[galand]

I would like to ask for your guidance.I am 20yrs I have had several relationships like 7 but my partners just quit and go silent when I insist to know the cause they tell me nothing was the matter and they leave me heartbroken now I fear loving or going into a relationship please help thank you

[odinn7]

What can we do? We don't really know you or how you do things. You will have to take a hard look at yourself and see if you can find what is scaring people off.

Are you annoying? Do you smell? Do you have weird habits? Are you clingy? Do you tell the person that you love them after only a few days? Things like this you need to consider.

[galand]

Yes,these could be one of the reasons but I respect ladies and I would never do all this but I don't know why ladies reject me I mean they feel uncomfortable near me yet I have no strange behaviour or anything strange and I am also very humble and caring or may I say I practice hospitality since it's from my heart

[Wondergirl]

Do you have a friend who might know why?

[joypulv]

'These' could be 'one' of the reasons? You were given 5 ideas. It couldn't possibly be all 5. Can you give us a clue?
You gave a little clue with your response by saying you are humble and caring. Humility is a good trait for some things, but it's a little strange to mention it in regard to relationships. And being hospitable isn't something that strikes me as a word I would use to use for getting to know someone either. It almost sounds like maybe you present yourself as a suitable man for a woman, with a set of good attributes, rather than finding out what really appeals to each other? And then try to leap into the more serious stage of the relationship, before you really know each other on many levels?

[galand]

I have some close and intimate friends but they tell me I am OK like my female cousins and my first ex-girlfriend told me she thought I was cheating on her but I knew she was lying I have now almost believed that no lady can love me and if they would then it's because there is no other man available in the meantime or they are mostlikely desperate

I am always myself and I always ask them to be free to tell me what I should change and we agree and I change and them to but not in a way to offend them my being hospitable is being there for them when they really need me or they are in a problem

[joypulv]

You do realize that it's a miracle when two people actually do like and love each other, right? We ALL go through failures. If you want to conclude that no woman can love you now, feel free to do so. Or you can learn from the failures and keep looking. There are 1-2 billion women your age out there!

You do have a sort of strange way of revealing absolutely nothing about yourself here. I think there's something about the way you view closeness that has driven the few women away. I would go back to the close friends and cousins and press them with more questions, and say you want honest critique.

[talaniman]

Often it comes down, I think to your interest/expectations do not meet theirs after a while, or they change their feelings but cannot or do not know how to express those changing feeling. I think rather than focus on the heartbreak, and inevitable risk in any relationship, focus on being grateful to the time spent, no matter how little it is.

Most times compatibility with a stranger is a short lived thing at best, seldom long enough for some or the other, but keep doing what you are doing and you will no doubt have the experience of your feelings changing, and know how difficult it is to express that to one that's still has keen interests in you. Then you will understand the other side of the coin of being dumped, when you are the dumper. Then you will learn that as much as rejection hurts, its more about them than you, and you shouldn't take it entirely personally.

Make sense? Few people know why they have a change of heart, let alone a change of mind. The real reasons are endless. Still sucks to be dumped though. But I suspect you may be a good guy, maybe too good for the females you give your heart to. So don't ask why you get dumped, just say thanks for the time they did give you, and move on. I mean do you really want to hear they want to try someone else, or list all they don't like about you? Naw, its only their opinions/feelings which may or may not be true, or relevant, or something that has to be changed. So why drag it out as it certainly never changes anything or makes you feel better.

After being dumped 7 times, you should already know to accept it graciously, disappear, heal regroup and be ready for the next thing in life. See it as an opportunity, not a defeat. Women are confusing enough without tripping on what they are thinking about, let alone what they say.

Knowing why they dump you will still suck, and you still have to deal with the heartbreak regardless.

[galand]

Ooh thanks a lot and God bless you

[smoothy]

People, or the nicer ones anyway... feel that pointing out all of the flaw you have that bothered them enough to leave... would be like kicking someone that's already down and won't put them through any uneeded indignity.

The cruel ones will point out every single one... perceived , or imagined.. to rub it in.

Most people preffer the former to the latter.

You only had 7 relationships?. that makes you a beginner. I had probibly dated 20+ before I met my current wife when I was 29. Some didn't last more than a couple dates, some lasted a couple years... if they walked away or I walked away its because the magic wasn't there for both of us. Meaning everything wasn't "right".

You pull up your big boy pants... and move on. They probibly already told you what the problem was, they almost always do, usually more than once... and you would have heard them if you was listening. So think back...you should be able to figure it out unless you really were ignoring them. In which case thats one of the problems.

[galand]

Thank you for your guidance I really appreciate but what does the following mean I can't clearly understand(You do have a sort of strange way of revealing absolutely nothing about yourself here. I think there's something about the way you view closeness that has driven the few women away).

[joypulv]

It means that the 3 words you used to describe yourself (caring, humble, and hospitable) tell me nothing!
I don't know how we are supposed to help you.
I have a feeling that we won't be able to 'see' what you are like in relationships, so again, I think you should ask one or two of your closest friends to give you some honest answers, not just what they think is nice. Maybe there really is nothing 'wrong' with you; we can't possibly know. But try to make them find something, no matter how trivial.
You are 20 - that means you are an adult. Are you in grad school? A real job? Do you have your own place, or do you live with your parents? Maybe those questions are concrete enough for you to answer, if you can't tell us more about your personality.

[Wondergirl]

I have now almost believed that no lady can love me and if they would then it's because there is no other man available in the meantime or they are mostlikely desperate

You are only 20. And have been in only seven relationships with girls/women. Back when I was your age, we didn't think so much about relationships, but dated many others and had a great time going out to eat or to a movie or to a concert or playing cards/games or going for walks in the woods to look at birds and trees or around town to look at buildings -- or whatever. I was trying to count how many guys I dated (age 15 to 20) before I got into a permanent relationship and got married (age 21.5) -- but lost count at 29.

Dating is the only way to figure out who you are and who they are, what you like and don't like about someone, and how to act and react (and if those ways please you or not). I remember one date wanted to be exclusive by the second time we went out -- NO! Another date insisted I be available whenever he called -- NO! One date did not want to hold hands or be touched in any way, even a pat on the arm. Another date didn't respect the curfew rules my parents had set for me -- NO!

What I'm trying to say is dating lots of girls/women is how you learn -- like I said earlier, learn about yourself and your tolerance level and about how others act toward you and how much you want to put up with it if it crosses your boundaries. You become more open and accepting but also more careful in who you deal with and how you deal with them. Plus dating casually is lots of fun.

Is casual dating acceptable where you live?

[1bluesky]

If your partner doesn't want to talk about it, then you have to take it that way. This is how it works in relationships: it's two way street, and of one party wants to get their way, unless there was an agreement that tells opposite, then you can nothing do about it.

Advice: look forward in your life.