[NowWhat]

Ya think that would help? :)

I think I could swing that.

[Bluerose]

It's really good that he is talking to someone. Is he on meds? Maybe they could be changed. Have you both sat down and had a serious chat about the situation? Maybe together you could come up with ways to make things better. It is a very difficult situation you're in. Have you considered the fact that rather than stressed out he is perhaps depressed? Does he lose his temper or just go off quietly? I really feel for you both, you are really trying to help and he seems to be stuck in an unpleasant situation. Is he still working? Could he perhaps change his job?

[NowWhat]

He isn't on meds. He has to go in for a total physical first. I think he may be headed that way. Even though he doesn't like the idea of taking something. But his therapist has indicated that he is depressed and that is anxiety/stress level is dangerously high.

We have talked about things we could do to try and relax him or to just take better care of him. I am trying to change our diet (so we can all do it together) make sure things on my end are done when he gets home, i.e. the house is cleaned, dinners ready etc.

We are currently trying to sale our home and relocate. He doesn't like his job - he's burned out. But feels that he can't do anything about it because he is the sole bread winner. So, until our home sales and we can start over - we are stuck.

He doesn't take proper care of himself and I am so scared of losing him.

[Bluerose]

I'm glad to hear that there are some changes on the way. That may be all you need to feel more relaxed and see things a bit brighter. Good luck with the sale. Maybe when you move he can have a look around for a new job, too. Good luck. Got my fingers crossed for you both.

[goldeneye977]

Hi,
I am also in my mid 30s and am suffering from depression and a high level of anxiety and stress. My cholesterol levels are very high. I also am the sole bread winner in my family and am burnt out in my current job. On top of it, I smoke a lot - the more stressed I am, the more I smoke. My wife is worried sick too.

I have been trying CBT for 4 years now, but it hasn't helped. Medications do help but only temporarily. And they have had other side effects. So far, I have not been able to figure out anything for myself.

One thing I have observed that depression and the resulting anxiety saps me off my energy and affects the quality of my sleep which makes me feel weak the next day too and so on. I have lost a lot of oppurtunities in the last 6-7 years because of this. As a child I was always optmisitic and had boundless energy but now it's the opposite. The big difference that between now and then I believe is a change in my mentality. As a child I had boundless faith in God etc etc. This belief gave me a lot of inner strength and helped me take the ordinary vissitudes of life in my stride. Later on, due to some personal issues in my life, I lost the faith that an All-Good God is there to protect me. I also lost my idealism when I started working. Now I am filled with skepticsm about everything in life. I have tried going back to my spiritual beliefs but I can't since I now have serious doubts about the existence of God and other religious beliefs. But I think, if your husband has still not lost faith, it would be nice to inculcate some spirituality in him - believe me it helps and I would do anything to get my childhood innocent beliefs back.

A second thing that I have discovered is that the mind believes what it wants to believe. Low self-esteem is one of the side effects of depression and that fuels further depression - a vicious cycle. To break this, he needs to improve his self-esteem. He cannot do it himself, since his mind won't let him believe the positive things about himself. This is where you and his friends can step in. Praise him for every positive quality that he has. Make sure you don't get depressed when you see him sad, because that will make him feel worthless even more. Make him realize that he is your knight in shining armor and will always be. Don't act as if there is something wrong with him. Your friends should understand his depression and leave him alone when he is feeling tired (which will be often) without offending him. Note: Never ever make him realize that you are doing this because you want to help. The moment you do that his mind will make him feel that he is mentally handicapped and needs help from others.

In my case, I have given hints to my wife to help me in building my self-esteem. The poor thing tries hard and sometimes gets frustrated and that makes me even more frustrated. Because of my depression, I am not liked by many and have few (but dear friends). I pour my heart out to these friends of mine but I wish I was surrounded by more of such people. I miss my mom very much (she lives in India and I live in the US).

Hope that helps.

[goldeneye977]

I need ideas. Ideas of how to keep my husband stress free. (if that is possible)
We just found out that his stress level is dangerously high - to a point he could suffer a heart attack or stroke. (he's only in his mid 30's!!)
So, what kinds of things do you guys do to decompress? I need all the ideas I can get.
Thanks Alot!:confused:

Hi,
I am also in my mid 30s and am suffering from depression and a high level of anxiety and stress. My cholesterol levels are very high. I also am the sole bread winner in my family and am burnt out in my current job. On top of it, I smoke a lot - the more stressed I am, the more I smoke. My wife is worried sick too.

I have been trying CBT for 4 years now, but it hasn't helped. Medications do help but only temporarily. And they have had other side effects. So far, I have not been able to figure out anything for myself.

