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    Stevencody2014's Avatar
    Stevencody2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 15, 2014, 02:05 AM
    My partner cheated on me while I was in jail.
    I went to prison January 2014 for 7 months. I got out September 4th, 2014. I got a girlfriend who is 20 I'm 26. We have been together 6 years, and have a 3 year old son together. She came up and visited me a few times, we wrote to each other all the time. She came up and visited me one day in prison and said she was unfaithful and I forgave her there on the spot, and she said she would not do it again. She used to say how horney she was and how much she missed me etc when I was inside, but she started not to mention these things in letters etc and I suspected something was up but wasn't to sure. So I put it behind me and got on with my sentence.

    Now since being out of prison, I said to her whatever has happened or went on while I was in jail happened,There is nothing I can do about the past,. I'm partly to blame because I put myself in jail in the first place, she said to me none of this would have happened if I was there, so its took her 3 to 5 days to open up to me and tell me everything that has went on while I was in jail, the reason why she took so long to tell me was she thought I was going to leave her after I found out the truth, but I'm willing to forgive, and put it behind me, and move on from the past, and change for the future to make our relationship better for me, her. and our son to be a family together.

    My partner said to me she has slept with 4 people when I was in prison, I thought it was only 1,Now let me take you threw what happend with these people from 1 to 4 and what she has told me from her words,guy 1 she since told me she slept with a guy who I used to be friends but we all used to knock about in the day together,, then the second guy was of Plenty of Fish, and he said he wanted a relationship and got what he wanted, a shag, and never got in contact again. Guy 3 was a friend of mine, I thought was alright he asked my girlfriend where I was one day, and she said in jail. He replied, heres my number, so they both knew what they were doing. 4th guy now she had a fling with this guy up until 2 weeks before I got of jail and was seeing him. He lives around the corner from my girlfriend and got a partner with a kid and recently gave birth to a new born about 4 to 5 weeks old anyway. She went round there to the mother and baby unit one day to get some weed off him for a friend,What happened they ended up shagging while the new born baby was in the other room. Then like a few days later he stayed at hers for 5 days in a row comfernting her snuggling all the stuff, i should of been doing but wasent because i put my stupid in jail.They were going to make a go of things and have a relationship but she wouldent brake up with me an couldent do it.

    Guy 4 said broke up with him NOW you need to tell him.guy 4 , has ended his relactionship to get with my girlfriend.. , but she couldn't do it. She told me and she loved me to much to do it. In her head she thought, if he's done that to his girlfriend who hes got 2 kids one being just born then he will do it to her too. Its was way to full on and going to quick etc she said to guy 4 they were supposto meet but he switched his fone of whalst he was in another town workin.,my girlfriend Said its My Fault and that wouldent of happened if i was there,is that true? she didn't have me there to comfort her, give her that attention, sex and everything, so when I was away she went looking for it I guess,would that be right? but I've got all the truth out from her now and her nan advised her to get it all out in the open, everythings out just tell him and unburden yourself wich she has done.

    Now I'm willing to forgive her she said she's scared I'm going to screw her over and get my own back, but I'm not. Also she said she felt ashamed and she felt at the time she didn't deserve to be with me,since being out of prison. because of what she did to me. BUTTT I said I'll forgive you and we will move on from this and give things a fresh start. SO now we are open I said to her, no bull, no lies, if people talk to you let me know and me visa versa. So we are starting a new relationship from scratch, should i really be intrested in all the details of what happened with each person?or should i just know who and how many?,i want to deal with these people in my own way and smash them up or should i just not bother with these dicks?she hasent contect these 4 people they havent contacted her she told me she will tell me if they try to get in touch etc,Me and my partner have a Mutual friend now shes told him about these people,and what happened etc,im also close friends with him he knows the people who shes been with,i spoke to him and said look i know were good mates i dont expect you to tell me anything as you dont wana be stuck in the middle, my girlfriend has told me she was loyal whalst i was in jail.,but if anything has gone on that my girlfriend isent telling me,basicley im pretending to our friend i dont know nothing when in reality i know evrything, im tellin Our Mutual friend for the simple reasion to tell these people steve dosent know nothing what went on, now dont contact him or his girlfriend etc,an blow the game away because if he finds out then BOOM,cats out the BAG,
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #2

    Sep 15, 2014, 03:05 AM
    Steve, punctuation and paragraphs are your friends. This very long run-on sentence was very hard to read, and very confusing.

