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jerika7712 · May 30, 2014, 11:02 AM

I have an 11 month old daughter and I need advice on what to do concerning the birth father. First: my fiancée is not the birth father but we have been living together for over a year and he has helped me raise my daughter. Treats her like she is his. And we are getting married. 2: the birth father is very flighty. He ignored any attempts at contact with him while I was pregnant and saw his daughter one time at the hosptial to sign the birth certificate and then I didn't hear from him again until 2 months later. He will go months without seeing his daughter and during that time ignores all of my calls and texts. This past time he is ignoring all of my calls and texts and threatened to call the cops when I went over to his house to talk to him so I had to leave. I want him to terminate his parental rights but he refuses to do so. Is there anything I can do? I live in Norfolk VA and am 20 years old.

smoothy · May 30, 2014, 11:07 AM

FIle for child support...

Since child support ends if the child is adopted... thats a huge incentive to allow it to happen.

That's the only way his parental rights are going to be terminated,. because he's obviously no threat to the child.

Adoption rules vary somewhat....but most of them require you to be married.

stinawords · May 30, 2014, 01:11 PM

It doesn't really matter that he won't terminate his rights because he can't. Have you gone to court to get an order for child support? That would be the first thing you need to do if you haven't yet. Then, I don't know about VA but in most states you will need to be married for a period, generally a year, before your husband can petition the court to adopt the child. So, what you need to do is first get child support set up (if you haven't already), then get married, then shop around for an attorney because I will never ever recommend trying adoption without one. The bio father can still fight for his rights and go to court to ask for visitation. That is his decision to make. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to force him to be part of the child's life. On a side note I wouldn't want to force anyone into my child's life.

ScottGem · May 30, 2014, 04:00 PM

There is this myth that a parent can just give up or terminate parental rights. But its just a myth. Only a court can issue a TPR and courts are very reluctant to do so. The only way you will get his rights terminated is via a step parent adoption. Which will mean that after you are married your husband can then petition to adopt the child.

In the meantime, document your attempts to get him to visit. And yes, you should go to court for child support. At the least, it will provide him with an incentive to agree to the adoption.

I would start shopping around for an attorney now.

Fr_Chuck · May 31, 2014, 02:06 AM

After you and your fiancée are married, you can have him attempt to adopt, and then, the birth father can sign over rights to allow adoption... He can not just sign over rights any other time.

If eh does not wish to, you can not normally make him.

Have you filed for child support, is it being enforced. Sometimes that helps make them more willing to allow the adoption

AK lawyer · May 31, 2014, 06:47 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

...
If eh does not wish to, you can not normally make him.
...

But that doesn't mean that the court cannot terminate the father's rights, and allow the adoption, anyway.

ScottGem · May 31, 2014, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

But that doesn't mean that the court cannot terminate the father's rights, and allow the adoption, anyway.

Which is why I suggested that you document your attempts to get him to visit. The more you can show the court that he has not been exercising his parental rights, the better chance you have of a court granting the adoption. But they will not sever his rights except to clear the way for an adoption, at least from what you have said.