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kathyu · Jul 29, 2014, 10:30 PM

My child is been bullied for so long. Now she wants to home school what should I do.

J_9 · Jul 29, 2014, 11:18 PM

You are going to have to give us more information. How is she being bullied, what have you done to stop this?

kathyu · Jul 30, 2014, 06:57 AM

I guess most would call typical.. but it is all the time and nothing has helped. I am worried that her learning is going to suffer.

odinn7 · Jul 30, 2014, 07:18 AM

My daughter is cyber schooled through a state approved program. We pulled her out of school in 7th grade for 2 reasons...one, the teachers in our school district were not holding up their end and ignoring students that were not catching on and 2, for security as I feel safer with her not being in school. By 7th grade, she was already socially adjusted...she had friends, she was in programs like Girl Scouts and weekly bowling leagues...this is the main problem that will will face with home schooling....you want the child to be able to handle themselves around people and other kids. That is one thing that school does for them.

kathyu · Jul 30, 2014, 07:27 AM

Right. But is teaching her how to deal with people if she is in a overly stressed environment and becoming shy withdrawn is it time for homeschooling where she can build confidence and meet people elsewhereI am very afraid of making a mistake.after 2 years of her feeling this way in seeingthe dread in her eyes when we talk about the upcoming school year

odinn7 · Jul 30, 2014, 07:40 AM

Nobody can answer this for you and tell you what to do. We don't know you or your child.

smoothy · Jul 30, 2014, 08:39 AM

One important thing she's NOT going to learn being home schooled iis social interaction and learning to deal with others... all kids do it to a degree and it teaches you how to deal with people who don't like you. And when she becomes an adult she will be ill equipped to deal with people that aren't friendly towards her. And nobody is REQUIRED to like another or even be nice to them.

Certainly there is a point where what's normal becomes being over th e top... but nothing you have given us indicates that it has... there are always kids on the preschool playground that don't like you, and until the day you die there will be adults around that might not like you, and at every stage of life in between.

Sometimes they don't even have a reason.. sometimes its due to a bizarre behavioural patterns or habits some people have ( which will haunt them for life until the break them).

Kids can be cruel to other kids, always been that way, and always will be... but I believe sheltering kids too much leaves them unprepared to deal with lifes adversities.

I believe the biggest reason for home schooling would be if you live in a horribly disfunctional and failing school district. And only if private school isn't an option.

I don't think most parents are equiped to handle home schooling. I am not opposed to home schooling. I just think the average parent doesn't have the education to teach their children middle or high school level courses. And many that do, might not have the tallent teaching effectively takes.

Wondergirl · Jul 30, 2014, 08:46 AM

Please know that homeschooling does not mean you plunk you child in front of a computer program for so many hours a day and voila! the child gets a complete education. One or both (preferably) parents will have to be involved to direct the studies, answer questions, and make sure the child is getting full value. Plus, as odinn7 mentioned, the parent(s) will be responsible for the child's social life, getting him/her into sports, Scouts, 4-H, park district programs, or whatever will satisfy the child's social needs.

Which then takes us back to the bullying problem...the social atmosphere. Why is she being bullied? Does she present a certain demeanor that encourages other children to pick on her? Does she need to learn how to be more assertive and stick up for herself? A counselor who works with bullied children might be a terrific person for your daughter to meet with.

kathyu · Jul 30, 2014, 10:05 AM

Tried the counselor route at school.
Maybe I should try a private one.
I loved school and want her to have good memories. As far as why? Somehow she ended up on the outside of the popular group of kids that are causing her grief. And it won't seem to end I wish I knew why?

Am aware of that just interested in similar experiences. And points of view. It's not like this is going to definitively make my decision.? :\

smoothy · Jul 30, 2014, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by kathyu

Tried the counselor route at school.
Maybe I should try a private one.
I loved school and want her to have good memories. As far as why? Somehow she ended up on the outside of the popular group of kids that are causing her grief. And it won't seem to end I wish I knew why?

You are her mother... you see her differently than everyone else... you would likely be the last person to notice something the average kid might find annoying because you love your daughter and don't see her as someone else's kid.

When this happens there is usually a reason it happens. I never said it's a good reason... or a justified reason, or that any of them is right, just that there is a reason. And the rest goes with mob mentality... and its worse with girls than it is boys.

Adults do it too, they just aren't as overt about it. And why its important she learn how to deal with it... and if shes get good at dealing with it... she can learn to manipulate it to her favor.

And from personal observations....after high school these girls are not going to be the successful ones.....because they will find their clique mean nothing and nobody is impressed so and so is friends with so and so any more. And its a tough habit to break.

Your daughter might feel put upon now....but popularity in high school does not equate to success in life after high school.

