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    UFC Fighting's Avatar
    UFC Fighting Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 12, 2014, 07:04 PM
    What do I do if I think my mom is cheating on my dad?
    So I'm 12 and about 9 months ago my mom started acting really weird. Her and my dad kept getting into arguments and wouldn't talk to each other for a few days straight. Then my mom got a new phone and that's when it all started. She would text constently, (which she never did before), I also saw here on Craigslist answering a message about a new friend. She also doesn't put names in her phone. I've seen emails about her writing to guys saying she will call them in a minute and she goes in the other room and talks on the phone for about 30 minutes to an hour. Then during the day all she does is text and talk on the phone to guys. She also goes out at night from 11:00 to about 4:00 all dressed up. Once a hotel receit fell out of her purse. I've tried to ask her what it was and she always got all mad and defensive. One of the times I got grounded it was because I asked her if she was cheating on my dad and she got mad and told me to never ask her that and it was none of my business. I've read answers to things other people have said but they all say to ask and have done that and I got grounded for a month. I am not doing that again. Im not close with my mom any more and I've never been close with my dad so all I do is sit in my room and play Call of Duty with my friends as my escape. I just want things to go back the way they were. Can anyone help? Perfurably an adult that went threw this when they where younger.
    smearcase's Avatar
    smearcase Posts: 2,392, Reputation: 316
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    #2

    Jul 12, 2014, 08:51 PM
    I don't believe that there is anything that you can do that will help or prevent whatever situation is developing from developing or not.
    You could be wrong in your assumptions. But you do have the advantage that some children do not have, and that is that you know something may not be right.
    You have the opportunity to plan and think about how you will handle the situation if your theory is correct. Aside from hoping for the best and planning for the worst, anything else can make things much worse. I went though some similar (not exactly like yours) events at even a younger age than you. Concentration on my schoolwork, playing sports, and enjoying my time with my friends was all I could do and I got through it and so can you.
    Our neighbors are right now going through something similar and their worst fear right now is how they will explain what is happening to their 11 yr old daughter, without her taking sides and trying to place blame. This will all be a big shock to her because she knows nothing. You are already better off than my friend's daughter. You can start to sort it out in your mind before anything happens and there is still a chance that nothing will happen. Good luck to you.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    Jul 12, 2014, 10:22 PM
    It's a sad place you are in. Being only 12, and knowing something is wrong. And then to ask what's going on, only to be punished, and there is a good chance you are being punished for the bad choices of your mother.

    It is a sad fact of life that 50% of us have lived through our parents' divorces. What causes those divorces in my opinion, which is totally unscientific, is one or the other party is cheating. Some marriages survive these 'events', but without some serious counseling to figure out why things went so wrong, failure happens more often than not. Again, my unscientific opinion here.

    But never, ever, ever, is it the fault of the children- you do realize that right?

    While you are in a position of knowing something is wrong and unable to get answers, you are being neglected, and left on the sidelines while your parents battle it out. The answers will come soon enough, and I agree with smearcase that nothing you can say or do will change anything.

    9 months and counting, is a long time to be coping with this situation. Is there anyone you can talk to that you'd feel comfortable with? Maybe an aunt or grandparent?

    I hope this works out for you, and your family, one way or the other. You certainly aren't alone in going through this.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #4

    Jul 12, 2014, 10:57 PM
    Sadly it really is none of your business. Your parents are responsible for their marriage, not you.

    I find it odd that your mom is doing all these things and your dad hasn't noticed and questioned anything. She stays out until 4am and he doesn't notice? She's always texting and talking to guys but he hasn't noticed? Maybe he doesn't care. If that's they case, you shouldn't worry about it either.

    I'm sorry that you're in this position, especially since it sounds like you have not even one parent to turn to. Do you have an Aunt, Uncle, Grandma, Grandpa, cousin, someone you can talk to about this? Someone that will help you deal with it? Because obviously your parents both only care about themselves.

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