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lexy1105 · Apr 24, 2014, 12:54 PM

My whole family (parents, brothers, sisters in law, 4 nephews and a niece) are all moving away from me in two day. I want to go too, so bad, but my husband doesn't. He says we'll go eventually but that's not good enough for me. He knew when we started dating that I intended on moving away with my family and he said he would go. Now, 5 years later, he says I can't hold him to things he said back then. We have three kids together and I love him so much and I want him to be happy too but I'm miserable. We really don't have much keeping us here, he doesn't have a great job or close family, he's just comfortable here. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. He thinks I'm being a baby and don't want to be away from my mommy and daddy but its much more than that. They're going to all be so far that ill be lucky to see them once or twice a year and that's never been what I wanted for my life. What would you do?

tickle · Apr 24, 2014, 01:26 PM

What would I do, something really extreme? I would say 'okay, me and the kids are moving to be with my family and you can either come and be with us, or find your own way in the world'. That is what I would say. You can keep him to the promise he made you years ago.

talaniman · Apr 24, 2014, 02:28 PM

Work out a budget and save for regular visits. If you can't compromise nor are willing to, consider the marriage over and do as you want.

Crunch the numbers and see what's possible, reasonable, and fair to you both. Is he responsible because they wanted to move? That's an awful lot of family moving. WHY?? Go visit and see if there are any jobs he may like. Didn't YOU promise to love, honor, and respect for better or worse. Any other promises that you haven't been able to keep? How far away are they actually moving?

I would think long and hard before I made a decision on this. But I'm a guy, and see things a bit different. How long have you two been married?

joypulv · Apr 24, 2014, 02:40 PM

Quick question: If you don't go in two days, how hard will it be to go later? (Another country, passports, airfare, etc?)

smoothy · Apr 24, 2014, 02:45 PM

You've been married FIVE YEARS NOW... and you are putting moving to be near your family just because they moved over and above being with your husband.

FIve years together and..Oh, pack the bags...quit your job...say goodby to your friends so we can move to stay near MY family because they are moving somewhere else.................

Sorry but that seems so incredibly selfish of you to do.

If it was me....I'd say go ahead and move....give me an adress to send the divorce papers to. When you got married you took vows to put your spouse above all others, there wasn't fine print saying "when its convienient".

"THere isn't much keeping us here" is your opinion.....his opinion carries equal weight.

tickle · Apr 24, 2014, 03:22 PM

So, what the heck, guys, he said he would do it five years ago!! Was that just to cinch the marriage vows or what?

smoothy · Apr 24, 2014, 03:27 PM

People change their minds... things change. If she promised him they could have a three way 5 years ago... I don't think she'd HAVE to do it because she promised it then. Even if at the time she was willing and since changed her mind.

How can she create a life with the husband when she devotes all of it and her energy devoted to her family, and being with her family.

Being able to live near ones family is nice... but a married couple shouldn't completely structure their life around it... and packing up and moving when THEY decide to move.

I've known a few people like this.....it didn't end well.....the other spouse eventually walked out on them in every case. A couple were men...a couple were women.

Cat1864 · Apr 24, 2014, 04:16 PM

lexy, I think we need more background to understand both sides. Obviously he married you knowing your family's plans to move, but you mention nothing of the preparation for making the move that would have occurred over the past five years. Have the two of you not talked about it and made plans from the beginning?

Where is your family moving to? How far away from your current location will they be? What are their plans for where they are relocating? Do they have jobs lined up? Places to live? Are they planning on living in one house or on one property?

Is your husband wanting to keep some privacy and freedom apart from your family? Does he see this as a chance to build a better relationship with you?

I understand wanting to be close to your family. I understand that he said things five years ago. But circumstances change. You made a choice to join your life with his and have children with him. He has a job and you have a home. It may not be the best, but you have not given any indication that your family is moving to a better place or set-up. Why can the two of you not stay where you are for the moment and allow the group to get settled before making the move? Be a security net for the rest of the family in case things do not work out for them?

Is it really realistic for you to move in two days? Would you be willing to leave your children with their father while you move with your family? They are his children, too, and he has as much rights to keep them as you have to take them if you leave.