[Pihu123000]

I feel I am a relationship addict.

There is this guy I got infatuated to but I wasn't ready to get in a relationship with him because I recently broke up devastatingly with a guy whom I was about to get married to. So this new guy was extraordinarily sweet and like a shoulder. I kept bragging my past stories, he kept motivating me and loving me side by side. He pampered me, loved me, motivated me and was there with me. But I was never focused to him, I kept running behind my past and I very transparently him I'm stuck in my past.
He was still so sweet that he accepted me with all the flaws and wanted me desperately . This happened twice or thrice.

Then I got rid of my past completely and I feel I am deeply attached and attracted to this new guy I met 5/7 months ago. But he seem to have lost his interest in me. I keep texting and phoning and expecting from him... But he hardly reciprocates. Though I've cleared him my past is over and I think I feel for him, yet he's showing no keen interest.

Eventually, its making me depressed day by day and not only this, I'm getting crazier about him day by day. I'm feeling overly attracted and attached to that guy and I cant see any scope or hope of being together. I am being too desperate in wanting him back as before but somewhere I know that can't happen and somewhere I hope that can happen. This situation is killing me with chronic anxiety. Its making me want him more and more everyday. I really want to get out of this whole attraction circle and I'm keeping myself busy in every possible way for that. I'm looking after myself, changing my looks, exploring for new avenues but ultimately anxiety is killing me day and night.

He seems like a bad addiction that I'm not being able to get over. I have sleepless nights, frustrating days, can't eat, can't concentrate .I'm finding it so hard to live normally. It feels like he's made me mentally hollow. I can't think of anyone beyond him.

Help me please.
I need to get rid of this addiction in a healthier way.

[smoothy]

How old are you?

[Pihu123000]

I'm 23

[Pihu123000]

Anxiety is killing me every second. PLEASE HELP!

[odinn7]

You are obsessed with this guy and it's not healthy. The more he rejects you, the more you want him. Forget about him and move on with your life.

Seems that seeing a therapist might be a good idea as well because I think you have issues that need to be taken care of.

[talaniman]

See a doctor, you are out of control. He will guide you to a healthier way to deal with your issues before you completely humiliate yourself, and lose all dignity, and self respect.

[smoothy]

Worst that can happen is he files stalking charges against you. You end up in jail... and good luck finding a decent job after that. I agree get therapy now... before anything happens that's going to haunt you the rest of your life.

[Pihu123000]

I cant see a therapist.
Here , its such a social stigma, that's why I came here at AMHD.
And even I don't have courage to go and tell my situations to anyone in person.
And exactly what Talaniman said, i just cant put my self respect and dignity on stake for this one careless person.
I am not literally stalking him all day and night.
I call him once/ twice .
Text him once or twice and whenever he replies or talk that shows more of a disinterest .
So , that's killing me.
I am simply obsessed with this person.
I hope this isn't some OCD I'm facing !
All i need to gain is the knowlegde for healthier self control.

[Pihu123000]

I did one good thing to myself today!
I accepted my feelings, told him that I love him and also told him that I realise he've lost interest or has a better sustitute by now.
But , streching all this & my over sweet behaviour and his typical moved on behaviour , would only lead to my sufferings .
I cant handle another heart break and put myself in more bitterness now.
I accepted clearly, that I love him, but I guess I must leave to live .
Can you guys tell
Me if I did the right thing? And how to heal from this obsession ? And Most Importantly NOT LOOK BACK at all.

[Alty]

Go no contact. Stop texting him, stop calling him, delete him from fb or any other social network he's on, and get on with your life.

We can't make you do anything. If you can't, or won't see a therapist, you'll have to find the strength to deal with this on your own. Since he's obviously no longer interested, it's best for you to stop contacting him altogether, and start focusing on other things. Keep yourself busy, work out, go out with friends, go to work, read, do whatever you have to do to keep yourself busy. But stop contacting him. He's done!

[smoothy]

You have two choices... go to a therapist, or deal with the social stignma of being known as "that crazy woman who can't take no for an answer" because that IS going to happen. And that is far, far more lasting than any "stigma" for seeking out a therapist to help with behaviour modification. Once you get a reputation, it tends to stick with you for a very, very long time. And no matter what culture you live... people talk and word gets around, and no guy wants to be around someone that acts in that manner.

I'm not saying that to be mean... just trying to get you to see there are far worse things that can and probibly will happen than going to a therapist. I know you don't WANT to go but it is the lesser of the evils.

Its going to take monumental self control and self discipline to do it yourself....IF you can do it yourself. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. You are going to scare away every single man around (as well as all the married ones too) until you do. Just remember there are other better options than "self help".

At least you have taken the first steps. Recognising you have a problem, and wanting to do something about it. I wish you well in achiving your goal of beating it.

[talaniman]

Most of us deal with our frustration and disappointments by following good orderly direction to stay within boundaries of good behavior as we regroup, and rebuild our lives, and regain our strength, and confidence because we know that it gets better, if we do better. Its starts with leaving the other person alone and focusing on friends, family, and activities that we enjoy.

