[Clyde Miller]

Hi, try and bear with me as I tell this.
Last summer I dated a girl that was different from all the rest. She wasn't the first but she was the only one so far I had "loved" or thought that I did at least.
Things got really out of hand with her, she's trouble and she is known for hurting guys who fall for her and after a while we broke up which was bad for both of us. The reason was because she wasn't over her ex and even though I got her back for a short while, she all the sudden decided to date my friend. I both told them how much it hurt me and they both said that they wouldn't go any further but they did. For a long time I was so angry at them. By now I've forgiven them and I'm trying to move on but they keep appearing in my life around my friends and it's unbelievable how frustrating it is to see them around me almost everyday while they don't even seem to bat an eyelash.
She's had a lot of messed up things happen to her. The worst being she was raped and she's has trouble being single and always seems to be in a relationship.
I just want to move on from the whole thing. I don't want anything to do from either of them. How do I move on from this sort of thing?

[smoothy]

You simply show maturity and move on... you don't HAVE to have either of them in your life. You aren't related to either... and neither is a room mate or business partner. THis only affects you if you let it... so stop obsessing over it. They are old enough to make their own decisions good or bad... as are you.

Its only hard at first....but it does get easier, eventually you will wonder why you were ever bothered by it.

[DoulaLC]

You could try to look at it as a lucky break... they have given you a tremendous gift. A better knowledge and understanding of who you are and what you want.

You already knew that she was trouble and the sort of reputation that she had with guys. Then she proved it to you... so now you know more than you did before. Maybe you thought that you would be the one to turn things around for her. She taught you what you will watch for in future relationships... what you want and don't want... what behavior you will put up with and what will be an instant red flag that you will pay attention to from now on.

Your "friend" taught you how not to be a friend, or at least not to say things you don't really mean to follow through on. You know that these are examples of "friendship" that you won't endure from anyone else or that you would exhibit to others as a friend yourself.

Get out and do things with other friends or family. Put your focus on work, school, a new hobby or interest, something that you enjoy. At some point you will certainly meet someone who is better suited to you.

People will come and go in your life. Sometimes it will be painful, but as smoothy said, it will get easier to put behind you, and you will almost always find a lesson in the experience and a growing knowledge that you deserve better.

[Oliver2011]

"after a while we broke up which was bad for both of us."

You recognize that a relationship with her was not a healthy one for you.

Why allow them to have power over how you feel? Control what you can and stop trying to control what you can't. You have no say in whether they date so let it go.

[Homegirl 50]

You tell yourself neither of these people are cool people. They will only affect you of you allow it.

[Cat1864]

For a long time I was so angry at them. By now I've forgiven them and I'm trying to move on but they keep appearing in my life around my friends and it's unbelievable how frustrating it is to see them around me almost everyday while they don't even seem to bat an eyelash.
...
I just want to move on from the whole thing. I don't want anything to do from either of them. How do I move on from this sort of thing?

May I ask how old you all are?

I am going to be a bit harsh. I do not know the timing of when you were with her and when she began her relationship with him. At this point it doesn't matter. What does matter is your attitude.

It hurt you that she started seeing him. Okay. Very normal and natural. You told them. Okay. That you expected them to break up and not have anything to do with each other is not okay. That they may have tried to not go any further says that they both do care about you and your friendship. But their feelings for each other are their own. Whatever is going on between them is between them. It has nothing to do with you. Accepting that will help you move on.

You need to come to terms with the fact that you haven't forgiven them and aren't dealing with your own pain and hurt. You are expecting them and your other friends to deal with it. You want to control their actions and their feelings, but you can't. You can only control your own and decide that you are tired of watching them for signs that they feel guilty for hurting you. You aren't the only person they interact with and mutual friends should not be expected to chose between you.

Stop giving the pain and hurt attention. While you are watching for them to 'bat an eyelash' or show other signs of remorse, you may be missing the person who is trying to get you to notice them.

You say that you see them almost every day. Is this because of the mutual friends, school, work, a combination of factors? Perhaps you need to expand your circle of friends and interests so that you aren't bumping into them as much. It would also give you a chance to meet new people and start new relationships.

Moving on doesn't mean everyone else adapts to your life. It means you adapt to new circumstances in yours.

I know it doesn't seem fair. Life isn't fair. Love isn't fair. We live. We love. We lose. We learn. We let go of the pain. We look forward and pay attention to where our feet are going instead of looking behind us. Less tripping and additional pain.

