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chris rock · Mar 19, 2014, 05:14 AM

Hi everybody

I am from China.I want to propose my classmate but I don't know how to propose.Actually I a little afraid because one of her friend said me that she always reject guys who try to propose her. I am still her friend.If something wrong, I afraid that our friendship will be broken down. Because of these reasons, I tried to control my feelings for months. But now I really know I love her. I want to be her boyfriend. Please let me know what should I do?

Thank you
Chris

smoothy · Mar 19, 2014, 05:19 AM

First... you don't "love her" You are in lust with her. That's the hormones and not the brain talking. That's normal with young people. You don't have a relationship where true love can grow yet.

I understand English isn't your first language... but do you actually mean to say, Ask her out on a date?

I'm guessing that because you don't walk up to people you really barely know (you said you are just friends) and propose marriage. Which is what propose implies in English.

chris rock · Mar 19, 2014, 05:31 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

First... you don't "love her" You are in lust with her. That's the hormones and not the brain talking. That's normal with young people. You don't have a relationship where true love can grow yet.

I understand English isn't your first language... but do you actually mean to say, Ask her out on a date?

I'm guessing that because you don't walk up to people you really barely know (you said you are just friends) and propose marriage. Which is what propose implies in English.

SO sorry about that. I used wrong word. I mean not for marriage just for out on a date. Sorry

smoothy · Mar 19, 2014, 05:37 AM

Originally Posted by chris rock

SO sorry about that. I used wrong word. I mean not for marriage just for out on a date. Sorry

No problem... I thought that is what you meant to say... and just wanted to be sure.

What happens is you just go and ask her out... sure she might say no... but then she might say yes. You don't take it personal if she says no. You will never know if she would say yes if you don't ask.

You don't want to date the girl who says yes to everyone. She would have no standards, you want the girl who doesn't say yes to everyone. She knows what she wants and doesn't settle for anything less.

If you see someone you like... you ask them out before you plan your life together in your mind. The longer you spend thinking about it... instead of asking her... the more it will hurt if she says no.

chris rock · Mar 19, 2014, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

No problem... I thought that is what you meant to say... and just wanted to be sure.

What happens is you just go and ask her out... sure she might say no... but then she might say yes. You don't take it personal if she says no. You will never know if she would say yes if you don't ask.

You don't want to date the girl who says yes to everyone. She would have no standards, you want the girl who doesn't say yes to everyone. She knows what she wants and doesn't settle for anything less.

If you see someone you like... you ask them out before you plan your life together in your mind. The longer you spend thinking about it... instead of asking her... the more it will hurt if she says no.

Thank you so much smoothy. Your idea make me happy. CCan you tell me what should I need to prepare to do when she say no? I mean like choosing words or some behaviours.

Thanks again

talaniman · Mar 19, 2014, 08:57 AM

When you get rejected, you accept it and leave it alone and go back to being normal friends. Its awkward at first but you get better as time goes on. No need to force a friendship, just in hopes of another chance, but look around at better options, and opportunities for a date.

smoothy · Mar 19, 2014, 11:19 AM

As talaniman says... you just smile... you can say... "It never hurts to ask" and remember not every friend is meant to be more than a friend. And that its not personal. SHe may still like you as a friend. Just doesn't feel something more. I have a lot of female friends... some I've had for a VERY long time. By a very long time... I mean I have been friends with them for the last 49 years... since I was 4 years old. I'm still friends with a few I asked out that turned me down in high school.

As talanim says..it gets easier the more you do it....the trick is don't spend a lot of time dreaming about them before you ask.....being told no would hurt a lot more if you do that.

I'm not familiar enough with your culture to be certain, but I understand a lot of girls do ask the boys out there as well....if you think of being asked by some you really have no feelings for..besides being friendly as a classmate. It helps you understand. And to be as nice when you do as you can.

chris rock · Mar 19, 2014, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

As talaniman says... you just smile... you can say... "It never hurts to ask" and remember not every friend is meant to be more than a friend. And that its not personal. SHe may still like you as a friend. Just doesn't feel something more. I have a lot of female friends... some I've had for a VERY long time. By a very long time... I mean I have been friends with them for the last 49 years... since I was 4 years old. I'm still friends with a few I asked out that turned me down in high school.

As talanim says..it gets easier the more you do it....the trick is don't spend a lot of time dreaming about them before you ask.....being told no would hurt a lot more if you do that.

I'm not familiar enough with your culture to be certain, but I understand a lot of girls do ask the boys out there as well....if you think of being asked by some you really have no feelings for..besides being friendly as a classmate. It helps you understand. And to be as nice when you do as you can.

Thank you talanim and smoothy. I got yours helpful ideas and I will try my best

joypulv · Mar 19, 2014, 04:24 PM

Never just ask a girl out! Always have a day, time, and place to go in mind.
That way you sound like you mean it, have taken the time to plan something, AND it gives her a nice easy and polite way to say no. She might say 'oh sorry I'm busy that night.. ' Hopefully she will say that another night would be OK. If she doesn't, it's OK to say 'Is the next night good?' If she still just says she's busy, that's your clue that she doesn't want to go out at all (unless she goes into detail about why she really can't go).
A restaurant is always good, because you can talk. Call her as soon as you get home afterwards - women LOVE that. And ask if you can go out again.

dontknownuthin · Mar 19, 2014, 04:39 PM

Yes, think of a plan such as, "I would love to take you out for dinner. Are you free Friday or Saturday?" If she says she us busy, you can ask, "is there a better time for you?" She may offer another time, which would be great. Or she might say "no". If she says "no", respond graciously and with a compliment. "I understand. You are such a nice person and are so beautiful, I just had to try!" Then continue to treat her as a friend and let it go.

smoothy · Mar 19, 2014, 05:42 PM

As the others have stated as well... how gracefully you handle being told no.. IF she does... determines if you harm the friendship or not... and girls do talk among themselves. Do it well, and you boost your reputation with the other girls. Do it poorly and that gets around too. So do your best to hide any disappointment if and when it happens. SO be careful what you say...and how you say it.