[talaniman]

Give it thought my dear, as taking care of his son properly is more important than his bills and such for sure and would you even be in this position had he talked with you in the first place? He screwed up, why should your son be put on hold because he chose to act in the way he did. He doesn't deserve to be put as a higher priority than you and your son at this time in my book.

I hope false hope of getting back together doesn't cloud your judgement, or make you go along with his program any longer, since it didn't work for you and your son in the first place. Why continue with it?

Give it thought and tell your heart to shut up on this for a while. His well being IS NOT your priority right now.

[busymomma2013]

I do not get it! He called me and I missed the call, so I called him back and he said that he pocket dialed me. I said okay bye. He said what is D doing? I said playing bye. He asked how are you? I said fine bye. He said what you don't want to talk? I said talk about what? Bye. He finally go off the phone. Then he texts me and says you know we can still be friends and talk. I ignored him. Then he texted and said or not if you don't want to. I then responded with You know, you are the one that needs time and space... not me... I am giving you that. Talking aboutdaily life activities is not going to give you time or space. And you already know how I feel. Besides, how can you be friends with someone you just told that you couldn't stand? You did just basically tell me that Saturday on the phone. His response was, K. fine, I guess we don't have to be friends if you don't want. I have to go back to work now.

Why does he want to be friends and talk if he needs time and space?? Ughhhh... I hate this!! I do not want to be the bad guy who doesn't want to be his friend, but it is really hard right now!

Should I respond to his last text or leave it at that?

[smoothy]

Me personally, I think he's stringing you along to push off you going after the support money you and your child are owed as long as he can get away with it.

Every month that passes that he doesn't have to pay is a month more he gets to keep it and a month more you don't have it to use for food, clothing etc.

That's my gut speaking...

[busymomma2013]

I honestly have thought that... and asked him about that. He said that he is not worried about the money.

Who knows...

[talaniman]

Listen with your head, and not with your heart, and I think you will get it. Like Smoothy's gut says, staying on your good side is what he is after. Just curious if he is helping you adequately financially so far?

[Cat1864]

I don't want to upset you and I know this may seem harsh, but you need to stop trying to make his life easier. I understand not wanting to upset him and not causing fights over who owns what but you need to start paying attention to the way he is playing you and getting everything he wants while you wait for what you and your son need.

He is acting like a selfish child if he couldn't let you have the pictures you wanted when you aren't asking for pots, pans, furniture, etc. How many other things have you thought about taking that have sentimental value to you and he made you feel guilty or got upset?

You helped him figure out how to pay his bills. Are you going to walk him through doing laundry and dishes? How far are you willing to bend over backwards to keep peace?

You have mentioned your belongings. What about your son's clothes, toys, furniture, etc.? Are you leaving those behind and starting over?

I understand being worried about him losing his house and the expenses. However, look at your own. Look at the burden for your and your son's care shifting from him to your parents who are supporting you while you find a job and make new living arrangements.

Personally, I think he has probably been putting his plans in motion since he decided to buy a house or when he closed on it. This does not appear to be an overnight decision regardless of how he is trying to portray it to you. Please consult a lawyer and find out what your rights and responsibilities are. It is in his best interest if he can keep you waiting on him and his needs while he goes ahead with plans you know nothing about. He wouldn't be the first person to act confused and wishy-washy about his plans while covering his own assets and building a new life.

Please be careful.

[busymomma2013]

He has offered me money, but I turned it down, Twice I think. He pulled a 100 dollar bil out of his wallet...


About our sons belongings; I asked how he wanted to do that and he said he would buy new stuff. So, I am taking all of his stuff.


I have not really purchased much with my own money because my money went towards electric, cable, phone, etc. when I had it. So, I have not thought about taking much else.

Everyone s telling me the same thing. I suppose that it was I need to do. I am realizing he is trying to keep me waiting because it is convenient and at the moment cheap for him.

It is becoming clear.

I really do still love him and can not believe that this is happening for real. :(

[talaniman]

I really do still love him and can not believe that this is happening for real. :(

We know that...

>CYBER HUG FROM US ALL<

[DoulaLC]

So very sorry that you are having to go through this. I know how much you just want to keep the peace and move on, but if you think this may be a permanent break, please do seek legal counsel to learn how to protect yours and your son's best interests. Often people don't think their partner would try to take advantage, but often when money starts to get involved things can sadly become surprisingly nasty.