    I think you said she is 20 and the two of you have been together for 6 years. That would have made her 14, and you 20, when the two of you got together. It's time to let her go. She has never had time to sow her wild oats. She has never had time yo actually grow up, especially if she had a child at the tender age of 17.

    She he needs time to be her own person.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Sep 15, 2014, 05:00 AM
    If you want to move forward, then bury this in the past and don't ever bring it up again, especially in anger. Be good to each other and build a good life for your family.

    It takes a while for a couple to overcome the trauma of cheating, and jail so be very patient with each other.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    Sep 15, 2014, 07:09 AM
    Yea. The homeboys, will do it almost every time. When you gone, they come around the girlfriend.

    You in prison is no excuse, someone who is going to cheat, is going to cheat.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #5

    Sep 15, 2014, 07:43 AM
    Agree with Chuck. And that's a lot of cheating. Kudos for the willingness to forgive but be prepared for her to continue to cheat.
    Stevencody2014's Avatar
    Stevencody2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Sep 15, 2014, 07:49 AM
    Man they boyz know on da block soon as I find out,IM going to be splittin there head like skittles its my block they should know better,I been in pen now I'm back watch this space they going to know who's boss,and I know they already flapping its just a matter of time but is it really worth it,rolling on them or just letting it slide?or have a quiet word like, I know what you done bro an when the heats of me I'm coming an going to be at your door with the steel.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
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    #7

    Sep 15, 2014, 07:50 AM
    So you're going to fight people because she decided to cheat? Yeah, good idea and a great way to get yourself back in prison.
    Stevencody2014's Avatar
    Stevencody2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Sep 15, 2014, 07:55 AM
    What shall I do forget it and move? On for the greater good of our relactionship or have a word wif these clowns,

    She disrespected me they disrespected me,I would never hurt my woman, Maby they need to feel my Pain.?
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
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    #9

    Sep 15, 2014, 07:58 AM
    Is this real?

    So if she disrespected you, dump her. If they disrespected you, forget about them.
    Stevencody2014's Avatar
    Stevencody2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Sep 15, 2014, 08:07 AM
    But I have cheeted before and done wrong in da past she for gave me an I'm willing to forgive her,not saying I will do something or won't but I'm Smart enough to do things correctley,if that's what I was going to do for exzample,I'm just weighing up all the options at the present I've forgiven her and I'm trying to get over it and put it behind me and not make the same mestake an do things diffrentley I'm not creeping round or going to be taken for a fool this it now all or nothing if she slips up then il wash my hands with it all,and half2 get arranged contact to see our son if that dose happen but who knows.if she wants it enough she will change and do what's gota be done for us as a family and herself to make things work and to make them right right,

    Yes it is real sorry I'm dislexic and this page deletes a lot of the slang and words I put in I dident realise it would correct evrything so if you don't understand anything just ask, THANKS
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #11

    Sep 15, 2014, 08:14 AM
    Either you are going to do it right with a fresh start, or revert to thug ways of dealing with what happened. Make up your mind and don't half step my friend, or you will be back in the pen and she will be looking for comfort.

    If you cannot handle your reality and strive to do better, then reality will handle you, big boss man. What do you expect from a young girl you knocked up and left in the jungle to fend for herself because you had time to do? You can get mad as you want to, at whoever you want but that won't solve a damn thing will it?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #12

    Sep 15, 2014, 08:17 AM
    If I was you I'd take a serious look at your life and reconsider the type of people you hang around with and call "friends". You have a responsibility with her because you have a 3 year old child. And you have a responsibility to provide a better life than you had.

    If there wasn't a child... I'd say ditch her AND the friends... but I highly recommend ditching the friends... it takes two to tango, so they are at least as responsible for the cheating as she was. And if they really were friends, they wouldn't have done that. They are people you know, and that's not the same as being friends. I would not associate with people that even tried to get my girlfriend or wife to go out with them or worse into bed. Because you know there was a lot going on before it ever got to the point of clothes coming off.
    Stevencody2014's Avatar
    Stevencody2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Sep 15, 2014, 08:19 AM
    Thanks for the sound advise man,what about her though?for Exzample,girlfriend says. Why was you on Facebook last night steve till one Oclock in the morning?just chatting to mates I replyed: WELL SHE SAID IM NOT STANDING FOR NO FING poo THIS TIME I Don't KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS STEVE Don't KNOW IF I CAN TRUST YOU,when she's the one who's been unfaitfull,why she switching it on me 4?we need to get some commen ground,Plus i only see her every other day as im in a bail address and its hard,i said we cant start ware it left of before jail we gota start a fresh ets and take our time and il move bk in when we r both ready an shes cool with that for now.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #14

