[joy2theworld]

So my boyfriend and I have been going out for just over 3 months. I'm 16, he's 15. In the beginning we were really good. We'd always hangout and he'd like to be around me. Over the summer was good too. We hung out as often as we could and we were fine. But since school started. We can barely text in class (we go to different schools) and he has football every night from 3 to 5:30. We usually FaceTime for hours before bed but he's always too tired because of football. We hang out probably 3 times a week now, which is less than before. Every we hangout now he acts different. Like he doesn't want to be around me. I was sitting with him on the couch and I was barely touching him and he was like "can you move because you're too close of me and it's irritating" and stuff like that he says a lot. He barely wants to kiss me or hug me or cuddle with me anymore but those used to be his favourite things. I just don't understand the sudden change. Like what happened. And when I react and get upset he'll come to me and apologize and hug me. But then he just does it again. Like I'm not sure what to think...

[teacherjenn4]

Football is exhausting. Both my boys played from grade school through college. Does he practice before school, too? My boys did in high school. You started dating in the summer. You're at different schools and you're both very young. Maybe he has met someone at his school and doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or maybe he's just exhausted. Ask him.

[joy2theworld]

I know he hasn't met someone new, I know he just wants me! He has his moments of being sweet and stuff. But lately they haven't been that much. But when he sees that I'm upset he lets me know everything's okay

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see.
1. he should not be texting in school. He should be study, and doing lessons, esp because he can not do a lot of homework, because of foot ball

2. he is busy with his other friends a lot in school

3. he is busy with foot ball,

And he is tired

You are expecting too much, and he is still doing more chatting, if he is talking for a few hours every night.

Stop being so needy and understand he has other things in life that has to be done

[joypulv]

I was your age 50 years ago - no way to contact each other except one family phone in the living room, possibly an extension phone in the kitchen. Boy were we glad to see each other!
I have nothing against new ways. It's just that I see so much excruciatingly boring communication going on that you couldn't invent a better version of hell. Do you miss me? What are you doing now? I miss you. What are you wearing tomorrow? Now where are you?
Give the poor guy some room to breathe, to have a life, to rest from football, to have his male buddies.
NOT ONE relationship lasts when you think that love means you are glued to each other. A good relationship thrives and grows on your own friends, your own interests, and time apart.
ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER!

[joy2theworld]

I know and I understand that he needs space and I give it to him. I never text or call h first because I know he's got a lot more goog on than me. I get why we don't talk a lot. It's just that when we actually do get together and hang out he just doesn't seem like he wants to be here. He's always playing a game on his phone instead of paying attention to me. Like what's the point of hanging out if your just going to play games and not talk to me at all?

[Wondergirl]

He's in the same room with you, so that's hanging out with you, he thinks. How about getting him involved in playing a board game like checkers or parcheesi or even scrabble?

[talaniman]

I think you have to make a lot of adjustments and understand you aren't the only thing in his life, nor should he be the only thing in yours. Relationships are a lot more than the kissing, cuddling, and constant texting. That gets old fast as you are finding out, and girlfriends who need constant attention and get upset when they don't get it, gets old fast too, and no doubt, you will find that out soon too.

Find other things you like to do together besides kiss, cuddle, and text constantly (and watch TV).

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ou-797781.html

You sure got over him fast.

[joy2theworld]

I think you have to make a lot of adjustments and understand you aren't the only thing in his life, nor should he be the only thing in yours. Relationships are a lot more than the kissing, cuddling, and constant texting. That gets old fast as you are finding out, and girlfriends who need constant attention and get upset when they don't get it, gets old fast too, and no doubt, you will find that out soon too.

Find other things you like to do together besides kiss, cuddle, and text constantly (and watch TV).

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ou-797781.html

You sure got over him fast.

It's the same guy, we got back together 3 days later. And I understand it's not all about kissing and blahblah and that it's more than that. I just wish that the once a week we get to hangout he wouldn't be busy playing his football game on his phone the whole time. I'm just wondering why it's like this all of a sudden?

[Wondergirl]

It's the same guy, we got back together 3 days later. And I understand it's not all about kissing and blahblah and that it's more than that. I just wish that the once a week we get to hangout he wouldn't be busy playing his football game on his phone the whole time. I'm just wondering why it's like this all of a sudden?

You're a sure thing now. He doesn't have to try hard to interest you any longer. You're no longer a challenge.

[odinn7]

Maybe he is getting tired of you. At that age, it is hard to say what is going through his mind.

[talaniman]

This isn't all of a sudden, you had big problems before, and now you still have problems. You still haven't talked about them, and resolved anything, and until you do, if you can, its more of the same. You both have very different conflicting ideas about love, life, and relationships.

Too may chills, and not enough thrills, for people so young, who should be having fun. This can't be love, its barely like. You better start talking and make some agreements how this will go because it cannot continue like this no matter how much you cry and get upset. That in itself is a bad sign its not working.

[joy2theworld]

So I've been dating this guy for over 4 months. Lately things have been a bit weird, like slight arguing and stuff. I guess it's just a stage of every relationship I don't know. But he does this thing where he'll pretend to get mad at me for something and say he wants to break up but he's kidding. For example: tonight we were hanging out and he told me someone messaged him and said I cheated on him and he said he was really upset. I thought someone had seriously messaged him so I apologized and let him know I would never cheat on him.

Then he would be like that's all I wanted to hear and that no one even messaged him in the first place. This isn't like a one time deal and every time he does it, it hurts my feelings because he makes me think he doesn't trust me. He also told me tonight that I'm annoying because I act clingy when we hangs out alone, I go on my phone too much when we watch movies, and I want to cuddle too much.