For your son it's not just the present, but for long term support.

It is perfectly understandable that you still love him, and who knows where things may stand in 6 months, but if you both do end up going your own ways, your son will still need to be supported for years to come.

[busymomma2013]

Do I have to act on everything right now? It is all so much crap to go through.

He called me again last night to ask about finances. I told him that I thought I asked him not to contact me regarding his bills anymore. He got mad and said that if we can not be friends we most certainly will never be ever to get back together.

It kills me when he brings up getting back together. It makes it harder for me to move on and take action against him. I know that I need to though.

I mentioned to him about child support and what not. Now he wants D every other week. So I would get D for one whole week and then he would get D for one whole week. I am going to have a very hard time doing that. I have been with my son for the last five years and have only had him gone for a couple of nights at one time.

I want to do things the "friendly" way. I know I am going against everyone suggestions.

I let my ex know that our son is telling people that his dad is mean and kicked us out. My ex's suggestion was to take him to the park together. I am not telling our son that his dad kicked us out or that his ad is mean. And I most certainly do not talk to anyone about what is happening in front of him. So, I am not sure why he is saying stuff like that. I do take D aside when he says stuff like that and explain to him that his dad is not mean to us and he did not kick us out. I told him that we are not together anymore and that he is more than welcome at his dad's house whenever he wants to go.

I see everything that everyone is telling me. I do see it. But right now with it only being just a couple days past a week since this nightmare began, it is hard to take action. I think I am going to take action as far as getting my son in school and finding myself a job. But everything else will come with time.

[talaniman]

You already know he is capable of great disruption, and the simple truth is he does it for his own purpose. That calls for YOUR simple truth, friendly or not, and that's to resist his program, and run your own. You can be friends, but not JUST under just his terms and conditions, and he has to solve his own daily problems because you have your own. When he talks of getting back together, then you simply tell him its NOT fair for you to take a chance of getting kicked out again.

He may talk nice but he is hardly friendly to you so why are you so stuck on being "friendly"? Calm, yes friendly, oh hell NO!

Bless your son's heart for being honest and DIRECT. He is absolutely RIGHT. From the mouths of babes. You don't put this fellow first. Stop that right NOW!

Cover your own A$$, and stop with this friendly crap. You don't have to holler to tell him to F#### OFF! Just stop letting him run YOUR show. Handle your business, cry later.

[Cat1864]

D is five. He hears and knows more than you think he does. Abruptly leaving the only home he has known to live with his grandparents is a very big clue that things aren't right. He may have also overheard other people including your parents talking about the situation. Has he been around his cousin? The cousin may be telling him what he has heard your brother and sister-in-law discussing.

As much as you may want to keep this between you and the ex, there are a lot more people involved. So continue to give D the love, support and guidance he will need to get through this upheaval in his life.

It may seem harsh, but unfortunately this has to be dealt with now rather than later. You can be friendly but be proactive at the same time. Consulting a lawyer is for your protection and your son's. Having a mediator sit down with both of you to draw up a parenting plan, visitation, custody and financial arrangements is keep from having a verbal agreement that won't hold up if he decides to change his mind. If the two of you can come to an arrangement that is in D's best interest then do so, but before you finalize it have someone with experience in child custody cases look over it.

As for the very other week visitation, has he thought this through? With the school year about to start is he willing to take D to school every morning and pick him up when school is out? Has he made arrangements for D's care while he is working or did he just throw this out to shut you up about support?

[DoulaLC]

Don't rush anything but do take steps that are necessary at this point. School for your son, job for you, any child care arrangements that may be necessary, and financial security for you son. You can remain on friendly terms while still setting things in motion.

Let your boyfriend know that he made the decision to separate so you have no choice but to get some things organized. Tell him that it is not realistic for you to just wait to see what he wants to do. If you get back together at some point, fine, finances and such will go back to what they were, but you need to prepare for not getting back together since that is a possibility as well.

He has left it all up in the air, still figuring out what he wants, but you don't have that luxury.

If you do decide to get back together at some point, suggest couples counseling before you move back.

[busymomma2013]

Yes, that is my plan.

I am going to do things slowly and take care of the more important things right now.

I have a job interview tomorrow, so I am excited about that!

[CFZD]

11 years and he hasn't married you yet? It's quite a red flag, you should end this and protect your rights NOW!