    Sep 15, 2014, 08:23 AM
    Sometimes its in your best interest to simply say nothing. Tit for tat only escalates things....and thats how a lot of people end up saying or doing things they later regret.
    Stevencody2014's Avatar
    Stevencody2014 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Sep 15, 2014, 08:27 AM
    About what happened?I believe my fait is in my own hands and if I want this to work then it will I have just go to get over what's happened
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #16

    Sep 15, 2014, 08:41 AM
    That's an excellent starting point to doing better for yourself. The hell with the little dogs yapping from the porch. Got a job? That will help you do better for FAMILY.

    The rest of that drama means nothing but trouble. You got to do more than talk a good game in this world. Walk the straight and narrow and leave the BS for a while.

    SHE has to heal and get over all that has happened too! There is no instant success, just a lot of work to do. Just be cool, and get busy.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #17

    Sep 15, 2014, 02:14 PM
    It sounds like you want to forgive her to keep your family together but you've had an unstable life - apparently a criminal life - and now that you're out, you have a chance to live differently.

    You have a child. It sounds like you regret the path you've been on. Maybe you don't know another way.

    This is what I'd advise. Forget ALL the drama and move on. You were with an unfaithful woman and if not these guys, she'd have chosen someone else. You will never have trust in the relationship and this just isn't healthy behavior at all. Hear this - this woman will NEVER make you feel secure and will never lead you to be a better man. She's the wrong one.

    You have a new chance at life - out of prison, and you can start over in love, too. You need to really clean house. Focus on being a good Dad. Work your program, whatever program you are in for rebuilding your life. Seek out positive resources. Be the kind of man you would want to have as a father - a stand-up guy.

    Hold yourself accountable all day, every day. Little by little. It can start with as small a step as making your bed when you get up. Turn down invitations from people who aren't living a clean, positive life. Even family - if they lure you in the wrong direction, stay away from them until you are really firmly established and won't get sucked into their crap.

    See someone about getting a custody agreement and child support order entered in the court to demonstrate you are a responsible Dad. It sounds like this lady may not be living well either, and may not be the best person to raise your child day to day for long. You need to be aware you might need to become a single custodial dad sooner rather than later - start doing what you need to do to get there and enjoy it.

    You might just need to start learning to enjoy your own company until you meet a better group of people. A girlfriend who has four affairs, buddies who sleep with your girlfriend and the mother of your child - you have a lot of house cleaning to do.

    What you absolutely should not do is react in anger. These folks don't know how to live so feel sorry for them and move on. There's something better for you. What will a fist fight get for you, other than violated on your parole and maybe fighting for the honor of a woman who apparently has no honor. Do you want that? I didn't think so.

    Just move on from the girlfriend, the buddies, the criminal life. Get a job, get a modest place to live. Focus on being an honorable, stand up man for your child. Be someone you respect fully. And let me tell you - fear and respect aren't the same thing. Being a thug will make people fear you. Being a success and a good person will make people who matter respect you.

    No fights, no more discussions - just take care of your child, take care of yourself. Move forward. There's something better - time to man up.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #18

    Sep 15, 2014, 03:48 PM
    It wasn't your fault, as she wants to use as justification for her actions. Plenty of couples go much longer apart and they don't cheat. IF she was truly ashamed of what happened, there wouldn't have been a second, third, or fourth time

    .As was said, you were both very young when you got together. Both of you have gone through some maturing and changing in that time.

    IF you want the relationship to have a chance, consider couples counseling so that both of you can learn from past mistakes, avoid making them again, and learn what it takes to have an honest, mature, and healthy relationship

    .Cut your ties with your so called friends who took advantage of your being out of the picture. Don't give any thought to getting even with any of those guys... they wouldn't have been in the picture if your girlfriend hadn't been a willing participant.

    Personally, I'd consider making a fresh start on your own given the circumstances, but I do understand loving someone and wanting things to work out, especially when you have a child together, so maybe give it a time limit. If you don't see some quality changes being worked on in the next several months, you might consider moving on from this relationship.

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