I think its because the kids that are put upon are better equiped to deal with adversity as adults...than those who were part of the special charmed ones growing up. At least that was true for most of them after I graduated. And I still am in touch with many of them 35 years later....so I've seen how many of their lives have progressed.

I wasn't part of any of those groups...I was one of those few that managed to move in and around all of them and have friends in all of those groups and not be pigeonholed into any one group. And there were not many that could do that in my school.

Oh I wasn't everyones friend...far from it. At the time I would have liked to be part of one of those popular groups...but I wouldn't have been comfortable being in any of them....because I had too much in common with the other groups as well as the popular groups. I didn't want to give up who I was to fit into anyone elses clique.

Yes I'm one of "those" people who say if life gives you lemons, make lemonaide. I've made a pretty good life and nest egg doing exactly that.... I don't feel wallowing around in self pity helps anyone....yuo take what you have, and what you have availible...and say, how can I make the most of this......then you set out to do it. And no I wasn't always a Type A personality.....I was once a fairly quiet and fairly shy guy. One of the carpe Diem moments in my life required me to do a lot of things I disliked and feared....Now I consider my lack of fear or reluctance of those to be some of my most valuable assets.

odinn7 · Jul 30, 2014, 11:22 AM

My daughter is excelling in cyber school. As I mentioned earlier, it is approved through the state and it is a very difficult education. many people think that cyber school is easier but it's not. It seems to be more advanced than our school district and also, the student has to be more responsible. As WG said, you can't just plop the kid in front of the computer and that's it. There does need to be a parent there to help guide them.

And as I already said...socializing is very important. Our daughter still participates in bowling with other kids weekly (2 leagues a week, she loves bowling and is very good at it) and she does Girl Scouts. We know some kids that have been doing this cyber schooling since early on, and to be honest, you can see that some of them are not socially adapted. They get nervous and even panic when people are around in larger groups and they have trouble interacting with other kids. This is the most important part of it all.

DoulaLC · Jul 30, 2014, 06:01 PM

kathyu,

How old is your daughter? Do you know if her school has an anti-bullying program that they present and support with students? What have her previous teachers and the principal mentioned when you have discussed it with them?

talaniman · Jul 30, 2014, 06:05 PM

It would seem addressing the bullying a long time ago would be the way to go, and may still be the best priority.

smoothy · Jul 30, 2014, 06:08 PM

I'm still curious about what exactly is being called bullying in this case. Mostly because I've heard cases called bullying recently that is an everyday reality as an adult in many jobs. (like not being included in certain groups, invited to certain parties or being one of the last picked for teams in phys ed) While there are also clearly other cases where there is no doubt. (being physically beaten by one or more people for no reason at all, clothes being hidden and taunted in the locker room, being teased for being a late developer in the locker room)

teacherjenn4 · Jul 30, 2014, 07:30 PM

Bullying is absolutely a no-no in any setting, especially in a school setting. It needs to be dealt with by the administration immediately.

smoothy · Jul 30, 2014, 07:33 PM

But WHAT was happening... we don't have a clue. I've seen things called bullying that clearly weren't (not being invited to a birthday party others in the class were being one), and seen plenty of things personally that clearly were.

odinn7 · Jul 30, 2014, 09:08 PM

There is a mother in our school district....we know her as my daughter and her daughter are friends...CONSTANTLY she is talking about how her kids are bullied. This week it's this kid, the next week it's this other kid...it never ends. You know what bullying is to her? They don't want to be friends with her kids. They get up and move if their kid sits near them at lunch. One kid didn't want to be friends anymore so he was a bully. One of her kids got glasses and others laughed...bullies. It goes on. She is quick to call out bullying so whenever someone says their kid is being bullied, I am cautious as to what constitutes bullying also.

teacherjenn4 · Jul 30, 2014, 09:31 PM

I agree that bullying seems to be rampant, even though it may not be actual bullying when investigated. In California, all cases of bullying have to be investigated. We just finished another day of training on this topic for the upcoming school year. If the mom feels her daughter is a victim of bullying, she needs to bring it to be attention of the school administration. They can decide if it's true or not.

kathyu · Aug 1, 2014, 08:55 PM

Well we did and everyone was spoken to and I feel like the actuall bullying has been stopped. But the damage has been done. A shunning is what I would call it now. And nobody can make them friends. Or treat her as part of the group or comfortable in the group.. thoughts?

teacherjenn4 · Aug 1, 2014, 09:47 PM

There are other students in the school besides this group. Can you invite some new people over so she can socialize with others? Being with the popular group isn't working out, so I'd help her find new friends, whether it is through activities, sports, a study group, etc. My last idea, if trying to make new friends at the current school doesn't work out, is to ask for a transfer to a nearby school.