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joy2theworld · Jul 2, 2014, 05:11 PM

So a while back I was hanging out and she got in trouble for something, of course the both of us got in trouble. Ever since then my parents have been saying that her and my group of friends a bad influence on me. I can make my own decisions and in the end it's my fault and no one else's. My mom seems to think that now my entire group of friends is a negative influence and she won't let me hang out with them because of one mistake which I don't think is really fair to anyone. I think it's fine to be friends with whoever you want as long as you realize what you are doing and what choices you are making. But now I'm left here with my parents constantly yelling at me when I even ask if I can go out and do something with one of them. I basically have no friends.. No one to talk to. A couple days ago my boyfriend broke up with me and I had no one to talk to about it. All I could do was cry. Me and him got back together the day after so I can still talk to him. My parents don't mind him. But I need girls to talk to because I don't want to be clingy. I have old friends that I've reached out to but all of their new friends hate me. My town is established into large groups and no one ever leaves or changes groups. My parents don't understand that I can't just go make new friends because I'm already part of a group, I can't change. It's messed up I know but that's how it works here. My friend never intentionally tried to hurt me or get me in trouble and I know you might say she isn't a friend if she put me in that situation. But she is the best friend I will ever have, she has been there for me through so much and all she did was make one mistake. One. My parents don't see that and won't even accept her apology, she even wrote them a letter. I just don't know what to do.

odinn7 · Jul 2, 2014, 05:42 PM

Age?

Hard to say anything since you don't want to tell us what that one mistake is...I mean, there is a difference between spitting on the sidewalk and shooting someone in the face...know what I mean?

joy2theworld · Jul 2, 2014, 05:52 PM

It was something that got us in trouble with police

odinn7 · Jul 2, 2014, 05:54 PM

Still not much information but yeah, if she caused it then she is a bad influence and I can understand what your parents are thinking.

So I am guessing you must be fairly young since you skipped answering how old you are because that makes a difference as well.

talaniman · Jul 2, 2014, 06:01 PM

And you think your parents should be okay with that? You don't think it was bad judgement on your part, and scared the hell out of your parents? Seems if you showed better judgement and behavior you would get more trust and more freedom and less hassle.

I don't know your age or history to be honest, but do you really think trouble with the cops helps your case? Maybe it wasn't your fault but you did get in trouble because of someone else right? What makes you think this friend won't cause more trouble for you as she already has with the cops AND your parents? What's next I wonder, and so should YOU.

Be a good girl and put your best foot forward and your parents may lighten up a bit but for now, recognize that you scared the heck out of them with this cop trouble incident.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 2, 2014, 08:25 PM

You appear to have changed groups.. one group is old friends, and not you with new friends in other group.

And the fact that the old group, but they hate you for some reason

You are being too full of drama and making statements that can not have any fact or truth.

Any and everyone can and do change. It appears you have chosen new friends that are not perhaps the right friends, and now old friends are having trouble accepting you back.

So you change, become the right type of person, and give friends chance to accept you again.

Without a lot of information, the more you talked. The more right your mom seems

odinn7 · Jul 2, 2014, 08:38 PM

Ah yes....I just went back through the old posts and they're quite revealing and now I see this from the parents view for sure...the OP is 14, maybe 15 according to earlier posts but there is so much more to see and read.

Studs ad · Jul 3, 2014, 12:09 AM

joy2theworld,

I wish there was someway that I could open your heart and mind and give you a glimpse of what your parents are trying to do. I know in your teenage "right now" state of mind this is next to impossible. It probably isn't a character flaw in you, but a part or period of your life when "no one understands".

We go through stages to adulthood. We move from helpless baby depending on our parents for everything to a point hopefully where we don't need our parents as much.
I found a little bird dead outside of one of our small trees the other day. I had watched previously as its parents rummaged through the grass for grubs and worms to feed the little one, hopping around peering out over the grass and moving on until they finally found a morsel of food. The time must have come for the little bird to fly on its own and couldn't and there it lay in spite of the good intentions of its hardworking parents. Life can be cruel and unsettling. I don't know why the little bird died, but I do know from watching its parents, that they worked constantly to provide for the future of that little one. Maybe they made a mistake and hurried the process along or maybe the bird just decided it was big enough to make its own decision and fell to its death, I will never know, but the results are the same. Do you think the parents wanted that little one to end up where it did? Of course not. Parental instincts are part of nature, including human nature.

Your parents aren't perfect. You didn't come with your personal troubleshooting manual at birth, so your parents had to make their own from their life experiences and instincts.

Sometimes little birds find the outside edge of the nest and their mothers push them back until they feel they are ready to fly on their own. If the little bird manages to find the edge and its mother isn't there the ending can be really sad.

If you want to find that edge of the nest by yourself, your parents probably can't stop you, but if you have any sense of direction, you need to know that your parents are going to keep you away from that edge until you are prepared to fly on your own. You will do what you want, but if you want a piece of wisdom from someone who has been where you are, then back away from the edge!

Meet with your mom and dad and tell them that you have a good friend, but that you trust their love and instincts for you enough to follow their advice even though it doesn't make you happy and may mean leaving that friend behind. We make mistakes as parents, but we always try to error on the good side of things. Let your parents help prepare you to fly before you try it yourself. I have known some poor parents in my life, but I don't think it was because they wanted the worst for their children. Trust and love them for caring enough about you to make the tough decisions. It isn't a party for them either. I am sure they have talked probably way into the night sometimes trying to come to a good choice for you. I wish you only knew that. Make good choices and trust and love those who are responsible for seeing that you do. I can't do anything for the heartache you feel, but I can promise you that good choices will help prevent future heartaches. Good luck young lady.

joy2theworld · Jul 3, 2014, 10:59 PM

I'm 16 and I'm not the type to get into trouble (some of my other questions in the past are my friends, not mine, if you looked through them). I'm like the goody goody of the group. This was definitely a one time deal, she says she regrets it, wishes it never happened, and that it won't ever happen again. She doesn't want to ruin anymore friendships. I completely understand where my parents are coming from, I just don't understand why they can't see that it isn't easy to just go out and make new friends. My old friends don't have a problem with me, it's their new friends that do. So yeah.