[Mamamejulie7]

Me and my husband have been together for nearly 13 years when I met him I was 19 and he was 33 (he's 14 years older than me).we have four beautiful children together, we went through a time when he used to scare me grab me by the throat and stuff like that, that's all stopped when the last time was about four years ago and I gave him a choice get help or I'm leaving, before I got pregnant withy first we were breaking up but then found out and he wanted to give it a go, we have had really happy times but about three years ago when we used to go out with friends he would mix his drinks and flirt with other women in front if me make sexual comments all the time which I really didn't like at all he made me feel awful and depressed but I love him and just ignored it then on his birthday we went out for a meal and he again mixed his drinks after we went to our local when our kids dinner lady walked in ( my son fancied her) my husband was telling her how beautiful she looked (in front of me) he pretended to take a photo of her breast which were bursting out of her dress by putting his wallet in between her boobs they were chatting away with his back to me he picked her up put her on a stool and they were like that for about half an hour all the while I didn't say anything but in my head I knew that was it I was leaving him. Also I found out about him giving a stranger (women) a lift into town in the same cab when in a night out anyway the next day I told him I was so mad but stayed so calm and told him I don't want to be treated like that and I was going. He begged ended up in hospital because he thought he was having a heart attack so I stayed and told him if he ever treated me like that again that's it. Two months later my cousins wedding again he mixed drinks and was chatting up the bridesmaid that was it. I told him we were over he moved in with his mum we had a holiday booked which he begged me not to let the kids down so I went he was so nice the nicest he'd ever been but I didn't want to go back. Mean while I'd met a really nice guy (to be honest I never touched or kissed him I'm not like that he knew I was married but I enjoyed feeling wanted) we were getting close and he wanted me to be with him always telling me how beautiful and caring I was we kissed I told my husband about it the next day he was gutted as far as I was concerned we were over. This all happened before the holiday after the bridesmaid thing, anyway things didn't work out with this guy as I still loved my husband we got back together but he says u had an affair he won't sleep with me unless we are having a drink he don't show me any love all he does is pick bad points out all the time I have tried talking to him and telling him how I feel and all he says is sorry I do love you, you should know that. Then last night again mixed his drinks again and started making sexual comments in front of women told one if my friends in front if me sometimes he's not in love with me but we work through it,grabbed another women by the waist ticking her just acting a so I walked home about forty minutes on my own he stayed until three in the morning now today he's all sorry saying he does love me and he feels a fool. I don't believe him I feel it's going back the same way again I've got my kids to think about. I know it's a long one and sorry if some don't make sense would really appreciate some help. Tell me what you would do and if you think he does love me and also do you think I was wrong for getting with someone more or less straight away when we split. There is so much more I'd have to write a book. Thank you for taking time to help out x

[odinn7]

Why put up with this? he keeps doing it because you have proven over and over that it is perfectly acceptable for him to do it...you get mad then you forgive him and take him back. Over and over. Why should he change? He won't.

[smearcase]

He's an alcoholic but I guess you realize that.
"he would mix his drinks" Do you mean he drinks beer and hard liquor back and forth?
Was he "mixing his drinks" when he grabbed you by the throat?
He needs to be treated for his alcoholism professionally, maybe AA but he needs a serious program.
He won't change with the alcohol induced behavior until he abstains from alcohol.

[Mamamejulie7]

Yes he was mixing drinks when violent,
Mixing drinks I mean lager, cider, wine and shorts rum he drinks a lot he will just all in one night.
I drink but just alcopops wkd I don't get drunk I hate not having control of myself and I really don't like what I see. X

[simpleman75]

It sounds like most of the issues occur when he has been mixing drinks?

First you have to decide if you want to stay in the relationship, and he does too. You were not in the wrong to have a non-sexual relationship so soon after the split, because his wrong doings had been going on much longer, more frequent, and in front of you.

If you guys agree that you want to stay together I would suggest a time of separation followed by counseling, he may need alcoholics treatment, as he could have issues with that.

The separation time will give both of you more time to think on whether you want to stay together and make the decision at a later time, after the bad memories have had a little time to heal.