I already knew all of that and I've been trying my best to fix it. The clingy this is just that we we watch a movie I like to sit beside him but he'll say he wants to not sit so close. So I've been sitting away from him and waiting for him to come to me. I Just feel upset because I'm not sure if he has noticed my efforts to change. I'm not sure what to do, I really like him I just don't know if he trusts me because of these constant "tests" and then he gets mad because I always feel like he's going to break up with me. I just feel that way a lot because he's already done it twice and he pretends to all the time.

He also keeps bringing up the past. After the second time we broke up I started talking to his friend then I hung out with him. Even though me and my boyfriend got back together I never told him about that but then he found out. Every time we talk about it he says we've moved past it but he keeps being it up and I just don't get it. Yeah some advice would be helpful.

I'm 16 and he's 15 by the way.

[Triysle]

I'm 16 and he's 15 by the way.

You are both at a point in your lives where you're really just beginning to form more intimate relationships with other people. It's healthy to explore these experiences, but it's also very important to keep your own desires in mind. Many of us fall into fast, intense relationships before we really understand ourselves, and we learn the hard way that a successful relationship has to start with loving yourself.

It's a good sign that you're reaching out and asking for advice instead of going it alone or trying to tough it out with only your peers. Many of us on this site are at different points in our lives, so we can share our experiences over decades instead of months.

Now, a few things that stick out for me in this post. The mind games are big red flag. Your partner should be willing to trust you, but as I mentioned earlier this can't happen unless he feels secure enough in himself. Pretending to break up and administering "tests" are a clear sign that he's not really confident in himself, and he's reflecting that insecurity on to you to make himself feel better. This is dangerous behavior that can really only be excused by his young age, but you both have a lot of growing up to do.

I also noticed you bringing yourself down emotionally, especially your comment about wanting to change for him. A certain amount of compromise is natural in a relationship, but you have to be willing to accept each other for who you are. Minor annoyances like leaving dishes dirty or laundry on the floor are one thing, but if you are trying to show him affection and he is pushing you away, that's a big indicator that you aren't looking for the same thing in your relationship.

I won't go so far as to say that he's using you, but the early warning signs are there. My recommendation is that you try once to sit down and really discuss what the two of you want out of the relationship. Be honest with yourself, and with him, and evaluate if you're both looking for the same thing. If not, that doesn't make either of you better or worse; it just means you're different, and that's totally fine!

I wish you the best and regardless of the outcome, please take the time and space to figure yourself out first BEFORE you try to share your life with another person :)

[odinn7]

You should break up with him. He's an absolute jerk from what you are saying.

First- These games are a sign of an immature jerk. You shouldn't be put through that.

Second- NEVER change for anyone. He doesn't like that you want to sit near him? Why are you going to "do your best" to change that? That's just wrong.

Tell him it's over and end it before it gets worse. He's doing these things already, he is going to become worse as time goes on.

You're young, you don't need to be treated this way, don't accept him doing this to you.

[DoulaLC]

He certainly has a list of complaints, doesn't he. I'd let him know that you are through with the "tests", either he trusts you or he doesn't. If he is finding so much wrong with you, and how you behave, consider finding someone else who enjoys your company more.

Dating is learning about what you like and don't like; what you want and don't want in a relationship. Perhaps he has learned that he doesn't want to date you but he doesn't know how to end things. Help him out... think about whether his behavior and treatment of you is what YOU want from someone in a relationship.

Give it some thought, and I think you may discover that, while he may be a nice guy, the two of you are not as compatible as you first thought. That's another part of dating... you learn some things about yourself and other people, and some times you move on.

[Cat1864]

It looks like things are actually getting worse instead of better if he is now playing mind games.

Why apologize if you know you haven't been cheating? You should be upset if someone accuses you of doing something you haven't been doing.

It is time to walk away from this relationship. It is time to put energy and effort into being in a relationship with someone who wants to build a relationship with you instead of playing games with your emotions. He is getting what he wants, but I don't think you are and you won't because he has different needs than you do.

I think you need to walk away before his behavior gets worse. I really do not want to you to come back next month saying that he is now calling you names and being verbally abusive or worse.

It is time to put energy into taking care of yourself instead of pouring energy into a relationship that isn't healthy.

[talaniman]

You will always fall for his BS mind games until you start standing up for yourself. You are afraid to upset him, yet allow him to upset you? That's in no way healthy, and you should ask yourself why you are so desperate for a boyfriend, you put up with this kind of crap, at the cost of your own dignity and self respect.

If he is still acting a fool after all this time he has no self respect, or dignity for himself, and for sure he cannot have it for you either. What's wrong with HIM you ask? What's wrong with YOU is the answer since you put up with his behavior and say and do NOTHING about it.

So it will continue. Sorry to be harsh, but while you kiss his butt, he kicks your arse, emotionally, and you come back for more. That's NO GOOD, so do better without him. He isn't about to change and YOU MUST for your own good.

Let us know when you have had enough of being stuck on this FOOL, then you will WANT to change yourself, and your situation, when you figure out YOU DESERVE BETTER!

[mmresd]

It seems like he is taking care of business, and you are a distraction to him. You want him to give up paying attention for texting you and to hang out more than 3 times a week? Calm your expectations down, he might be resenting you because you are taking too much of his time. Personally, I haven't felt the need to see someone more than once a week while in the dating period. Maybe back up a little bit and let him chase you? Me reading your original post made me feel a bit smothered.