While we all have been through those intense feelings of hurt and shock we work through them and put our est foot forward for ourselves ad the feelings get less intense the busier we get. Most times such bad events show us our own flaws to work on and improve and learn from.

For now I think you should think long and hard before you act or speak and get yourself under control, and every time you get a panic attack, and want to text or talk to this fellow, get up, look around and perform a chore or task or just walk away from the phone or call a friend. Anything that helps you get control of yourself for long enough to calm the hell down and not be stupid, and have NO more CONTACT with this fellow. Call mom instead and brighten her day with good news.

Do anything positive for yourself and before long it's a habit that will get you from being a junkie for some guy that wants nothing to do with you. And stop making excuses why you can't do these things for yourself, or see a doctor. Sit down right now and make a plan to do these thing for yourself. No more texts, NOT ONE!! Get a JOURNAL and write everything down when you feel overwhelmed, and anxious, or want to text him. Do this now, and keep it with you at all times, ready to write your feeling down instead of act on them.

If you cannot help yourself just by listening and taking suggestions then don't expect to be better. There is no shame in asking the right people for help, nor do other have to know why you are seeing a doctor. Drop the excuses.

[Pihu123000]

I'm trying to be strong and better. But I think I need a Psychologist...
I just cant gather strength . I feel so weak.

[odinn7]

You do need one so you better gather the strength. It will help you.

[Pihu123000]

I just got to know last night ,That guy has a new girl in his life that's why he's showing no interest.
Why are guys so insensitive.
The girl whom they show big dreams , talk big , talk all the time and then they get flipped to another chic in hardly 4 days ! And before 4 days , i was the goddess and after 4 days another girl is ruling their heart.
Is it some manufacturing defect in every guy's making, sorry no offense ! But guys flip so much.
They are always in hunt of a new flesh.
Loylaity is a mere word now just like sorry is.
No feelings, no regrets & no guilt they're ever in .
How bad can a human be to another human ?
Its the girl who keeps feeling miserable and get anxiety attacks and what not because of such losers.
Does love actually exist ? Or is it some flip over games that the whole world plays?

[talaniman]

They guy is only half the problem. It's the girl who has to judge whether the guy's talk and actions match, before she believes the talk and gives a guy her heart. It's not just guys either as many a female talks without the right actions behind it. And yes guys freak out too when such a thing happens to them.

Yes there is love, but its more than just sweet words uttered by a charming stranger. Now take your heart back, and heal, and stop the foolish nonsense of chasing this guy. You had plenty of warning about him, but you ignored the warning.

[Alty]

I kept bragging my past stories, he kept motivating me and loving me side by side. He pampered me, loved me, motivated me and was there with me. But I was never focused to him, I kept running behind my past and I very transparently him I'm stuck in my past.

What did you expect? Really! He wanted to be with you, you pushed him away, so he found someone else. It doesn't matter that you're suddenly ready for a relationship. You can't expect him to sit around and wait for you. Now that you're ready, he's moved on.

That doesn't make him a bad person, it just means he tried, he was rejected, and he moved on. You should do the same thing!

[odinn7]

...And you are generalizing about men when I have known plenty of women in my life that fit the same conditions that you have said of men.

[1bluesky]

I see the pattern here: you are attracted to your past. Not to the people, but to your past!

And that IS your problem. SO, if you love yourself at all, you MUST stop thinking about your past. It is an obsession.

Here is a practical advise: You must ask yourself if you are smart enough to start focusing on your future and present life. If you think you are that smart then, go for it. Means: go meet another guy, for the start anyone decent would do, and get rid of being attracted to your past. This also means, you MUST not brag yourself to the new date about your past!

However if you think you are not that smart and you are too weak, then so be it. Except it, and live with that.

[Pihu123000]

I know I've done mistakes.
I've spoilt it all for myself.
I cannot blame it on anyone except myself .I cant date anyone now. I'm scared. I just cant trust.
I feel broken apart.
There are people with me , taking care of me , but I'm feeling lonely in the whole crowd.
Daily I'm taking one step ahead to get rid of these feelings and daily I find myself a step backwards.
May be its just a process.
I am only hoping for better days.
I really want to come out of the pain. Its killing me inside out. I don't feel like going anywhere, still I push myself . I don't feel like eating anything, still I eat. I'm suffering from insomnia and if I sleep I get up frightened and with so much anxiety that my heart seems sinking.
I'm following every advice of yours. I'm trying hard to rise above all this. When I read any of your posts , it encourages me.
I'm feeling a lost of direction in life. I don't know what path am I walking on ot where my life is going.
I'm fearful, anxious, rebellious, sad all the time.
I so want to get tid of these feelings ASAP.
I know I screwed with that guy. I shouldn't have bragged about my past . I know I am wrong. I regret I feel guilty about it.I asked for a decent sorry and expressed my feelings , but its late since he already has a girl.
Its ok, I'm in no contact . Because I don't think I ever loved him nor did he.
I'm just loney in the crowd of so many people.
People around me are nice and lovable , still I feel nothing.
Sad depressed all the time.
I have no motivation to live or do anything...
It Feels so numb and lonely with a constant heart ache.
At times i get scared to even write a post here , thinking that i might be the one irritating everyone .
I'm just feeling helpless.