient and being very supportive can go a long way.