[happysweetgirl79]

Hi. Maybe I can get some insight here. I am a 28 year old dating a 32 (divorced of 3 years) man who has a 8 year old daughter.
We have been dating for about 7 months. Became serious in the last 3 months. Back in February we decided we were ready to take the next step and move in with each other. Prior to moving in- He stated wanted all of us to be family and that I was his other half and that he wanted me to be like a mother to the daughter. We are both adults who obviously are in love and both talked about a future together. He was always very affectionate, we made love a lot, he always called to say Hi and that he loved me. I felt very needed and wanted.

Some insight: His exwife has been a big headache in his life. She left him to go "relive her youth" and pretty much left him for someone else. (I know this because I work with both her and her new husband) He also has been trying to get child support from her and now she trying to get custody. He is a good dad, who is very close to his daughter. He works midnights which also causes him to be very tired.

He kept asking me to move in and I decided that things couldn't be better- so I moved in the beginning of March and out of my room mates place. Not even within a week after I moved in, he pretty much did nothing for my birthday- and bought a motorcycle the next day.
He claims it helps with all the stress and its like therapy from life. We all have fun on the motorcycle. However, he has been leaving me home with his daughter to go on rides. I don't think its anything more then rides. But he is also now going out drinking with the guys going to strip clubs etc...
(No I am not against strip clubs- but it's the lack of us doing thigs together)

For someone who wanted to spend a lot of time together before a month ago, I find myself alone or taking care of his daughter. He will go to work at night, then go riding all day, and by the time I get off work (I work first shift) he is tired. And usually short with me, and to tired to be affectionate so he says.

I feel like after I moved in the last month- the affection, lovemaking, and even calling to say Hi, I love you- only comes when I ask for it. He never talks about our future now either.
I feel like I have become a babysitter for his child while he goes out and has fun. Which he used to take me out.
What worries me is it seems like he has done a complete turn around since I moved in.
Maybe I am also reading too much into it? Are we to a point that we are getting settled with each other and don't need the constant reassurance because like he says- we have a future together. I guess I feel dumbfounded with the whole sitution... when does the puppy love go away and we make the next the step in the relationship. Is this what's happening?

Because of the lack of affection and how I am feeling I wonder if I am being used, or if honestly he is dealing with a lot.
I have tried to communicate this issue. He says he has a lot on his mind- its not me. That he doesn't feel like he has to show me a lot of affection anymore he says we have the rest of our lives together.

I don't want him to feel like he can't go out and have fun with the guys- but honestly- why all the sudden now?

I guess I am so confused. Not sure if its my own insecurity or if I really should worry.

[happysweetgirl79]

Hi. Maybe I can get some insight here. I am a 28 year old dating a 32 (divorced of 3 years) man who has a 8 year old daughter.
We have been dating for about 7 months. Became serious in the last 3 months. Back in February we decided we were ready to take the next step and move in with each other. Prior to moving in- He stated wanted all of us to be family and that I was his other half and that he wanted me to be like a mother to the daughter. We are both adults who obviously are in love and both talked about a future together. He was always very affectionate, we made love a lot, he always called to say Hi and that he loved me. I felt very needed and wanted.

Some insight: His exwife has been a big headache in his life. She left him to go "relive her youth" and pretty much left him for someone else. (I know this because I work with both her and her new husband) He also has been trying to get child support from her and now she trying to get custody. He is a good dad, who is very close to his daughter. He works midnights which also causes him to be very tired.

He kept asking me to move in and I decided that things couldn't be better- so I moved in the beginning of March and out of my room mates place. Not even within a week after I moved in, he pretty much did nothing for my birthday- and bought a motorcycle the next day.
He claims it helps with all the stress and its like therapy from life. We all have fun on the motorcycle. However, he has been leaving me home with his daughter to go on rides. I don't think its anything more then rides. But he is also now going out drinking with the guys going to strip clubs etc...
(No I am not against strip clubs- but it's the lack of us doing thigs together)

For someone who wanted to spend a lot of time together before a month ago, I find myself alone or taking care of his daughter. He will go to work at night, then go riding all day, and by the time I get off work (I work first shift) he is tired. And usually short with me, and to tired to be affectionate so he says.

I feel like after I moved in the last month- the affection, lovemaking, and even calling to say Hi, I love you- only comes when I ask for it. He never talks about our future now either.
I feel like I have become a babysitter for his child while he goes out and has fun. Which he used to take me out.
What worries me is it seems like he has done a complete turn around since I moved in.
Maybe I am also reading too much into it? Are we to a point that we are getting settled with each other and don't need the constant reassurance because like he says- we have a future together. I guess I feel dumbfounded with the whole sitution... when does the puppy love go away and we make the next the step in the relationship. Is this what's happening?

Because of the lack of affection and how I am feeling I wonder if I am being used, or if honestly he is dealing with a lot.
I have tried to communicate this issue. He says he has a lot on his mind- its not me. That he doesn't feel like he has to show me a lot of affection anymore he says we have the rest of our lives together.

I don't want him to feel like he can't go out and have fun with the guys- but honestly- why all the sudden now?

I guess I am so confused. Not sure if its my own insecurity or if I really should worry.

[Wildcat21]

Sounds like you walked into a big mess when oyu moved in. Do you REALLY want all the headaches? I can't imagine working with his ex-wife. Yuck!

Quite frankly - you're SEEING the REAL him. I don't advise anyone getting real close or marriage until at least ONE year. You don't really know someone until a year.

I also don't think living together is ever a solution unless you're married - it rarely works out. There is no real commitment, no ground rules. Sounds like most of the time you're his roommate.

See - he has you... it's no fun for him. No conquest. No mystery. No commitment.

[Sprung09]

Have you tried to plan a family day? Such as you, him and his daughter go to a museum or movies, pic nic or somewhere relaxing for a day, just the three of you and see if you get the same feeling while out for the day? That would be my first step to figure out what is going on...

[jaime90]

It seems as though you rushed into this relationship too soon- especially since he has been hurt in the future. In my opinion, him and his daughter are probably ready to settle down and have a normal life- which is why he is rushing your relationship without putting forth much effort. He wants a role model for his daughter (which isn't wrong) and he wants a wife (which isn't wrong) but he's not doing you any favors by going to strip clubs and ignoring you. I would go to counseling, talk with him about it, and get this situation straightened out and soon.