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beplmi · May 12, 2014, 07:01 PM

So I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months. The love bomb has not been exploded but he has no temptation in telling me he doesn't love me. I have not said anything like "I love you" or any hint towards it, but sometimes he thinks I am saying it when I'm just telling him I am happy with him. So when someone shouts out "I DON'T LOVE YOU" am I wasting my time or is it because he's not actually ready to love me.. SO confused?

smoothy · May 12, 2014, 07:23 PM

You've dated only 4 months... NOBODY loves someone at 4 months... they might be deeply in LUST with them... but lust and love are very different things. Love usually takes years to grow as in multiple years. Lust will fade by then.

beplmi · May 12, 2014, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

You've dated only 4 months... NOBODY loves someone at 4 months... they might be deeply in LUST with them... but lust and love are very different things. Love usually takes years to grow as in multiple years. Lust will fade by then.

I agree with that. But to say it so mean and blunt, makes me feel like he is not capable of loving me

smoothy · May 12, 2014, 08:02 PM

I'm a direct person... that's just how I am.

Nobody said he will not be capable of loving you in the future... Only time will tell. Maybe he will, maybe he won't... you might even find when your lust wears off you see a different man than you do now and it will be you that doesn't.

talaniman · May 12, 2014, 08:55 PM

He doesn't love you, and doesn't want you to love him. Yes you are wasting your time with this very rude fellow. Why would you even date such a clod that has no consideration for your feelings?

odinn7 · May 12, 2014, 09:28 PM

How old is he? Whether he is in love with you or not...this sounds like grade school...yelling out "I don't love you." How absolutely childish.

Why waste your time with someone so immature? Is he 12? 10? 5?

Jake2008 · May 13, 2014, 05:48 AM

He doesn't love you, and I don't know how else he can get you to understand that. You either love someone, or you don't love someone. It's like being pregnant- you can't be just a little bit pregnant; you are or you aren't.

If you think that after 4 months, pressuring your boyfriend into a bigger commitment of love, and a future together based on love, you are kidding yourself.

It shouldn't be so hard for you to accept, and I don't understand your confusion. Realize he does not love you, and if love is what you want, you won't get it from him. You could wait until the cows come home, and he might change, but I wouldn't be the farm on it.

Find someone else.

beplmi · Jun 3, 2014, 05:38 PM

Hes 26.. I know I am probably wasting my time but I was thinking maybe the problem is me? I mean you can't rush anyone into loving you... but I just don't know if this is normal. I hate bouncing all over the place with relationships. I want to give him a chance

odinn7 · Jun 3, 2014, 06:11 PM

If you've described it accurately...yes, you're wasting your time and no, it's not you. Give him a chance? He shouts out that he doesn't love you...that's not what a 26 year old would normally do.

smoothy · Jun 3, 2014, 06:24 PM

I agree a 14 year old shouting it out might not mean as much if he shouts out he doesn't love you (awkwardness of the age)... but a 26 year old shouting it out actually means it if he says it. Yes I'v eactually had to say that to someone once who no matter how much I hinted around trying to be nice to her to not be rude.....she was smitten but every time I saw her she grated on my nerves that much more....( I hate drunks....and she turned out to be one.)

beplmi · Jun 6, 2014, 04:07 PM

Yeah. I understand having to tell someone so their feelings are not confused. I have never said that I loved him or even hinted it to him. That's why I am so taken back! But he tells me "i like you a lot though" what the hell.

DoulaLC · Jun 6, 2014, 05:14 PM

For whatever reason, he seemed to get the message that you were feeling more serious about the relationship than he was. Maybe he got scared of what he thought you were conveying, maybe he's been hurt before, maybe he has no desire for a serious relationship.

If you enjoy his company, then continue to date him. He likes you, a lot even, but there is no way of knowing whether that will grow into something more. It's been a short time... just focus on getting to know each other and having fun. At some point you will know whether he is the sort of person you could see yourself in a serious relationship with. You will also learn whether his feelings grow stronger.

If you discover that you are not on the same page as to wanting things to become more serious, then you'll know if you should continue or move on.