One thing I have observed that depression and the resulting anxiety saps me off my energy and affects the quality of my sleep which makes me feel weak the next day too and so on. I have lost a lot of oppurtunities in the last 6-7 years because of this. As a child I was always optmisitic and had boundless energy but now it's the opposite. The big difference that between now and then I believe is a change in my mentality. As a child I had boundless faith in God etc etc. This belief gave me a lot of inner strength and helped me take the ordinary vissitudes of life in my stride. Later on, due to some personal issues in my life, I lost the faith that an All-Good God is there to protect me. I also lost my idealism when I started working. Now I am filled with skepticsm about everything in life. I have tried going back to my spiritual beliefs but I can't since I now have serious doubts about the existence of God and other religious beliefs. But I think, if your husband has still not lost faith, it would be nice to inculcate some spirituality in him - believe me it helps and I would do anything to get my childhood innocent beliefs back.

A second thing that I have discovered is that the mind believes what it wants to believe. Low self-esteem is one of the side effects of depression and that fuels further depression - a vicious cycle. To break this, he needs to improve his self-esteem. He cannot do it himself, since his mind won't let him believe the positive things about himself. This is where you and his friends can step in. Praise him for every positive quality that he has. Make sure you don't get depressed when you see him sad, because that will make him feel worthless even more. Make him realize that he is your knight in shining armor and will always be. Don't act as if there is something wrong with him. Your friends should understand his depression and leave him alone when he is feeling tired (which will be often) without offending him. Note: Never ever make him realize that you are doing this because you want to help. The moment you do that his mind will make him feel that he is mentally handicapped and needs help from others.

In my case, I have given hints to my wife to help me in building my self-esteem. The poor thing tries hard and sometimes gets frustrated and that makes me even more frustrated. Because of my depression, I am not liked by many and have few (but dear friends). I pour my heart out to these friends of mine but I wish I was surrounded by more of such people. I miss my mom very much (she lives in India and I live in the US).

Hope that helps.

[dezzy79]

Hi , my name is Desire'e , I've been married to my husband Dan for 8 years now , we have two beautiful children , our oldest Devin is 15 , and our youngest is 6 . I had Devin before we met , but that has never mattered and he is MY HUSBANDS SON.. Ok , now about this stress , obviously when you husband is stressed you are stressed to , and it sucks , I don't know what your situation is but I'am disabled and have things wrong w/ me that prevent me from working , we are a very handsome couple and by looking at me you'd never know I was disabled unless it was a bad day and You saw me at the store in the riding chair , which hurts my pride when I have to do that , but , none the less you have to sometimes when your disabled . My insecurity is that I can't work and he works most times 12 hour days or more , just to keep up , he's used to working w/ three people helping and he's been the only 1 for months and months now . So , to keep him unstressed , I just let him Know that no matter what my social security will go through one day , and if we need help before that , I'll get a job wherever I can to help . He knows that I won't let this family go down if he were faced w/ unemployment or anything , he knows I won't let that happen and I Know . SO w/ him knowing that and knowing I'm there , and I give him back massages and (other things ) when in the mood. Back and foot massages work very well , you 'll have him falling asleep before you know it , and then you won't have anyone to talk too , oh well at least he's unstressed right?? Lol , have a very nice life and have fun , remember that part . Fun is free. Love, Desire'e

[Kayleelee]

My hubby is so stressed that his libido went down. But propose to him to be selfish and do things he wants to do. Although sometimes he needs a bit of nudging. He has a case of a small martial art center that won't let him out of the contract after he broke his clavicle in class (they want to have him continue to pay for a whole year (yes, twelve months!), but he can't train for a year, it broke in lots of pieces), I'm pregnant with our first child and we're moving back to my country and I recently lost my job and now no one wants to hire a pregnant woman who plans to leave in about 8 months. Since he has to pay for everything and it will cost a lot to move to another country, and he's afraid that his job won't let him quit so easily (notice it's every quarter of year instead of a few months prior) he just keeps getting stressed over everything and I can't seem to be able to help him much (except support him and give him my thoughts about the contract case). I stress that he will crack and 2 weeks ago, he told me he was near cracking, so I was very concerned. He has vacation time, but it seems hard for him to dare take them, so I have to force him with manipulative words... Such as make him try to see and feel how nice it would be to be away from it all for a few days. I have a hard time making him sleep in late (he can go to work at any time) just so he gets the sleep he needs for he seems tired all the time. Tonight, I "forced" him to watch a nice movie, take a warm bath (we love it) and then have some sex afterwards. Then, I said he could sleep later tomorrow (and sleep with the earplugs so as not to be disturbed - he's a light sleeper) and if need be, take that time of from a vacation day instead of working it off like he usually does. We'll see how it goes.

I guess sometimes, you need to push a person into getting away from it all.

Maybe arrange an "escapade for two". Organize it all, have someone take care of the kids and the dog and just be 2 young teenager in love again, or just relax, do whatever makes you feel great. For us, feeling like kids again is the best!

Good luck!

[excon]

Hello K:

If you tell me MORE about the legal case, I'll bet I can HELP you.

excon