[lileeob]

Am I crazy for feeling completely disrespected? This really upsets me as I gave him clear instruction to call me to bring him more milk because I'm breastfeeding and I pump for him. He gave her formula without even telling me, or asking me about it while he had her for the day. What can I do about this? Is there anything? Should I tell my lawyer that he has done this against my instruction? I'm so frustrated and hurt that he doesn't care at all about 1) what's best for her and 2)my wishes as a breastfeeding mother

[Wondergirl]

He ran out of pumped milk? How did he know what formula to buy?

[lileeob]

She is not on any formula, I want to strictly breastfeed and I pump for him. Yes he ran out but I live two minutes away and told him if he ran out to call me.

[Fr_Chuck]

So, why, did you not provide plenty of milk, ahead, for this time. What is he suppose to do, change his day, travel, because you did not provide enough milk?

While I do respect your issue, I will sound rude, and mean... but when the father, has his legal visitation time.. he does not have to follow every demand, and every wish of the mother.

[lileeob]

I would have drove, as he has no vehicle at this time. I gave him plenty, but I don't expect you to understand it doesn't just come pouring out of me, it takes time and effort to stock up on milk. But thanks anyway.

[DoulaLC]

Whether this falls under any sort of legal issue, I don't know, I wouldn't suspect so, but I know it was unthoughtful of him to you, but more importantly to his daughter. Perhaps he felt it was a way to get at you, or maybe he just didn't feel it would make any difference. For many people formula and breastmilk are thought to be basically the same thing.

How long have you be separated? Has he expressed any sentiment regarding the breastfeeding previously?

Maybe for future visits, if he has a set amount of time that he is with her, provide enough for an extra feed or two over what he should likely need. I'd start working on a supply that you can keep in your freezer.

[lileeob]

We have been separated for a few months, since April, and I've been trying my best to stock up, but it is sure tough to get a head start on it. I think I'm going to have to buy a better pump. He has expressed no care about her being breast fed or formula fed, he also once threatened to buy someone else's breast milk and have her wet nursed when we first separated. So, quite frankly I don't think he cares what she eats.

[tickle]

Ugh, someone else's breast milk would be a deal breaker for me. Surely any one could see that this would be a dangerous situation for your daughter, should he do this.

I would speak to your lawyer. This may be grounds for a drastic change in his visitation rights if he is threatening this.

[smoothy]

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Unless the child has a demonstrated allergy to formula.

Threats to use someone else's breast milk are just that... only empty words in response to hostility from you. I see a lot of hostility in your post... time to dial it back a few notches... one day soon the child will be able to understand the hostility between their parents.

[Cat1864]

Is there anything in the written custody/visitation arrangements that says she is supposed to be given breast milk and no formula? Are you at the point of having your lawyer talk to his lawyer instead of talking directly to your ex?

How do you know she was given formula if he did not tell you? What were the circumstances? How often does he have her?

I understand your feelings and that you don't know if he ran out, had a spill or changed to the formula to spite you. However, besides breast milk, what is best for your daughter is for the two of you to work together as Mother and Father instead of picking at each other as exes. This is the tip of a very big iceberg. It may be breast milk today, tomorrow it will be rules of good behavior, discipline, clothing, etc. You need to work together as parents. She does not need to see a divided front that she can exploit to get what she wants or to live in a constant state of confusion over what is allowed and what isn't.

I do not know how you get on the same page. Even parents who live together have different ideas over raising a child and have to learn how to communicate and compromise with each other. This will be a bit more complicated, but it has to be done for your child's sake. Perhaps family counseling, parenting classes, mediation through the court system, what ever it takes.

It will also take you staying calm and not allowing it to become personal. Next visitation, make certain to pack plenty of milk. Once again let him know you will be available if he needs more for any reason. Be pleasant. Be reasonable. If you wish to discuss formula or other parenting concerns with him, do so when your daughter isn't around or in earshot.

It may not be the pump. Stress can affect your milk supply making it harder to pump. Nursing babies stimulate the need to relax and let the milk flow. Machines don't. Try relaxing and imagining your daughter nursing. Don't think about your ex or other stresses in your life. It may make it easier for you to supply more. Good luck with continuing the breastfeeding.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...nt-793713.html

For the welfare of your infant child you need a better visitation and parenting plan that is much more practical, and in the interest of the child. Expecting him to co operate or do things the way you instructed was not the best idea and leaving an infant with what you know was a inadequate supply of milk was not a good idea either.