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    ischa23's Avatar
    ischa23 Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jul 9, 2014, 09:52 PM
    I lost my mom four months ago
    I'm in so much pain I really had.thought.this grieving process
    Would be really easy it's hasn't been it has gotten worse
    I stop going church I don't pray anymore I don't know how long
    This process would be over lost of my mother I have lost my mom
    Lost my father he died.when I was 8 I never really understand.death
    Now I'm 30yrs old just lost of my mother I'm so confused
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #2

    Jul 10, 2014, 05:30 AM
    Four months is really not nearly long enough for it to be over... THe first few months were wasted on denial... the true grieving doesn't start until the reality really sets in... and that can take a year or more... the pain will never compltely go away when you think about it... but it will lessen because it's a part of life... we are born.. we live our lives, then we die. Some sooner than others... but in the end, everyone meets the same fate, so the best you can do is be the best person you can be, so you are remembered long after you are gone. And make the most out of life when you are still here because you only get one go at it. Don't waste it in self pity.

    Remember all the good things about them, and if you need to get grief counseling to help you to handle it... then do so. Losing a parent is never easy for anyone. At least to those of us that had normal happy families growing up.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Jul 10, 2014, 05:47 AM
    Many of us know exactly what you are going through. I lost my mom in 2007 and two months later my dad died. I was with both of them when they stopped breathing. The days, weeks, months after were very difficult. I felt like I had been beaten up and then beaten up somemore. And you know what, that's really okay. One thing I could take comfort in is the fact that my mom no longer had a Alzheimer's and my dad no longer had a brain tumor.

    We had the service for my mom and the next day was her birthday. I can tell you that was the most difficult day of my life thus far. I've never cried as much as I cried that day. And again that's okay.

    Almost 7 years later I can tell you the pain really has subsided. I still think about them and every Christmas I visit their grave sites. It's okay that you aren't feeling perfect over this. But time will make it better. I promise. We read this at my mom's funeral and I still love it to this day:

    God saw you getting tired
    And a cure was not to be
    So he put his arms around you
    And whispered,
    "Come to Me"

    With tearful eyes we watched you
    And saw you pass away
    And although we love you dearly
    We could not make you stay.

    A Golden heart stopped beating
    Hard working hands at rest.
    God broke our hearts to prove to us
    He only takes the best
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #4

    Jul 10, 2014, 07:55 AM
    ischa, part of your grief is clouded by being told that the man you thought was your biological father may not have been. ( https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...me-796188.html ) The feeling that everything you knew about her and your past was a lie adds a level of confusion and frustration to grieving and accepting the loss.

    You are grieving for more than your mother. Due to her 'friends' information you are also grieving for the man you thought was your biological father and the man who might be.

    Because of this, I am going to suggest talking to a grief counselor. Does the funeral home who handled your mother's arrangements offer grief counseling or referrals to counselors/bereavement support groups?
    ischa23's Avatar
    ischa23 Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    Jul 12, 2014, 01:39 AM
    Dreaming of my mother
    Ever since my mom passed it's been four months every day
    And night I have been nightmares of her death far as me seeing
    Her going to morgue her funeral my mom grave when she's holding her
    Hand out I hve been waking up like panic my husband said to I call him.
    Out of it.saying my mom is coming.see me I'm.scare of going sleep
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7691
    Expert
     
    #6

    Jul 12, 2014, 04:55 AM
    With this issue, you may want to consider, counseling, there is also grief counseling in groups.

    Was there issues with your mother, prior ?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #7

    Jul 12, 2014, 07:32 AM
    I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother.

    When did she die, and what was the nature of her death?

    The death of a loved one is a life event, eventually, for all of us. There are no easy ways to cope, and we aren't born with an instruction book on what we should feel, or experience after the death. It is different for every one of us.

    A death is sometimes a welcome event when the loved one has suffered with a terminal illness for far too long. When death comes unexpected and it is a death that is hard to make sense of, it is a difficult, very painful situation that turns the living who loved them, suddenly shocked with the unexpected tragedy.

    Either way, we all grieve in our own way, regardless of the circumstances.

    When the death of a loved one is causing so much stress and anxiety, that, for example, you are experiencing with these nightmares, it is time to seek assistance and not only learn that others have followed the same path you are on now, but that the process of grieving goes through stages. The better understood that is, the easier it begins to be, in working through the stages of death.

    Many people take advantage of seeking help through grief counseling for example. There are funeral homes that offer this service, or individual counseling through your own family doctor referral. I don't know where you live or what is available to you, but please seek counseling to help you work through this.

    It will get better, and it will get easier. But for now, your nightmares are zapping your strength, and the very most basic thing you need to do is ensure that you stay healthy. Counselling will help you learn about why you are feeling what you are, and understanding of going through the process of grieving will a much better path for you, than where you are right now without it.

    All the best to you.
    ischa23's Avatar
    ischa23 Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Jul 12, 2014, 12:23 PM
    My mom passed February 8,2014 she died of cancer she.got.rush er
    Night.of.feb 7 er doctors had put her life support I had find.
    Her cancer spread through her entire body she never told she wss
    That sick my brother knew.and.her.best friend I.had find
    Everything out.from.er doctor.while my mom n life support
    We had her waite and funeral on same day.feb 14

    My mom passed February 8,2014 she died of cancer she.got.rush er Night.of.feb 7 er doctors had put her life support I had find. Her cancer spread through her entire body she never told she wss
    That sick my brother knew.and.her.best friend I.had find Everything out.from.er doctor.while my mom n life support We had her waite and funeral on same day.feb 14 this pain feeling I.just.want.punch.things r.someone

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