[Clyde Miller]

I'm only 18
I know I'm young. I know there are a lot of things about love I dot understand yet. I don't want to give it attention, I just want to leave it behind and focus on other things. The main problem is that I have a lot of classes with them and see then often and it's hard to break my circle of friends without hurting them because of it. I just feel stuck

[talaniman]

That feeling goes away in time but the challenge is finding other more important reasons to enjoy and be happy. Chance are in time she will do what she always does, break his heart, and move to the next one. That's what she does isn't it? You will endure. There are no short cuts,or magic bullets to deal with your own feeling.

It's an experience that you learn from. Now you know better than to give your heart to a heart breaker. She is who she is.

[Clyde Miller]

I know she's trouble. Thing is with her is she knows what she does to people is wrong, but she still does it. She said more than once she's a terrible person.
What bothers me is that she says that he's the best thing that ever happened to her and that he's different from the rest. The strange thing is, she said the same thing about me apparently.
I don't want to be around them, I just want to move on away from them

[smoothy]

Its not your job to change the world... its not your job to change her.

SHe is who she is... and nothing is going to change it... it's an exercise in futility to even try.

Consider this an important lesson in life you are going to have to use in the workplace. You are going to have coworkers, or even bosses that you can't stand, or they do stupid destructive things... none of them are up to you to change or even comment on... you don't have to like them.. but you do have to learn to function around them. And how well you can do this... strangely enough, can make a differnce in your success at work and in life.

[Clyde Miller]

I'm not asking her to change. I don't thing she ever will. I just want to leave it behind.

[talaniman]

Are you saying you can't control yourself? Fake it till you make it.

[smoothy]

I'm not asking her to change. I don't thing she ever will. I just want to leave it behind.

I know you say that, but I think deep down you are trying to change her and him... otherwise you wouldn't care.

Like was said... it will only bother you as long as you let it... as talaniman says... "just fake it until you make it"

Meaning PRETEND it doesn't bother you, don't obsess over it and how you go that is stop thinking about it. You said you were in school... you are trying to tell me you don't have anything at all more important to think about and focus on all day long?

THink about that a bit... I know what the answer is... I've graduated high school... I've even graduated from College so I know darn well there are lots of things you can focus your mind and your energy on all day.

[Clyde Miller]

No, I'm just saying that it's hard to Move on when I have to see them everyday and they have no trouble showing how much they care. Like you said I'm trying to break away and do other things, but its difficult when they're around and difficult to avoid. There was a period when it seemed like it was finally over, but recently I started feeling like this again

[Alty]

Here's a hard lesson in life. You will meet people that you care about, that don't feel the same way about you. They will meet other people. At your age it's almost inevitable that the people you date, will still be in your life after you break up.

You can either leave your group of friends, so you don't have to see her, and your friend, anymore. Or you can suck it up, ignore them, and continue with your group of friends.

This is your issue, not theirs. They don't have to change anything just to make you happy. You're in charge of your own happiness. They're in charge of theirs. If she really is a horrible person, I'm sure your friend will figure that out sooner or later. If not, he may just end up with her for life. That's his choice, not yours.

The only choice you have is whether to be mature about this, or let it ruin your life.

[DoulaLC]

Remind yourself of how easily she goes from one guy to the next. Dating is finding out about different people, different personalities. Ideally moving on is handled a bit more amicably, but you wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't totally into you, right?

Not sure where you are located, but likely school will be coming to an end in the near future. It may be something you just have to deal with until that time. Make a conscious effort to focus your attention elsewhere. May not be easy, but it will become easier the more that you do it. Sometimes you may literally have to walk away if possible.

[Clyde Miller]

Remind yourself of how easily she goes from one guy to the next. Dating is finding out about different people, different personalities. Ideally moving on is handled a bit more amicably, but you wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't totally into you, right?

Not sure where you are located, but likely school will be coming to an end in the near future. It may be something you just have to deal with until that time. Make a conscious effort to focus your attention elsewhere. May not be easy, but it will become easier the more that you do it. Sometimes you may literally have to walk away if possible.

I know. I wouldn't ask my friends to change anything for me. And I know there are other things to focus on. There just seem to be a lot of things that don't easily shake. I still have dreams about her and it pops in my head every hour at least. It just bugs me how everything went down

[smoothy]

No it won't be easy to shake... and anyone who could instantly switch any feelings off would be a sociopath.

You have to work at it... make an effort... but as the days and weeks pass, it gets easier and easier until one day you no longer think about it at all.