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Jason173 · Jun 22, 2014, 06:46 PM

I am 40y male East Asian. Married to a white woman. Married only once 15+ years. I can only have sex once with my wife then I am done. Frequency of sex used to be 2-3 times a week first few years. Now with kids once in 3-4 weeks.

I can masturbate at porn, usually lesbian porn 3 times a day easy. Within minutes. Why can't I have sex that many times with my wife?

tickle · Jun 23, 2014, 03:28 AM

Masturbating has ruined your spontaneity; it is too predictable.

Catsmine · Jun 23, 2014, 04:37 AM

Masturbation usually provides more intense stimulation in males, as they grip tightly for more friction. You might try leaving yourself alone for a day or three to allow the nerve endings in your member (silly automatic censor) to recover some sensitivity.

CravenMorhead · Jun 23, 2014, 06:57 AM

Once in a day or once in that 3-4 week period?

Jason173 · Jun 23, 2014, 04:40 PM

I am not sure about stopping a day or two. It makes it worse as I come too quickly. Masturbation helps with stamina, if done a day before. Maybe it's that my wife doesn't get into it. Maybe her lack of excitement makes me hard only once. Porn women make me horny. Any other ideas? Why I can't get hard more than once.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 23, 2014, 05:51 PM

You stop masturbation just stop it. Or share it with your wife to get horny, then it will get better with time.

Listen to yourself, the only way is with porn, you are adicted, and I bet, the more porn, the less sex with wife.

CravenMorhead · Jun 24, 2014, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by Jason173

I am not sure about stopping a day or two. It makes it worse as I come too quickly. Masturbation helps with stamina, if done a day before. Maybe it's that my wife doesn't get into it. Maybe her lack of excitement makes me hard only once. Porn women make me horny. Any other ideas? Why I can't get hard more than once.

Your arousal cycle isn't completely dependent on her. If my wife isn't into it but she's walking around naked, chances are I have a chubby that could sink an oil tanker. What you need to understand here is the difference between how a woman gets aroused and how you get aroused. Take your porn for example, the images of two women pleasuring each other gets you hard. It doesn't take much. With her it more of a mental thing that needs to be started a lot farther in advance. It isn't a matter of Showing her your member and she'll just want to jump you. It takes a lot more care and stimulation. It could be that you're expecting her to do that and when she doesn't respond to your advances you get turned off. Especially if you've just finished a session. Expecting more than one go at a time isn't always reasonable.

Stopping masturbating might be a good thing. Sure you'll have no stamina on the first shot, but that gives you time to stimulate your wife so that she's more eager for your second shot. There are possibilities if you wish.

I am also starting to agree with Fr_Chuck here. It honestly looks as you're starting to use porn as a crutch and neglecting your wife for it. There is a balance that you need to keep if you want to use porn and you're on the unbalanced side. Expectations derived from porn and expectations in real life are two vastly different things and when you expect your wife to perform like them than you're going to run into problems. You need to understand as well that your and more so your wife's, libido is going to drop. It is part and parcel of getting older.

That other problem is that you're being incredibly selfish here in only considering your needs and not the needs of your wife. This needs to stop, it is a team sport. You both win in the end.

Take a little time to contemplate what we've said here.

talaniman · Jun 25, 2014, 02:17 PM

Sex starts in the mind and its real easy for guys to get it going from images ad imagination, and do it exactly right and perfect. I can only suggest you change the focus to pleasuring your partner in many ways before you go for your own finish. Quality over quantity, and all that's required is to pay attention and let her get hers first. Who needs multiple rides when one is fulfilling and mutual?

Does she complain about your one ride? You want more stamina, let her pleasure come first, her way the way SHE wants it, and then worry about yours. You do know what she wants, don't you after 15 years? Maybe you should ask, or pay closer attention. Few of us are stud muffins or jack rabbits after many years, but no reason not to have mutual satisfaction.

Any guy can pull his pug everyday, without effort. With a partner, there is effort to please, and be pleased. Mutual effort. Maybe she doesn't want a second effort. Starts in your mind though, and requires getting into each others minds. Bodies follow when its MUTUAL.

Jason173 · Jun 28, 2014, 10:24 PM

What great advice to last two. Thanks. I agree

SamanthaLynn · Aug 26, 2014, 01:43 PM

I have been masturbating for years to fantasies even when I was married. I also found that I was not as interested in sex with my wife because she would not ever be in my fantasy or do what I fantasized about. In 04 I got into a relationship with a women and it took a while to get used to having sex with another person all over again. As others have said sex starts in the mind so in the morning before you leave for work suggest doing something in the evening or leave little notes laying a round where she will find them so it lets her know what's on your mind and prepares her for what you would like to happen.

1bluesky · Sep 6, 2014, 07:53 PM

Because you are not interested in having sex with her as much. Because she is not interested n having sex with you as much. Both are the truth.

So, now if you want to have real sex with your real woman, then toss porn away. Or ask her to watch it together. And then that will be a different story.

So, it's all about what you want.