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    kingsmolen's Avatar
    kingsmolen Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 22, 2014, 07:07 PM
    I need help and I'm not sure what to do!!
    Hello everybody my spelling and Grammer are not the best so I warn everybody before hand :) ok so here is my situation. I am a 24 year old male and have just met a very beautiful young lady, she and myself go to collage together and I met her on Friday. after we spoke for about two hours I got her number and invited her to my church picnic. she never showed because it was her moms birthday so they went out to celebrate. I am a great listener and pay very close attention to what people tell me and I noticed that while we were talking she was telling me about how much she is always getting hit on and approached. she also pointed out that she didn't like when guys would be her friend for a few weeks or months and then tell her that they had feelings for her or began to hit on her. we hung out today for about an hour and talked.. to make a long story short the problem that I am having is I don't want to come off like every guy who just comes up and hits on her.. but I am not sure if I should just be straight forward and tell her that my intentions which is to get to her more and eventually see where it goes. I am worried that I may come off to strong and scare her away, or that I come off to weak and scare her away.. please someone tell me what I should do
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #2

    Sep 23, 2014, 02:10 AM
    You just met her. Take your time and get to know her and she get to know you. Don't be telling her your intentions after a few days. You will be coming off like every other guy trying to hit on her.
    kingsmolen's Avatar
    kingsmolen Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Sep 23, 2014, 04:28 AM
    Ok thank you, so what do I do if I see her start to friend zone me?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Sep 23, 2014, 06:07 AM
    You make a friend, and live your life and be open to all the options, and opportunities for romance besides her. Who gives their heart to a cute attractive stranger, and expects good results to come from it. That's rather foolish and given what she has told you already you take your risks of rejection or don't.

    Ask her out for a good time and see what happens. If it happens good, if not you keep living. You have her number, use it wisely. Just don't expect her to give you exactly what you want, a chance at romance. If you can't have fun with no strings attached (high hopes) I fail to see the point of confessing such intentions at all at this point. NEVER to a stranger.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Sep 23, 2014, 07:10 AM
    So, you end up with a great friend, it happens. You hang out, you talk, and see what happens.

    And yes, you may be judged and looked like all other guys, until, she has known you longer.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #6

    Sep 23, 2014, 07:18 AM
    If she friend zones you, then that is what you will be. You'll have a friend who trust you.
    You have just met this girl. Get to know her also get to know other girls.
    Don't put all the pressure on her.
    kingsmolen's Avatar
    kingsmolen Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Sep 23, 2014, 08:41 PM
    Thank you everyone I actually have a date with her tomorrow and got a few different numbers..
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Sep 24, 2014, 08:26 AM
    she was telling me about how much she is always getting hit on and approached.
    Translation= She has many options and opportunities to explore, and experiment with love, romance, and fun, as a single unattached female.

    she also pointed out that she didn't like when guys would be her friend for a few weeks or months and then tell her that they had feelings for her or began to hit on her.
    Translation= Don't get your hopes up, and get carried away by your own feelings for her, because she probably won't commit to being exclusive with you very soon, if at all. Likely she will date others when she pleases.

    Solution- Keep it real and enjoy your opportunities getting to know her and she you, as friends and keep expectations realistic, and don't make her your ONLY option for love, romance and fun. Just be cool, and see what happens is what I would do, while NOT giving my heart away to a stranger, and keeping options my options open.

    Have fun being friends, and it's never fun to be stuck on someone that's not as stuck on YOU, especially so soon after meeting them.

    Talaniman Rule- Too much, too fast, crash and burn.

    IF you cannot handle just friends for now, don't get started with dating this female.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #9

    Sep 24, 2014, 08:39 AM
    "Talaniman Rule- Too much, too fast, crash and burn."

    Amen! We have seen it so many times on this board. Let the friendship/relationship happen naturally so that you both get to know each other well before there's any thought of a commitment.
    kingsmolen's Avatar
    kingsmolen Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Sep 24, 2014, 02:15 PM
    Wow thanks big talaniman
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #11

    Sep 24, 2014, 02:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kingsmolen View Post
    she also pointed out that she didn't like when guys would be her friend for a few weeks or months and then tell her that they had feelings for her or began to hit on her.
    Take it slow as the others have suggested, but this statement struck me as a bit odd. Is she saying she doesn't like it when someone she feels is just a friends starts to have romantic feelings for her, which they either will or they won't, they can't change that, or is she saying that if you are interested let her know early on and not just let her think it is only a friendship?
    kingsmolen's Avatar
    kingsmolen Posts: 16, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Sep 24, 2014, 09:51 PM
    We'll from what I understood she said guys are always hiring on her and sheDoesn't like it.. I think it's because they come off creepy. And she said she hates when guys say they want friendship then hit on her later on down the line
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #13

    Sep 25, 2014, 06:22 AM
    I wouldn't trip over her cryptic utterings right now. She may be attractive but turn out to be a nutjob. Don't get too deep or assume or presume what a stranger means, just keep paying attention to more than her cute butt.

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